[dudeneedsadvice]

What is the longest amount of time it took for someone to come back to you after THEY broke up with you? My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago.

[BabyBruchie]

I think that if she is serious about breaking up with you, you should also consider her NOT to come back to you. Because you may just get hurt waiting and waiting and yet she is out there looking for a new love. You should also ready yourself that there is a possibility that you have lost her forever.

But if it's a girl thing, the girl crap we usually do *guilty* she may just having her time and thinking things over and when she finally realize that you is what she wants, she will be back, may give you signals. But still you should also consider that she is really serious breaking up with you.

It would really hurt a lot thinking that she is just taking her time and that she will still be back then afterwhich you would realize that she is really really gone.

[one_life]

Trust me, the more you think about her returning to you, the harder it will get for you. Two months is not long enough to heal. There will come a time when, you'll come to realize it is over (time will heal all wounds). In the mean time, take the time to reflect on things. Work on yourself. Start to date other women (the more the better), trust me it will make you feel better. No serious relationships for a while until you heal all the way.

[fredg]

Hi,
You have received some very good answers so far. The amount of time taken for someone to come back to you will vary with the person. I have known relationships to start up again after 5 years!
I do agree with those suggesting meeting new people, new girls. Talking with others is the best way to get it out, and meet others. It will help take your mind off things.
You could also send her flowers, with a nice card. But, please don't "put all your eggs in one basket"... as others said, she might not come back to you at all.
I do sincerely wish you good luck, and hopefully, things will eventually work out with her.

[Wildcat21]

"People want wha they can't have" - always!!

You need to figure out what pushed her away and fix that.

Unfortunately, if you screwed up bad, you may be out. Many times when a woman is done with a guy, you are out - that's it, she'll never have feelings for you again.

You lowered her interest level way too much and booted you.

You need to figure out what happened, find out what you did wrong.

I HOPE you have not been contacting her? If so, another major screw up.

How long did you date?

No flowers or cards PLEASE. That's almost stalking.

[fredg]

Hi,
Wildcat said no cards or flowers please, that's almost stalking.
First time I have ever heard that, in 60 yrs!
I thought "stalking" was much, much more than that. Guess I have been stalking my wife now for many years, and didn't even know it.

[dudeneedsadvice]

"People want wha they can't have" - always!!!

You need to figure out what pushed her away and fix that.

Unfortunately, if you screwed up bad, you may be out. Many times when a woman is done with a guy, you are out - that's it, she'll never have feelings for you again.

You lowered her interest level way too much and booted you.

You need to figure out what happened, find out what you did wrong.

I HOPE you have not been contacting her? If so, another major screw up.

How long did you date?

No flowers or cards PLEASE. That's almost stalking.

I hope you check this again. We dated for 19 months. I did go over to her in person a month after she broke up with me and she wasn't happy to see me. I went over there because she got a new phone service (net10)

[talaniman]

Just think of all that time you wasted waiting for somebody to come back to you.You could have been enjoying yourself and maybe just maybe you realize there maybe someone even better out there.You just never know.take a chance and find out,you got anything better to do?

[Katiy]

It's time for you to stop being so desperate and find something fun to do. What are you doing for fun? You need to create fun in your life, then someone can be attracted to you.

[mrgotitback]

What is the longest amount of time it took for someone to come back to you after THEY broke up with you? My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago.

I want to impart some knowledge onto you my friend, but first, I have to tell you my story. The short of it is that I got over a terrible break-up, and I want to tell you how it happened. Now I know you want her back, but what I'm going to tell you is not how to get her back but how to feel great again. Right now you think getting her back is the only way - but I'm telling you not having her back will be the best thing that ever could happen. I know it seems unimaginable, but it is the best path, and it is the only way to be happy again, AND IRONICALLY, IT IS THE ONLY WAY SHE WILL EVER COME BACK. But the Irony is that you won't want her back when it is a real possibility. So listen up...

It started when I moved to a new city. I enrolled in a demanding educational program (one of the most demanding kind). I was feeling great about life. I was in control. I knew where I was headed. I was the kind of guy who walked into a room and filled it with energy. Guys, girls, they knew I had my flow. I was so damn genuinely happy I could have attracted most of anything for a conversation at least. Everything was perfect.

I met her. She was so beautiful. She was so cool. I was immediately mesmerized. I fell in love in seconds. It was a flash. She was everything I could have imagined that I wanted. I gave her everything, but I still had my cool at the same time. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted - I didn't need her. I just enjoyed her time. I was an individual, and she was free to spend time with me or not - either way, I was fine. It was so perfect.

She eventually caved in - and I was expecting that she would. But... there was one problem. She had an ex-boyfriend that was not totally out of the picture, but I didn't have all the facts, but I didn't care. After all, I thought she would want me regardless because I was so at peace with life. Well, she did want me. She came after me. And I was so damn happy. Everything was perfect. I gave her my heart, I let her in to who I was. We dated for close to a year and she never quite let me all the way inside, but I did not know such was the case. The bottom line was that I loved her with everything I had, and I was honest.

Here's where it got rocky... I'll skip the details... she lied to me about many things (namely her position with the ex), but I searched and searched for what I was doing wrong. After all, a guy as confident as me doesn't have many problems with women eh? I felt like I was not good enough - I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I became so damn depressed. I needed her. I knew how crazy it was, but I just couldn't help myself. I was suffering every night -we eventually broke up. The pain was unimaginable. I had no idea how bad it could hurt. I'm a tough guy, but I really had no idea. It struck me at the core of my soul, and it effected everything in my life. Nothing was good anymore. We're talking deep depression. I couldn't imagine that it would ever get better.

So - you're asking... how did I get over it?

I went away for the summer. And a lot of time passed. I just got perspective. It takes a lot of time, and a lot of thinking about how you want to be treated. And a lot of that takes seeing what it is like when people who care about you treat you a certain way. What begins to happen is you develop a sense of self worth again apart from her. You got to dig deep, really ing deep man. You have to find yourself. And the only way to do this is to get rid of her totally. Don't talk. Don't think about her - the way to do this is take on a different venture, something that is new, and that involves other people to remind you how special you are as an individual. So, the elixir:

1. Don't talk to her
2. Occupy yourself with something that is a challenge away from her no matter how damn hard it is
3. Talk to other people. It will feel senseless at first because all you will do is think about how much better talking to her is - but don't stop. Keep going!!
4. Hang with people who make you feel good - it takes some time.
5. Do not call her! Do not give in. Turn your damn phone off. You're still a slave at this point!
6. When she calls to check on you - Just re-read 1 - 5. You're worth something man! You are a good person, and you are fascinating. She is just feeding off you at this point. Pull yourself away no matter how damn hard it is - because it will be the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life I know.
7. Do this over and over again until you forget about her. One day you will wake up and you won't be hurt anymore - just trust me, it's natural. She won't have that power to hurt you anymore.
8. If you hit this point, then you will know what to do.

Here is the downside to not doing this...

1. You will give in and talk to her hoping she wants you back.
2. She'll see right through it and use you for a little bit and then throw you back into the same pain.
3. You'll feel like a chump, and you'll be back at square one. Man, nobody deserves to be treated this way... nobody. Don't let her do it. Once you snap out of it, you'll be your own worst critic.

At the end,

You'll make a lot of mistakes because you love her. You're a human, and you loved well man. You'll make these mistakes many times, it is inevitable. So you are probably asking why I give the advice if I know you will make the mistakes anyway? Well, I'm just here to tell you that the pain eventually goes away and when the clouds clear up, you'll have the best feeling in your life circulating through your veins and you will see the world in a beautiful way. I Know that idea scares you now, but you just have to believe me that it will all be OK. You're amazing. You're worth it. It will all make sense eventually, and in the words of Bob, "every little thing, is gonna be alright."

Good god I feel so powerful now. I am no longer on the string - and you'll be there with me sometime. Just remember to tell your friends that go through this one day that they are worth something, they are great, because in the end, that is really what we want to hear. Believe me. We just need to feel like we are all worth something - that's what this problem is all about. It really has little to do with her.

I wish you the best. You'll be fine.

At the end, she'll want you because you see the world again, but you'll know that it isn't worth it because she wasn't there when things got tough. You're good friends will be there for you when things are tough, and that is what Mrs. Perfect will do for you.

[herecomesthesun]

Man... your words are powerful mate, you must fill a room with energy, you really have summed up well how loss needs to be dealt with. To get into a cycle of calling the one you have lsot only lenghtens the pain and suffering and further pushes that person away from you. It's a very hard lesson to learn and one I had to learn recently. I was with a girl we were together 9 years and living together for 5 years. We were engaged and were to be married in a few months. She got home on a Friday night and I told her I had just put the last payment for the wedding dress into her bank account. She looked sad and then told me she did not want to marry me, she told me things that cut me like... she wasn't attracted to anymore and that I could have tried harder.. maybe put some Gel in my hair or got some nicer clothes. I obviously sat there thinking what the hell is going on with my jaw dropped to the ground. She told me that I got to jealous of her being around other guys.. and brought up an instance of a few years ago. She told me she had been out at night on the town and guys would flatter her and she liked it, she said she should not feel this attraction to other men, it made her feel guilty and doubt her love for me. At this point I kind of thought maybe I had a reason to feel jealous at times lol :/. She told me that she wanted "Movie Love"... how long does movie love last? 120 minutes on average?. I tried to explain that when you fall in love with someone there is always the excitement and the sense of mystery and adventure... I said that this usually passes after a few months and the basis of a strong love is the love respect and warmth you get after that phase. Maybe I'm wrong.. maybe this all encompassing "movie love" does exist. If so I hope I find it. I guess I'm a realist. She left 2 days after telling me and did not want to discuss it which I felt harsh considering the 9 years we had spent together. She assures me there is no one else, she just wants to be independent for a while... she is beautiful and guys are like flys :S, she won't be single for long :[

Anyway... I went down the wrong path, I did not know how to deal with losing her. I would text her incessantly and ask why, I would call and ask her to take me back, I tried to tell her I would change for her and promised amazing things. All this did was push her away and make her want to run screaming. Eventually I realized what I was doing was making things worse. I turned off the switch, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The need is still there to call her and just check one more time that she is sure and ask her to comeback, but I am trying so hard not to do this. 2 months and a bit have passed since she left me. It is getting easier but I do have deep depressions and moments of what if. I still have a long road ahead of me but I have come a long way from where I was. These past 2 months have felt like years. What have I done to get through these past 2 months:

1. Exercise - Releases natural Endorphines and makes you feel better about yourself, I was never overweight but I have toned up my body and look better than I have in years.

2. Rearranged my house/flat - I didn't move out but everything about me reminded me of her and my broken relationship. I rearranged my room moved the bed moved the closet moved the computer, rearranged my whole loungs. Went and bought some new posters and put them on the wall. Took awhole heap of crap that I didn't need and threw it out at the tip. My house is now more spacious and I have a different perspective.. Im not reminded of her every morning when I wake up because of the position of my bed.

3. Hanged with family and friends - This is probably the most important one! I had spent so long with her that I had pretty much not talked to my friends in ages, well not properly anyway. At first talking to them will seem pointless as you just want her and to talk to her! But keep talking to them! After you are through this you will realize that a true friend is the best thing you can have. You have pain inside you, do not keep it all inside you then blurt it out to her when you see or talk to her. Tell your friends and family how you feel, let it out... let yourself cry and grieve it is a natural process and once you have let it out you will feel better, not much at first but eventually you will get there. Time really does heal it just seems to take so damn long during these times :/

4. Throw yourself into something challenging - Work, again exercise.. try to keep your mind occupied. Its hard but its really does help, if you lie there in your bed staring at the wall thinking about it you will just drive yourself into despair.

Theresmore but I can't think of it right now and I need to go :S

Mrgotitback thanks so much for posting the above, it is beautiful and bang on. I hope soon I will have got it back, my confidence and sense of self worth sure has taken a beating but I am getting there and rebuilding my sense of self worth.

Love yourself!

[ajGambino]

Wow, some great information. I'll be sure to re-read these posts for quite some time. Very helpful indeed, thanks.