[Puppies]

I have lost my boyfriend three days ago and all I could do is to cry. It happened so sudden and feel life is not fair. He was found lying on the corridor of his house by his mum. We loved each other to bits and I feel without him life would never be the same. My family and friend are not around which makes it very hard as I really need someone to talk to. One minute I'm laughing thinking of the silly things we used to do together and the next minute my face is covered with floods of tears. Nights are my worst and they seemed to be very long. Can you offer any advice on how to deal with this?

[FrOsT_bItE]

The people you need right now are friends. Wherever you live you need to leave and go somewhere else for a while to give your body some time to get the fact of what happened to your boyfriend. I know what it feels like to lose someone but it is now time to move on, it may seem hard but the more you feel sadness the more you miss out on the things that are happening around you. A councilor or even go to your friends for a week or two can help a lot. Spend some time at places you like going to maybe and move on with your life. It's no good crying all day, it might sound harsh but when you cry you miss out on the better things in life.

[peggyhill]

I am so sorry for your loss. My brother passed on a little over a year ago, and I still miss him so bad it hurts. You need a lot of support right now. You should talk to a counselor. I am sure if you call around you will find someone willing to meet with you. If money is an issue, let them know, I'm sure they will be glad to work something out. Can you talk to your boyfriend's parents? I'm sure they are grieving too. It helps to talk to people who know how you feel. You should talk to your family and friends on the phone and online too if you can. Ask a friend to call you before you go to bed at night. Maybe this will help with your loneliness. When my brother passed on, a counselor gave me some advice that helped me. She said for a half hour each day, get out pictures, notes, etc. anything that reminded me of him. She said look at it and just cry. Let it all out. After a week or so, take twenty five minutes and cry and look at pictures. You gradually reduce your "cry time". After a couple months have gone by, you will have gotten a lot of grief out. It still hurts, don't get me wrong. But it helped me control my crying so it wasn't overwhelming me. Knowing I had that time set aside to grieve helped me keep it together at work, etc. There are many support groups out there for people who have lost a loved one. A counselor's office, community center, and often even a funeral home can provide information on support groups. Reach out for help, even to people you don't know. I believe you will find that they will welcome you with open arms. You need a shoulder to cry on right now. Try to stay as busy as you can. One thing that helped me deal with sad nights was to buy a funny audio book to listen to. That way as I fell asleep, I was listening to something that made me smile. I hope this helps. Let me know if you need someone to listen. God bless.

[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

I'm really sorry for your loss.
I've been going through exactly the same thing recently, all the crying and severe sleep deprivation. I found it best to firstly, tell your friends, I mean you don't have to talk to them about how you feel if you don't want to, but at least you'll know they are there and secondly keep busy, try and do as much of the same things as you do day in, day out, routine is really important.
Hope this helps. Keep remembering the happy times.

[Gernald]

Nights are always the worst, and you'll probably be really sad about his death for a while. Something like that can really take a while to get over and I'm sure family and friends understand that you're not going to just be happy all of a sudden.
I know this is something everyone says but try to remember all of the good times, how he made you laugh, what he did to make you feel so great with him.
It's okay to cry, it's normal. My Uncle died in 97 and I still find myself collapsing from tears in the shower or while I'm trying to go to bed.
Not being sad is in a way not healthy. But, if you don't want to think about him try doing something that you like to do, spend time with some close friends or devote a day to shopping for christmas gifts.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.

[Robert Brenner]

Puppie, I know how hard it is to deal with this. My son died at age 20 in 1993 and I still deal with it everyday, still. Let me know if I can help

[tryingtocope]

I have lost my boyfriend three days ago and all i could do is to cry. It happened so sudden and feel life is not fair. He was found lying on the corridor of his house by his mum. We loved each other to bits and i feel without him life would never be the same. My family and friend are not around which makes it very hard as i really need someone to talk to. One minute im laughing thinking of the silly things we used to do together and the next minute my face is covered with floods of tears. Nights are my worst and they seemed to be very long. Can you offer any advice on how to deal with this?

My daughters b/f died in a car accident 9 days ago. Maybe the 2 of you can talk and help each other. I have never been through tis, and I don't know how she feels. It is killing me that I cannot "make it better".. Maybe you can help each other? His name was Donovan Perry. We have left his face book active and she goes on it with his friends to help her feel close to him. Maybe if you go there, say something about this site and she can add you?

[EmeraldHope]

Dear Puppies,
Your note said your boyfriend died about three days ago. You may not realize it, but you're still in shock. The shock works as a protective shield until you're ready to work through this loss. There are a few things you may need to remember. No one can take away your pain. Family and friends can offer a shoulder to cry on or they can "hold space" for you by listening to your feelings but don't expect them to take away the pain. You should also know that you will NOT always be in this much pain. In time, as you work through this loss, you will begin to realize the pain is lifting a little and you'll begin seeing your way to move into a new life. Right now you may be thinking that you'd like the old life back but give it time.

Take it one day at a time. I would suggest you start a journal. This is not a diary of what you're doing every day, but a journal of what you're feeling. You'll begin to see changes, you will be aware of the healing that is taking place in your life and believe it or not, you will begin to experience joy again. Use different colored pens! If you're angry, be angry, if you're in pain,. write it out. The important thing is to get it out of your body and onto paper.

Did you know it takes two years to work through grief? That's two years from the time you begin to do your work, not two years from the time your loved one died. That does not mean you'll be in this horrible pain all that time. In fact, once you begin to do your work, you'll be surprised at the miracles that happen in your life.

Grieving is a necessary "selfish journey". Keeping everything inside will only make matters worse. "Stuffing" creates physical, mental and spiritual problems. It's been my experience that people in grief don't know what their own needs are. Some expect their loved ones to be mind readers and that creates a lot of hard feelings in families. Also, everyone grieves in their own way so please take some time to think back at how you've handled other losses in your life. I have friends who need someone around them all them time; someone who will tell them everything will be OK and who pretty much hold their hand on most of the healing journey. Others, need to deal with the immediate loss on their own and can only allow others to help once they have initially dealt with the loss in their own way.

It's important to verbalize your needs with family or friends so they know when to offer help. You decide what your needs are and then don't be afraid to ask for help. People want to do soething but they may not want to intrude or they may be afraid to make a mistake that will only make you feel worse.

Puppies, be kind and gentle with yourself. You are NOT going to "crack up" but you are going to discover a lot about yourself during this time. Drop me a line if you have any questions or if you just need to vent.

Blessings,
Emerald Hope

[Mylittlesunshyne]

Hi there!

I'm very sorry... So... very very sorry... I want to cry myself, thinking what it would be like, if I lost my parents... I know what I type doesen't sound like a regular 13 year old... I'm a little bit different... I would contact a psychologist, and call up your family members.

[confussedcollegekid]

Dear puppies,

I'm very sorry for your loss, I understand what your going through and its very difficult I lost my father when I was 11 years old and it complelty changed my life. Try to confide within your family members and friends, stay active but don't take on too much new responsibility.

[Mylittlesunshyne]

This makes me sad, it shouldn't happen to anyone. Why can humans die so easily after they have spent so much time doing things....What's the point?Some say its to keep the human race alive, but then again...What's the point of that? Why do we spend time talking to people...if one day they could just die? Wheres the point? We probably won't be able to answer these questions for a long time..I have a natural tendency to learn as much as I can about everything...but then I look back and see what i've accomplished, and say..."What's the point?" After I die, whatever form of energy my body turns into...I probably won't remember myself...So, I can say nothing except to have the best time I can here on our little greek planet we call "Earth" So when I have a loss (Nothing compared to yours) all I can do is try to get over it, so I don't waste my time here on earth. Thank you, God bless.

[Anitamarie]

I have lost my boyfriend three days ago and all i could do is to cry. It happened so sudden and feel life is not fair. He was found lying on the corridor of his house by his mum. We loved each other to bits and i feel without him life would never be the same. My family and friend are not around which makes it very hard as i really need someone to talk to. One minute im laughing thinking of the silly things we used to do together and the next minute my face is covered with floods of tears. Nights are my worst and they seemed to be very long. Can you offer any advice on how to deal with this?

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost the my high school boyfriend last year on Nov.13 2006. And I am still having a difficult time. It has been years since we dated but I am living with pain and remorse too, because I broke up with him. And can not remember if I said sorry. He was a wonderful person and I can't believe he is gone. I understand some of what you are going through. If you need to talk please email me any time. Okay. Maybe we can be support for one another. My email is [email protected]. Write anytime. I will try and be here for you.

[aboleth]

I'm so glad to hear you can laugh a bit about the good times, and you are remembering positive things. Because you know what? You've got the key to it right there. You've got those good things to remember. You've got a reason to remember him.

When someone dies so suddenly, it's hard to get closure. I really suggest you reach out to him with a letter, or do something every day/week/month to honor him. Just some sort of simple ritual. Even meditation. Tell one of his jokes... call a friend and have a laugh about something he used to do. Keep that memory alive, and keep it positive. Don't dwell on the fact that you can't do things with him anymore. Rejoice over what you were able to do.

I wish you the bes tof luck.

[bridgebutt304]

It is the same with me: nights are horrible. It's been about 2 months for me.. and I felt like I was getting better then it got worse all over again. Things that would never normally remind me of him: do. Things that would never normally make me angry or annoy me: do. But talking to friends seems to only help when I'm in the middle of a breakdown, when I'm "okay" I feel like talking about it makes it worse. The only things that seem to help are honestly crying and keeping really busy. Even though I occasionally feel guilty for living- it's a lot better than doing nothing. Though sometimes sitting there and staring at a TV is all I can do some days.
All I can say is you have to do what YOU need to do. Don't let other people's opinions on how you live your life right now get to you because they don't/can't understand how you're feeling. My only advice is when someone asks you to hang out you should go. When you have the opportunity to go out on a nice day, or even go dance in the rain, you should do it. Every little thing helps.
God Bless.

[StillSmoothsGir]

I know how you feel just Thursday January 21, 2010 my boyfriend quinton passed away from a motocycle wreck I haven't been to school since and I don't plan to for awhile... we were going to get married after high school and have kids its hard to believe its not going to happen. But what's keeping me going is knowing he's there watching over me waiting until its my turn to meet him by the gates. Its hard and I'm barely getting by I can't eat or sleep. I'm asking him for an answer of why god needed him so so soon, since he was just 15, I'm still waiting because I know when he thinks I'm ready he will tell me. And you can talk to your boyfriend too, I'm sure he's been with you since he left to be with god.

[jheller]

Puppies the exact thing happened to me a month ago... my first love Drew Enfield died recently from an acute type of leukemia... he was just 15... well when I read this old post all I could do was cry because I found somebody who might be able to help me! Well I know that I'm supposed to be helping YOU but I noticed that your post was oldish so I was wondering if you would be OK with telling me how you gotpast this (if you have)

[KittyKais]

Puppies;
My boyfriend recently had cancer, and he couldn't stand me being upset so he... purpsely did thingd to"speed up his passing". Sweetie, try to remember the good times-i do, ans sometimes I even fing myself crying while I laugh. I remember when he talked to me about his funeral, he said he wanted to be buried with his plastic pipe! Ha, yeah, we both used to muk around with plastic pipes. And in skool the other day, when someone I no. was dissin' her boyfriend, I started to cry.

[KittyKais]

Hang in there

[SERDEE]

Emerald,
What you wrote was exactly the truth... Thanks for writing this.