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    slimsaturn's Avatar
    slimsaturn Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 7, 2005, 12:46 AM
    How do I get out of this mess?
    This going to be a little long so I appreciate all who read to the end and offer any advice.

    I am 22 and finishing up my last year of college while working full time and VP of my Fledgling fraternity. The girl in this story I have known for 6 years. We started dating back then and have been off an on ever since. She has been attached to me the whole time while I have dated and slept with plenty. The last 3 years of my life I have spent quelling my own pain, misery and uncertainty with POT. It got to the point that for the last year and a half I was dealing a pretty substantial amount.

    All of her friends have a strong distaste for me as we have a history of fooling around which has just lead to torture unto her self and caused her pain with my immaturity. Last year we started to date again and it was awesome, she is the one person who truly understands me and I feel at peace with. But I couldn't deal with the distance and I pussied out and made her break up with me. I also really didn't take the relationship seriously. Time passed we didn't speak for a while then she was graduation and we started to talk again.. this seems to be our cycle. And we started to hang out and sleep with each other. Soon she was spending every night at my house, while I was smoking everything and putting her second place to my greed for money, a high and myself. I finally asked her out when she came back from vacation and she said yes. However this pattern of my behavior still continued and I treated her like a convenience which would always be there. All of which I didn't realize till after. Also at the same time I have realized I have an anger problem which I am currently seeking to cure.

    I continued to deal through the summer and things were going OK but not the level to my relationships of the past. We spent a week and Orlando and it was amazing so amazing that I never wish for it to end. She is not someone who is very assertive and I took it when she would as being nagging a mistake which I now regret. We started to talk about moving in and I was getting scared and ixed the idea however the move was filled with the IDEA of great change in my life and getting myself back on the track and to the person I once use to be. I was starting along this path in the very early stages of personal change to better myself for myself and the sake of our relationship.

    However I still continued to sell as I was starting a new job and short on cash and cause I was too greedy to give up the one thing which mattered to me the most at that time.. Money. Well she always had these sad away messages and I never understodd if she felt this way then why not talk to me. So I made the comment to her via AIM of if you feel this way then why are you with me. THat set off something with her and she showed up at my house while I was... you guessed it.. >STONED. Caught me completely off guard and told me she was leaving me cause she didn't have a reason to be with me.

    I was in shoch and didn't know what to say... and was stoned. Not a good combination. We both cried but had the best kiss I have ever had. It was a huge wake up call about my life in general and the direction I was taking. I started a lot of self discovery. And began to work harder on chanding my life. I stopped dealing and began to examin our relationship in the coming days. And also explored my feeling for her. She means so much to me and has always been there. I talked to her via aim but I could tell there was no effort from her. She has a history of cutting me off to lessen her pain and feeling for me. She wouldn't take my calls or IMS. I even left a 5 page letter on her car thanking her for what she did as it was a catalyst with the changing my life. Also that I am sorry for the way I treated her and did not embrace her her. I still did not get a response. Two more weeks went by and nothing... I sent her flowers last Friday and the advice of my mom.

    The response at first was in different but I finally got her to talk to me via AIM. I asked for 5 minuted in person to talk and Could not get any definite answer. But I could tell she still have feelings for me and was holding those back to preserver her self. But I could tell she was feeling bad for me. It was at this time that my crazy ex best friend took vengenance against me for un related things and emailed my ex. She is crazy her EX played for the skins and she cut his electric, cable and phone the week before and sliced his tires. Also pulled a knife on me when we worked together. Pretty graphic things to the affect of that I was messing around with her the same weekend that alicia was gone. Which is true however alicia and I were not official yet... I know this means nothing in the mind of a girl and t was a mistake myself. However it is not cheating in my mind. This fueled her reasons to cut me off and wrote back to my frienda and ccd me in it. She asked me to never contact her again. This was devastating. As I was finally making some headway with her. She even mentioned this in the e-mail she immediately blocked me. I even fowarded her a message in which the crazy girl says we never messed around when we were serious with other people.

    My roommate says I should forget her because she will not give me a chance to talk. I can't get mad at her as I understand her reasoning. I have this need to talk to her to try to get her back and try to take things to the way they were while we were in Florida and enjoying each other and our lives. She is person I feel whole around and love her personality ambition and goals in life. The way she makes me feel is like I am the most important person and only want to make her feel have as amazing as that.

    I am open to any and all adivce to try to get her back. I have had the oppurtunity to catch her at school but I don't want to impose or make a scene and try to put this all behing be but I still lose it and cry and just hurt a little more each day.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Nov 7, 2005, 05:21 AM
    Girlfriend
    Hi,
    I am sorry to hear about this. Sounds like she doesn't want anything to do with you now.
    We all make mistakes, and at age 63, married 28 yrs, I have made more than my share!
    The thing is; learn from our mistakes, and try not to make them anymore. The best thing you can do is keep working on your anger issue, and stop smoking! Keep in touch with her the best you can, and there is always hope.
    Once in a while, maybe once a month, send her flowers, with a note saying you miss her.
    That's about all you can do, and hope for the best. Even if things don't work out between you two, keep trying to change your life style, and attitudes... it will help in any future relationships.
    It took me 2 yrs to get over my "serious" girlfriend in college, after she wrote me a "dear John" letter. Hang in there.
    I do sincerely wish you good luck, and keep working on yourself; things will get better, if you want them to.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Nov 8, 2005, 03:43 PM
    Dude. You need a fresh start. Forget about this gal, period, end of story.

    You ABUSED this relationship.

    WHY all this cheating that's screwed up. And as she gets older she will NEVER trust you. You've pooped all over this woman.

    Quit the drugs. You have so man ybad habits... ridiculous. Clean up your act completely.
    shenda's Avatar
    shenda Posts: 160, Reputation: 21
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Nov 9, 2005, 12:05 PM
    Crazy in Love when it is all about you
    I applaud your honesty; however, I can't help but to wonder, why are you so self-destructive, why are you afraid of genuine success. Greed only mask your need for acceptance and approval; moreover, your need to feel that you are good enough... this nack for external competition needs to be put in check... you need to redirect some of that energy internally... find your inner strength whereby warding off the need to hid behind greed and getting high. If it is ALL about you; then you would not have such a strong desire for your love interest. As for now... let things remain quiet between the two of you... work on loving yourself and discovering your need to self destruct... what are you afraid of? Remember, your self-destructive behavior affects more than you, there are people who depend on you, who need your strength to survive... don't be afraid of letting them down... if you have not noticed... you tip that way every time you decide to put the brakes on yourself. You are a bit overwhelmed but you can handle your bundle with ease so stop running from what life has gifted you with. You are a born leader, your rise to the top will only allow you to empower those you temporarily leave behind. If you refuse to move onward, upward, forward, you hinder the height other may achieve. They need you to rise to the occasion, even if, envy, and jealousy becomes your portion, just know this, in due time, they will respect your success because you will be an even greater help to them. I do not have to tell you that you are wasting valuable time and energy hustling on the quick buck which screams "easy come, easy go". If you would just be willing to use what God has gifted you with, if you would just direct energy unto the gifts and talents you were born with to establish a more sure foundation, the sky would not be your limit. YOu are so gifted and talented, believe in yourself to achieve your inherent portion and stop prostituting yourself for nickles and dimes... you are so worth more than that. However, you must decide your own value... your fearlessness and ruthlessness can serve you well if you apply these trait on your upward bound.
    letmeno's Avatar
    letmeno Posts: 215, Reputation: 23
    Full Member
     
    #5

    Nov 9, 2005, 04:11 PM
    This is a classic case. I myself would like to know why is it that men wait until the well is dry to try and clean up their act?
    Wildcat is right, you totally abused and misused this relationship and this poor girl.
    Have you heard the song by R.Kelly? When a woman's fed up. You should listen to it. It is the gospel truth.
    When a woman has had all that she can take, has made up her mind that she will accept no more, she is finished, and done, and the relationship is OVER. I am so sorry to tell you that there is nothing in the world that can change her mind. Women will put up with crap, and try and make it work, and put up with more crap, cry, cry, and try and make it work, but when she has it in her heart and mind that it is over and done, and she is serious, it is as good as set in stone. In rare cases, we do come back, but more likely than not, it will never be the same because out trust has been taken for granted.
    You gave it your best shot, and she shot you down. My advice to you, is to let her go. You have caused her enough heartache. If it is meant to be it will happen but for now, let her heal, and leave her be.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #6

    Nov 9, 2005, 04:59 PM
    I am all for win-back - always. But, the situation has to be right. No abuse, no cheating, no drugs, etc.

    Unfortunately all thes factor into this one. It will never work out. Ever.

    She WILL never trust you. You DO NOT respect this woman - no trust and respect = no relationship.

    You have some serious fxing of yourself to do. Massive amounts. IF you ever want to have an actually healthy relationship, you need to fix these massive problems first.

    AGAIN - no more drugs.
    Katiy's Avatar
    Katiy Posts: 56, Reputation: -3
    -
     
    #7

    Nov 15, 2005, 03:16 AM
    Narcotics Anonymous
    You really don't have anything to offer anyone until you have been in recovery for a year. You need to discover more about addiction. Focusing on her is keeping you from doing this. If you get into recovery and focus on yourself, you will begin to have something to offer someone. I was once like you. There is no getting around what I am telling you. You can try another way, and the result will be the same, more of what you have gotten over and over again. Why waste one second more? Haven't you been given everything you wanted over and over and over again, yet nothing satisfies you.
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Nov 15, 2005, 05:41 PM
    letmeno

    "This is a classic case. I myself would like to know why is it that men wait until the well is dry to try and clean up their act? "


    That's because men like to have their cake and eat it too.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    To be completlly honest, the long post put me to sleep near the end.. says something about my attention span eh?

    You want a face to face meeting with her which you haven't got yet.
    You left flowers at her car.

    So, go to her car (or wherever) and wait for her and hence, you get the face to face meeting.

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