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Captian Crunch · Oct 26, 2007, 06:37 PM

Hello everyone,

A few weeks after I was born I was adopted out of some Tenessee Hosiptal (I don't know the name but once I find out I will post in this thread) my mom and dad now have no idea where they live or if they even moved

It just bothers me I use to get really upset and I use 2 cry when I was younger thinking that my birthmom didn't want me (my birthdad left my birthmom) :(
So I just am really interested in finding my birth mom

I was adopted out of Knoxville TN

Captian Crunch · Oct 26, 2007, 09:09 PM

Us this imposible or no?

Synnen · Oct 27, 2007, 12:55 AM

How old are you?

If you are under 18, in most places in the US you can not start a search yet.

You can do name searches on the web, if your adoptive parents know your birthparents' names until then.

If you are over 18, I would attempt to find the agency involved in your adoption and start with them.

As a birthmom... please believe me that it probably had nothing to do with wanting you, and everything to do with not being able to provide you with a healthy, stable life. I'm sure that your birthmom loves you, and thinks of you daily, even if it was better for you both that you have other parents to raise you now.

firmbeliever · Oct 27, 2007, 02:48 AM

Adoption Agencies in Knoxville, TN - AOL Local Yellow Pages

As Synnen said you might try searching the names online OR if you are 18 then maybe you could try these agencies in TN.

Captian Crunch · Oct 27, 2007, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

How old are you?

If you are under 18, in most places in the US you can not start a search yet.

You can do name searches on the web, if your adoptive parents know your birthparents' names until then.

If you are over 18, I would attempt to find the agency involved in your adoption and start with them.

As a birthmom...please believe me that it probably had nothing to do with wanting you, and everything to do with not being able to provide you with a healthy, stable life. I'm sure that your birthmom loves you, and thinks of you daily, even if it was better for you both that you have other parents to raise you now.

I know that I'm 16 now and this was happening when I was like 10-12
I didn't "understand what was going on"
But I guess I have to wait until I'm 18 to find her :(
Her name is Tammy Wood (unless she got remarrided)

And yes sorry for my misspelling I do have a hard time spelling :(

Captian Crunch · Oct 27, 2007, 08:48 AM

So when I misspell people think I'm younger like 12-13 I'm not I have hard times spelling and remembering things

Captian Crunch · Oct 27, 2007, 08:22 PM

Thanks for the help guys
So I can't start to find her until I'm 18?

Synnen · Oct 28, 2007, 01:40 AM

If you have your adoptive parents cooperation, you can start earlier.

However, any adoption agency or site, and most government and adoption agencies, will not give you the information until you are 18.

You can certainly do internet searches if you know her name and have other information about her.

However... have you talked to your parents? My daughter is 15, and has known from birth that she's adopted. While I don't have visitation with her, her parents and I exchange letters every 6 months or so. It seems unusual for a closed adoption to have happened so recently, though it is possible.

I'm betting that your parents have more information for you to go on, but they may not.

I hope it works out for you!

Captian Crunch · Oct 28, 2007, 05:39 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

If you have your adoptive parents cooperation, you can start earlier.

However, any adoption agency or site, and most government and adoption agencies, will not give you the information until you are 18.

You can certainly do internet searches if you know her name and have other information about her.

However...have you talked to your parents? My daughter is 15, and has known from birth that she's adopted. While I don't have visitation with her, her parents and I exchange letters every 6 months or so. It seems unusual for a closed adoption to have happened so recently, though it is possible.

I'm betting that your parents have more information for you to go on, but they may not.

I hope it works out for you!

They do
But we think she moved
Or got remarried or something
I only talked to her on the phone once when I was like 11
And I had no idea what was going on
And I had no idea who it was
I wish I was a lot smarter and knew who is was

Captian Crunch · Oct 28, 2007, 05:56 PM

So I can't really start searching till I'm 18

Fantastic

Well thanks for your help
:)

Synnen · Oct 28, 2007, 10:58 PM

Honestly, hon... you'd do well to talk to your parents about this, and possibly get some counseling.

They're finding in studies now that all members of the adoption triad have issues to deal with, and not just the obvious ones. See if you can talk to your school counselor and possibly get a referral to an adoption specialist.

Not to disparage you in any way, because I remember what it was like to be 16 and not get taken seriously--but your teen years isn't necessarily a good time for a reconnection, anyway. While I know you are looking to figure out who you are (who isn't? ESPECIALLY as a teen!), you need to figure that out without your birthmom.

I promise you, she loves you and is thinking about you. There probably isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about you and hope you're doing well.

Right now, your parents are your best resource. Talk to them about your birthmom, and be honest with them. Let them you that you love them, and that no one could ever replace them, but there's a part of you that isn't them, and you need to know more about it.

Seriously--I wish you the best of luck. While I know where my daughter is, I don't initiate contact because I don't want to upset the balace. I hope she calls me when she's 18, though!

statictable · Oct 29, 2007, 07:37 AM

Hi Capt. Crunch: OK, here's the info. I promised and hope this covers every angle>
>www.childwelfare.gov/pub/f_search.cfm< Don't let title confuse you, it's titled Searching for Birth Relatives and covers about everything you'll need to know. Good luck and be patient.

Captian Crunch · Oct 29, 2007, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Honestly, hon...you'd do well to talk to your parents about this, and possibly get some counseling.

They're finding in studies now that all members of the adoption triad have issues to deal with, and not just the obvious ones. See if you can talk to your school counselor and possibly get a referral to an adoption specialist.

Not to disparage you in any way, because I remember what it was like to be 16 and not get taken seriously--but your teen years isn't necessarily a good time for a reconnection, anyway. While I know you are looking to figure out who you are (who isn't? ESPECIALLY as a teen!), you need to figure that out without your birthmom.

I promise you, she loves you and is thinking about you. There probably isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about you and hope you're doing well.

Right now, your parents are your best resource. Talk to them about your birthmom, and be honest with them. Let them you that you love them, and that no one could ever replace them, but there's a part of you that isn't them, and you need to know more about it.

Seriously--I wish you the best of luck. While I know where my daughter is, I don't initiate contact because I don't want to upset the balace. I hope she calls me when she's 18, though!

Its not the fact that I think that she doesn't love me
Which I know she does
And yea I guess your right I'm kind of young to start looking I guess
But its just like I want to know her name and stuff
I don't know its hard to explain
I just want to some how contact her because I want to know like who am I
Where did my family come from
Etc etc

Captian Crunch · Oct 29, 2007, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by statictable

Hi Capt. Crunch: OK, here's the info. I promised and hope this covers every angle>
>www.childwelfare.gov/pub/f_search.cfm< Don't let title confuse you, it's titled Searching for Birth Relatives and covers about everything you'll need to know. Good luck and be patient.

Well I'm going to go to that site now
Check it out
And thanks you guys uve help me a lot :-D

Synnen · Oct 29, 2007, 02:07 PM

Hey Capt... you don't know her name?

You really need to sit down with your parents, then. Odds are, THEY know it, especially if she's called you in the past!

How much communication have you had with your parents about this?

Captian Crunch · Oct 29, 2007, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Hey Capt...you don't know her name?

You really need to sit down with your parents, then. Odds are, THEY know it, especially if she's called you in the past!

How much communication have you had with your parents about this?

No and she called me
And I did talk to them
But all they have is a addy I think
Which I have sent may letter to in the past
So maybe she doenst want to me :confused:

Synnen · Oct 29, 2007, 06:17 PM

Maybe she doesn't have YOUR address?

It's possible that all communications actually go through the adoption agency--what's known as a semi-open adoption.

If that's the case, your parents may have to request the information from the agency for you, as you can't ask for yourself until you are 18.

Remember... what I know of this is valid in MOST places, but not all. You may have to enlist your parents' aid to find out more at this time.

You also may have to wait until you are 18.

May I make a suggestion? Keep a journal! I know that I would LOVE to be able to read something my daughter wrote when she was thinking of me, even if it was sad stuff, or when she was angry with me for placing her for adoption. It'll help get your feelings out on paper, and I find that writing tends to make me have to clarify my feelings to myself, as well.

Seriously--I really hope the best for you. If there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know.

PoliticallyCorrect · Oct 29, 2007, 06:27 PM

I understand exactly how you feel. I met my birth parents when I was 25 and it was like meeting myself for the first time. Being adopted is really really hard.

But as others here have said, giving up a child for adoption is even harder. If she phoned you when you were 11, she wants to stay in touch but not upset your adoptive relationship so be patient, she will be there for you.

The reason you have to wait till you are 18 is that your adoptive parents need to be the ones taking care of you till you are old enough to manage by yourself.

Captian Crunch · Oct 30, 2007, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Maybe she doesn't have YOUR address?

It's possible that all communications actually go through the adoption agency--what's known as a semi-open adoption.

If that's the case, your parents may have to request the information from the agency for you, as you can't ask for yourself until you are 18.

Remember...what I know of this is valid in MOST places, but not all. You may have to enlist your parents' aid to find out more at this time.

You also may have to wait until you are 18.

May I make a suggestion? Keep a journal! I know that I would LOVE to be able to read something my daughter wrote when she was thinking of me, even if it was sad stuff, or when she was angry with me for placing her for adoption. It'll help get your feelings out on paper, and I find that writing tends to make me have to clarify my feelings to myself, as well.

Seriously--I really hope the best for you. If there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know.

Yea its just kind of like I don't know who I really am
Like I have no idea were my family came from etc etc
Yea I guess she wants to stay in touch
I just wish she would like call again or something
Or if she called on my birthday :-D that would be sweet
But I guess ima start looking when I'm 18

Captian Crunch · Oct 30, 2007, 12:17 PM

Originally Posted by PoliticallyCorrect

I understand exactly how you feel. I met my birth parents when I was 25 and it was like meeting myself for the first time. Being adopted is really really hard.

But as others here have said, giving up a child for adoption is even harder. If she phoned you when you were 11, she wants to stay in touch but not upset your adoptive relationship so be patient, she will be there for you.

The reason you have to wait till you are 18 is that your adoptive parents need to be the ones taking care of you till you are old enough to manage by yourself.

Yea, like I said I just wanan know who I really am
Like were I came from
Yea can see that giving up a child is even harder

Well I am loving the help
I love this website :)