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vkd1401 · Oct 23, 2007, 10:39 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now, and we are planning on getting married November of 2008. I know that's a long time away, but I asked him what he was planning to do at his bachelors party, I asked if he was going to go to a strip club. He said yes and said that strip clubs or getting a stripper is tradition and he is going to do it with his friends. I know this is a long way away, but the thought of him having a half naked or naked woman dancing on his lap hurts me so bad. He said its just like the last night out with the guys before his marriage and said that he loves me. I told him how I felt about it, but he didn't really say much about it. I feel like if he gets a stripper or goes to a strip club I'm not going to want anything to do with him. Am I out of place? I might feel so strongly about this because my parents just got divorced last year because my dad cheated on my mom. I know my boyfriend won't cheat on me, I know he won't. But I feel like giong to a strip club when you are iin a relationship is cheating. I feel like cheating can be a variety of things, and this is one. I just want to know if I am out of place thinking this before I tell him really how I feel about this.

latinlita · Oct 23, 2007, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by vkd1401

me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now, and we are planning on getting married november of 2008. i know thats a long time away, but i asked him what he was planning to do at his bachelors party, i asked if he was going to go to a strip club. he said yes and said that strip clubs or getting a stripper is tradition and he is going to do it with his friends. i know this is a long way away, but the thought of him having a half naked or naked woman dancing on his lap hurts me so bad. he said its just like the last night out with the guys before his marraige and said that he loves me. i told him how i felt about it, but he didnt really say much about it. i feel like if he gets a stripper or goes to a strip club im not going to want anything to do with him. am i out of place? i might feel so strongly about this because my parents just got divorced last year because my dad cheated on my mom. i know my boyfriend wont cheat on me, i know he wont. but i feel like giong to a strip club when you are iin a relationship is cheating. i feel like cheating can be a variety of things, and this is one. i just want to know if i am out of place thinking this before i tell him really how i feel about this.

I think you are being a little overdramatic. If he is as good of a guy as you say he is.. there should be no problem. It is just my opinion but I think you should let him go. Just ask that not visit a strip club after this day.

andrea_louise · Oct 23, 2007, 06:38 PM

If that was me, if he was going to a strip club then I will be getting a stripper /hunkamania for my hen night. If that's what he wants, you have to get that too, does that make any sense?

KISS · Oct 23, 2007, 07:15 PM

Why don't you do the same and have a bachelorette party. This will be one thing that you won't be able to argue over later down the road.

vkd1401 · Oct 24, 2007, 05:11 PM

I don't want one though, I mean I know it makes sense if he's doing it, then I should just do it too. But it will still hurt as bad knowing that he willingly wants a stripper dancing on him thenight before he gets married. What a way to show your love for someone, right?

shygrneyzs · Oct 24, 2007, 05:18 PM

Not all guys do the going to the strip club for the bachelor party. I know many do, as a celebration of their last night of "freedom" but I wish that whole mentality would change. It is like saying that tonight I should have all the fun I can because I am getting married tomorrow and the fun ends. I understand your concern but you say you trust him and he would never cheat on you. Going to a strip club does not mean he is having sex with those dancers - in fact, the dancers are pretty much off limits when it comes to sexual favors. I would not look at this in a threatening way. Accept that he wants to do this - he could change his mind. If you have talked to him about how you honestly feel and he said not to worry, then do not worry. IF you feel you really cannot handle this, then you really need to look at the relationship and ask yourself why you are with him. Maybe something else is going on.

RustyFairmount · Oct 24, 2007, 06:44 PM

It's just a strip club. It's a public place, with bouncers, cameras, and police walk-throughs. If his friends were hiring a prostitute (or several) for him for "entertainment" at a private location, now THAT's a problem.

Let him have his fun, but be sure to communicate with him your feelings BEFORE he goes. His buddies will have more fun than he does. All your guy will be thinking about is marrying you and spending the rest of his life with the woman he loves.

statictable · Oct 25, 2007, 12:33 AM

You asked him a question and he gave you an honest answer. Help me a little please. Why did you ask him the question? Why is the wedding a year from now? Where did your question come from? So much can change in a year. Try not to over read his answer. By the way, have you ever been in a Turkish prison or sat on a commercial pilots lap? Have you ever seen a guy checking you out? Did you know that many men appreciate a woman in skirt and blouse more than if she were nude.

CuriousCutie · Nov 4, 2007, 03:39 PM

I'm having this same problem with my boyfriend right now. I think going to a strip club is disrespectful if you're in a relationship. There's no reason for it. I think that if your guy (and mine) know how upset you are, then they really shouldn't go. My boyfriend hasn't gone yet, but has told me he eventually will... if his buddies want to go. I love my boyfriend, but I'm ready to call it quits with him. I don't care if it's just him "looking" at naked chicks. I consider it cheating. Bottom line.

jillianleab · Nov 4, 2007, 03:51 PM

I personally have no problem with my husband going to a strip club for a celebration or the occasional guy's night out. I DO have a problem with private strippers coming into my home or someone else's home, however (seems sleazier to me). I trust my husband, trust his friends, and know that the strippers have zero interest in the men in their clubs and do not perform sexual favors for them. In many places women aren't even allowed to be fully nude, and in some areas they must maintain a certain distance from the patrons of the club. Many clubs also have "no touch" policies - this means lap dances aren't done with contact, men are not allowed to touch the women and women are not allowed to touch the men. Violation of this rule gets people thrown out. Knowing these things it doesn't bother me.

But it bothers you. That's what is important. I think you should have a frank discussion with your fiancé and explain to him why you are uncomfortable with him going to a strip club. If it is something that really, really bothers you, he should not do it. But try and be rational and reasonable about it - he's coming home to YOU he's going to marry YOU he loves YOU. Some woman who makes her living shaking her boobs at a bunch of frat boys isn't likely a threat!

DorkVader23 · Dec 17, 2007, 12:58 AM

I honestly think that could be a bad sign. I don't know your boy friend but honestly look at what he is doing. He is not willing to compromise or anything to respect your feelings emotions and opinion. If he is such a great guy and loves you so much he should be willing to find a compromise on it and respect your opinion not say too bad I'm doing it anyway. I hope things work out for you and wish you the best.

mafiaangel180 · Dec 17, 2007, 06:19 AM

You know what? Tell your future hubby that you plan on getting a second job...

Then surprise him and be the stripper. HAHAHA. Then surprise him even more and say that you've had the job for two weeks.

excon · Dec 17, 2007, 06:32 AM

Hello v:

Relax! He's going because it's a tradition. He's NOT going because of the girls. There's a BIG difference between those two things...

I'm not a drinker, but I got drunk at my bachelor party because it's tradition...

excon

talaniman · Dec 17, 2007, 06:51 AM

This is something to talk about before you tie the knot. It's the little resentments like this that creep into a marriage and ruin it. If his actions are a dealbreaker, don't get married. If you can't let it go, don't get married. There is another side to this also, HIS. So if you think a man should cave because of how you feel, then expect to be caving when he expresses how he feels. The point, examine your feelings, before you express them. Communicate, or forever hold your peace.

AustProd6 · Dec 18, 2007, 04:23 AM

What's more important, one posible night of fun with a life time of mental agony or one night of fun with to be wife with a better result and a life time of happiness.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2007, 08:02 AM

I think females give this issue way too much importance and exaggerate the results out of proportion. Lap dances are to expensive for the average guy and the beers ar so high. Most guys drink the beer and forget the lap dance, geez she doesn't even touch you, and one night, he won't even remember any of the females the next day.

Under_a_rock · Dec 19, 2007, 10:25 AM

This is just my opinion... I know that not everyone will agree with me.

I [U]think[U] I know exactly how you feel. I had the same problem with my husband before we got married.
Tell him how you feel. You are not the only one who feels that way. If you don't come to an understanding on this subject before you make one of the biggest commitments of your life, you may regret it.
I told my husband how I felt. I trusted him completely at the time. He brushed my concerns off like it was just jealousy.
I regret not trying harder to come to a resolution before the wedding. We have constant battles over this and other similar subjects.
I don't want you to think that your boyfriend would turn out that way, I really hope that everything works out wonderfully for you.
Just know that it takes a really really long time to truly get to know someone. Sometimes when you feel hurt or betrayed like that by the person you love, it is hard to get over it.
It can lead to depression, and a complete loss of self-esteem.
Try to get all your feelings out on the table, try to understand his point of view, and try to help him understand yours.
Good Luck.

nicespringgirl · Dec 19, 2007, 12:17 PM

At least he is honest about where he is going to be.
Does he know you are not comfortable with it?

peggyhill · Dec 19, 2007, 03:16 PM

Well, I guess it depends on what your personal views are on strip clubs. Not all guys go for their bachelor party, but a lot do. If it bothers you, talk to him about it. If you think it shouldn't bother you, but it still does, tell him that too. Do you have a brother or close guy friend that could go along and keep an eye on things? My best friend was really worried about her boyfriend going to a club for his party. She trusted him but was worried about him drinking too much, other guys trying to hook him up with someone, etc. Her brother went along to the party, and told her later that nothing bad happened. Maybe that would be a compromise for you. But, like I said, talk to him about it. People have different morals, beliefs, etc. and it's better to know where each of you stand before you get married. Good luck to you.

stonewilder · Dec 19, 2007, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by vkd1401

i dont want one though, i mean i know it makes sense if hes doing it, then i should just do it too. but it will still hurt as bad knowing that he willingly wants a stripper dancing on him thenight before he gets married. what a way to show your love for someone, right?

The thing is the bachelor party is a celebration of his last night as a single man (which he chose). The bachelor party has nothing to do with showing you how much he loves you... that comes the next day when he says "I do". And really if you think about it, when two people make plans and get married who is it about? Mostly the bride. Let this one thing be all about him and what he wants.