[girlalu]

How do you know if the person is worth waiting, when you know that on the other end... she has someone else too?

[Chery]

Hi and welcome to this forum. You never know whether a person is worth waiting for. These are things we feel as a 'gut feeling' and sometimes when we hope too hard for something, we concentrate on that individual and weigh the pros and cons. Now if the other person is seeing someone else, and you are still young, get her off the top of your list of fantasies for the future. If she broke up with you there was a reason for it and you have to do an attitude check to see if you need to adjust to some changes in your way of treating others. If she left because she had to geographically move, then she will let you know through contact. Until then, please do yourself a favor and costantly remind yourself that no other human being worth you giving up on yourself.

Please let us know a little more about yourself and the relationship you had, things you shared, etc. and I will be able to read more and let you know what my 'gut feelings' about this are.

[one_life]

Chery is right.
Only time will tell, if they are worth it. In the mean, don't miss out on life. Don't stand still and don't make this person the centre of your universe.

[Wildcat21]

No one is worth waiting for. Date other people.

Women do move on from one guy to the next, so most time when you start seeing a gal, she most likely is stringing a guy a long until the next 'mr. Right' comes a long and fails her.

[letmeno]

How do you know if the person is worth waiting, when you know that on the other end...she has someone else too?

I can't think of one person in this world who I would waste one millisecond of my valuable, precious, and unreplacable time waiting on if they were not waiting on me. If they were in school, if they were away in the military, if they were away in the peace corp, if they were away doing the world, our friendship or relationship or mankind some good, and @ the same time remaining faithful to me, or any other exception to the rule. Do not sit around waiting by the phone, putting your life and your happiness on hold waiting on someone who is out having fun, sex, and sharing their emotions, feelings, body, soul, heart, and mind with someone else. Why are you even questioning your own self worth? To do this means that you have admitted to yourself, and the other person that you are not capable of finding someone who will make you #1, that you are not capable of finding not one other woman in this whole great big wide world who likes you and wants to be with you and only you. Out of the trillions of women in this world there is someone who has been waiting all of their lives to find someone just like you. My advice to you is this, there are a lot of women on this earth so you better start searching for her right now, you got a lot of area to cover! You and this guy's girlfriend (that is what she is, someone else's girlfriend) if you two were meant to happen the first thing that you need to do is back up and let her make her choice. When she can have the cake and eat it too, she will. Leave her alone for right now, and start searching for that lady who's been waiting on you.
Good Luck!

[Wildcat21]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so true. Awsome stuff letmeno. YOU have to to do that. Heartache is avoidable - waiting around is worthless - never works. Only time they come back is when you find someone else.

[letmeno]

Even if these two do end up coming together as a couple somewhere down the road, she will have so much more respect for him. She will know that he is not some weak and needy guy who will ask "how high" when she says jump. She will respect the fact that he had a choice and he chose to be with her, she will value the relationship a whole lot more instead of looking @ it as a convience, and most of all she won't be so quick to say "I need a break" because she know's that he won't wait around on her.

[Wildcat21]

You are one smart lady. So true.

Women want a man they know other women value. They want a guy who has options. For some reason women NEED to fight for their man - not some lap dog or some fiercely loyal guy who won't look at another women.

[letmeno]

If I had a guy that no other woman wanted but me, that isn't saying much about me. I think that challenges, competition, and mystery breaks up the monotiny in dating. I think that we all have the fantasy of snapping our fingers and having our guy @ our beck and call but other than foreplay, I wouldn't have too much use for that. It takes the stress off me to have someone else call the shots and taking charge. Just like women don't want a weak guy, I don't think that guy's want weak women either. Women are competitive by nature, when we see another woman after the same guy that we are after, we go in for the kill, instead of moving on to find someone else that suits our interest, we have to have THAT guy. GIRLALU, the moment that she finds out that you have gone on about your way and is no longer waiting by the phone, you will see another side to this gal. Put your best foot forward and show her that she is not your universe.
Weak, needy, and desperate is very unattractive!

[one_life]

True true. Most guys will move on, if they find a woman unavialable, but not most women. My point is, become unavialable to her.

[girlalu]

Thank you for taking time giving out suggestions. What pains me most actually and what I can't decipher is how she can say she loves me when she's also attached to someone else. See, she can't choose between the 2 of us! That somebody else is in another country. I happen to be with her and yet she can't give up either of us.

[letmeno]

If she doesn't have to give up either one of you, why should she. Until someone breaks the circle, it is going to continue to be just that, a circle. Just how long has she been dragging this out? If you feel as if you put in enough time with her and you are needing more than she is willing to give then it is up to you and you only just how much more you can take.

[Chery]

Thank you for taking time giving out suggestions. What pains me most actually and what I can't decipher is how she can say she loves me when she's also attached to someone else. See, she can't choose between the 2 of us! That somebody else is in another country. I happen to be with her and yet she can't give up either of us.

We cannot change others, but we can change ourselves, so to be very sure where you stand give her an ultimatum, and no matter how it turns out you know where you are. Most of us, men and women, don't ask the right questions for fear of the answers, but that's the only way for you to go on with your life. So unless you are comfortable with her playing both of you, make a stand. Good Luck, and keep us posted.

[fredg]

Hi,
The best you can do is to keep in touch with him. But, at the same time, don't wait around without a life.
Meet others, make some new friends, and in the meantime, you just might find someone else you like even more.
Life is full of wonders and heartaches both. In meeting new people, making new friends, gives you someone to talk with, and get to know them, too.
I do wish you the very best, and hang in there.. it could happen, but if it doesn't, be prepared to accept it.

[one_life]

Thank you for taking time giving out suggestions. What pains me most actually and what I can't decipher is how she can say she loves me when she's also attached to someone else. See, she can't choose between the 2 of us! That somebody else is in another country. I happen to be with her and yet she can't give up either of us.

Trust me, I know the feeling. She at least is being honest and told you about her feelings towards this other guy (or did she?). It is up to you to make a choice. Can you live with the fact that she loves someone else too. I have a feeling that the only reason she is attached to this other guy is that he is in a different country (not available). Want a honest opinion, kick her to the curb. Give her time to think about who she really wants. Have zero contact with her. Don't tell her why, just disappear. She will wonder and all, and when she ready, she'll pick who she really wants. In the mean time, don't put your life on hold. Move on. Start dating other women. She is not worth your time or your thoughts.

[Chery]

Trust me, I know the feeling. She at least is being honest and told you about her feelings towards this other guy (or did she?). It is up to you to make a choice. Can you live with the fact that she loves someone else too. I have a feeling that the only reason she is attached to this other guy is that he is in a different country (not available). Want a honest opinion, kick her to the curb. Give her time to think about who she really wants. Have zero contact with her. Don't tell her why, just dissapear. She will wonder and all, and when she ready, she'll pick who she really wants. In the mean time, don't put your life on hold. Move on. Start dating other women. She is not worth your time or your thoughts.

Come on One_life, you've gone through enough to know that running away, or disappearing from a problem only makes it worse. It needs to be faced head-on, an ultimatum set, so that you know where you stand. Then, and only then, a new chapter in life can be written without the errors of the previous chapters of the book of life. Generally those that run, look for other crutches and wind up in worse trouble and loose self-respect - nobody wants that.

P.S. We do this on our free time and really appreciate feedback if our answers/advice helped or not, please: click the Rate This Post link, click on Approve or Disapprove, and give a comment. Thanks!

[one_life]

Come on One_life, you've gone thru enough to know that running away, or disappearing from a problem only makes it worse. It needs to be faced head-on, an ultimatum set, so that you know where you stand. Then, and only then, a new chapter in life can be written without the errors of the previous chapters of the book of life. Generally those that run, look for other crutches and wind up in worse trouble and loose self-respect - nobody wants that.

P.S. We do this on our free time and really appreciate feedback if our answers/advice helped or not, please: click the Rate This Post link, click on Approve or Disapprove, and give a comment. Thanks!

I did not say, run away. I said leave her. You think by girlalu talking to his girl will make her forget about this other guy who is in another country. He can try, but something tells me, it will fail. Giving her an ultimatum (pick me or him) will not work. Even if she picks girlalu, in time she'll will come to resent it. What do you think will happen every time they fight, in the back of her mind she'll wonder why she ever picked him.

She has to make the choice on her own without any pressure from girlalu. The only way to do it, is to leave her and let her make up her mind on her own. Do not run, just leave her and tell her you'll be there for her when she is ready.

Wildcat what do you think?

[momincali]

One_Life is right on this one. Honestly, she already knows who she wants but she's not disclosing and she's not even openly admitting it to herself because then the thrill of the hunt will be gone! Giving her an ultimatum will not work because it does not force a true and honest answer from her, all it will do is possibly make her blurt something out she may not mean. Leave her alone. She should have make her choice clear but is acting like an indecisive brat who wants to have her cake and eat it too. Not choosing you doesn't make her bad, not telling you does... Go live your life, let her know the consequences of poor choices and no honest backbone. She cannot love two, it just doesn't work that way.

[Katiy]

I never wait more than a half an hour.

[Chery]

I never wait more than a half an hour.

This statement needs a little more clarification,please. I'd like to understand what you meant by it. Thanks.