[madaman]

I am just really curious, there are a lot of regulars on here and I've read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.

[Ash123]

I am glad you are doing well.

Sometimes a little break in communication (by the breaker) can help in the healing process.

Glad NC has gotten you closer to the New You.

[Vulf]

Well there's important things to remember. First and foremost is, that this new person is NOT your Ex. Any comparisons you draw could be your downfall.
That said, breakups are never easy. If you can talk to your ex and still be cool then the worst has passed. Good for you! Keeping yourself busy is probably the wisest move you could make in that situation, it cirtainly helps the healing process. Self destructive behaviour is no way to go, I learned that lesson some years ago, Luckily I snapped out of it. Not because there was any real intervention, but because I realised one day that it was the most counter productive way to deal with anything. It may have made me a stronger person, but it was a hard lesson learned. I hope other people can learn from it.
Focus on the possitives, for as many f'd up and cold things you can see in the world there ARE beautiful things out there. Keep your eyes, and your mind, open to them... you;ll do OK (^,^)

[enigmagnetic]

I'm at a little over 5 months. I went 5 straight months with willingly and forcefully avoiding her like the plague. She contacted me about 3 weeks ago and I've realized that either way I'll be fine. It would be nice if we could be friends, but if she doesn't have the purest intentions, hasta la vista baby! I've realized her flaws and I no longer feel depressed nor sad when I think of her. I've also got way too much on my hands in terms of a career and my scholastic ventures to really focus on her. Just this week I had completely forgotten she had emailed me again so it had been two weeks since I replied to her email, today. She asked me how I was doing and I was so gallantly and pridefully honest, well listen honey I'm doing masterfully, increasing my ventures into my career and excelling and I've got no time for kid games so if you aren't capable of losing the ambiguity I can't continue in this repertoire with you, at least the gist of what I said. I feel good about it. We will see how it works out.

[madaman]

That's good to hear, I think the thing that helped me the most was knowing and seeing other people getting through it eventually.

[little firefly]

It's going on six months for me, and I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. I try to keep myself busy and spend more time with friends. Dating anyone new right now isn't even an option for me. I'm not nearly healed enough or ready for any kind of relationship. I know that all I would do is compare whoever I would be with to my ex and that wouldn't be fair.

Like you, I think of my Ex WAY too much. He's with someone else now and I know that I don't really even cross his mind. I know that I will eventually feel better and I am looking forward to when that day comes. I'm ready to get my life back again. It hasn't helped that I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I'm on meds and am just taking things day to day.

By the way, thank you for asking. Coming to this site has really been helping me to heal. It's nice to know that there are others that are dealing with the same stuff and know where I'm coming from, although I hate for anyone to have to go through this at all.

[bummedout4]

Well I am still a newbie, going on 12 days NC. Well 12 days since phone conversation , 9 since last texts, so I guess 9 days total NC. Left it on a decent note, she knows how I feel and what I want. So now its up to her, she has to figure things out on her own and deal with her life w/out me. She is seeing someone new but probably just a rebound since she probably doesn't want to be lonely or to distract her from her other issues. So I am getting better, I still miss her a lot, think about her a lot but the urge to call is not as strong. I still miss talking to her, but I have been able to hold off texting her or calling her. Her birthday is in 2 weeks and I will be out of town but might send her a card? Well That's all I have for now, I am shooting for 30 days NC and then see how I feel. Thanks for everyone's support and advice.

[Diamondstar03]

I feel strange sometimes. One day I can be like... not a care in the world about her, then the next day I will be down cause I really miss her so much. NC is working for me I think. It has been a total of 10 days once again from my failure of responding to her call. 3 months since the breakup. She knows how I feel and its up to her. I have been seeing others, it does suck that I do compare and I need to stop that. But at least it is making me feel more like myself being around other people and making new experences. I sometimes still can't believe this has happened to me with her, but well at least I have me. It has been a hard road so far. I just wish it could be different. I wish I would not have answered the phone and sent texts last week. I will not do that ever ever again. The only thing that is really bothering me is that the Holidays are coming up and I just feel sad we are not going to be together. I hope I feel better and stronger before then.

[little firefly]

Lets hope we all feel better and stronger before then. :)

[needofhelp]

It's been 5 weeks for me and it's had it's peaks and valleys. It doesn't feel like it has been better, but in some ways, I am better than before. Like you I have found this site very helpful. There are a lot of people here that have given great advice and support.

I think about more than I want, and the thoughts overcome me.

[stonewilder]

After reading everyone else's I'm embarrassed to say it's been more than two years, although I stopped talking to him almost a year. I still think of him more than I like to admit.

[Sad Soul]

After reading everyone else's I'm embarrassed to say it's been more than two years, although I stopped talking to him almost a year. I still think of him more than I like to admit.

Don't be embarrassed. Although you may still think of your ex after 2 years, you probably think of him differenly than you did 1.5 years ago.

I bet, for example, that the first six months of the breakup you would cry your eyes out when you would think of him. But I'll also bet that two years later, where you are now, you do think of him, but "that's all". As in, you just think of him: maybe even to notice that you don't really cry over him.

At least, that's what I observed of myself, after being broken up for over a year. I also see this change with my friends. They still talk about their ex, but there is something different. And that difference is healthier.

This is not to say that I don't think of my ex, even in romantic terms at times, but that "thinking" is a very different type than the kind that would keep me up all night, with anxiety and stress, crying and wondering how I would live without him.

I don't know. Time passes and something happens...

[stonewilder]

Everything you said is true but I don't think I've dealt with it as a normal person would. Does it sound normal that after more than two years and him living with a woman that we wouldn't be divorced? He's already said a few times he doesn't want a divorce. I've had the paper work ready for months, all I need to do it take it to the court house but I always come up with stupid excuses why I'll wait till next week. Next week never comes. I think I'm as over him as I'll ever be yet I can't turn those papers in. I decided I wouldn't, couldn't date or get involved with anyone till I was no longer married to him and I haven't. Maybe I'm thinking that paper saying we are married holds us together somehow, and Maybe I'm afraid that even a divorce won't cut that bond... or maybe I'm afraid it will.

[MissingHim2Much]

I'm just a few days past 3 months since my breakup and I honestly don't know from one day to the next what I'm going to feel like. Today I'm doing all right but yesterday was hell the day before that I wasn't to bad but the day before that was hell. I think I see a patteren in my future. I'm still in denial or maybe I would call it disbelief. STILLLL!! I think if I could just get it in my head that this is FOR REAL maybe I could get better. I don't feel anyone of us should be embarrassed about our recovery time. I feel that the reason it's taking some of us so long to heal is because we loved with our whole hearts and even though our ex's didn't see forever in us, we did in them and the adjustments we are having to make in our lives now are not only hard but takes lots of time.

[madaman]

Yeah its crazy the contrast between one day and the next. I miss her like mad, but I know that it will never be again. I have a small bit (tiny) of excitement for the future growing in me. Im trying to see it as my second chance to do whatever I want to do in life. It just sucks that she was so hot, but I guess all the crazy ones are haha.

[little firefly]

Hey madaman, you just gave me a revelation. Maybe that's why I suck at relationships... I'm really hot, but pretty psycho... hmmm. :)

[Jiser]

MMm well me and my ex broke up feb 07 day before valentines and 2 weeks before my 21st. Not that means anything but hey. It kind of ruined both days REAL BAD!!

I haven't spoke to my ex since July now. I had enough of being in contact with her and whatever that entails. i.e. all the stringing along. Every day I think of her less and less. The NC wonders are severely great! I advocate to all those who have had their heart broken.

I pretty much have a good life and I am in a much better place than my ex ever was or will be unless she wins the lottery. If she does - b*tch

[madaman]

I think my toughest task is staying focused on the long term goal : Getting over the girl and being happy with my life. Sometimes I forget that things are going to be OK and I start to feel despair which can spiral out of control pretty quickly. It is so hard to stay focused!

[lmnotok]

He never meant anything to me anymore. I saw his photos with his newgf few days ago but I didn't feel anything. Thanks to everything, I am at my best, physically and mentally. I felt so great.

Important thing is that you always have a belief in a bright future. Even when I was most depressed, I still believed that someday I will love someone who deserves my love.

Its his lost to lose me forever. I'm happy more than ever before!

[kuulski]

Well me and my ex have been nc for over 2 months. I am doing way better with handling the NC and not being consumed with it. I still have my emotional moments but I usually embrace them instead of beating myself up about thinking of her. I realized allot of the things she didn't like I didn't like either. 1. Smoking 2. Biting my nails. And others. So I have been focused on getting both of those things together. I haven't smoked for a couple weeks and I have not bitten my nails for the same amount of time. Big deal for me since I have been a lifer for both lol. I am not bitter towards my ex as I was cause I realize the break was needed. Good Luck Every 1 :>)