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Audrey23 · Oct 22, 2007, 08:37 PM

OK so I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 6 months. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we were best friends, told each other everything, we were both head over heals for each other (considering he definitely had to fight for a while to get me), and we had what I thought was the perfect relationship... until I transferred schools. Which by the way made things so very difficult. At first it was fine, but recently we have been having some trouble with the whole long distance thing. We were completely fine a week ago but had another falling out last Thursday. We ended up breaking up and not talking for a day or two (completely not like us). But it was kind of expected that we would get back together.and then I got a phone call. He kept telling me how much he loves me and that he was sorry for being so stubborn about the whole situation. As I'm sitting there I'm thinking "we are gonna be fine, we both love each other, we could work through this no biggie" and then all of the sudden he said he needed to tell me something if our relationship is going to ever work out... he told me the night after we got into a fight that he went downtown and ended up spending the night with a girl. My first ? Was if they had sex. He said they only kissed and to be honest, I believe him with all my heart so that's not my dilemma. Would this be considered cheating? (spending the night but no sex)to me it is because he chose someone else over me just because we had a bad night. I just don't know if I should forgive him. I love him so much and yes he feels absolutely horrible(which he should by the way), but is it really ever possible to forget about something like this and make the relationship work? Or am I slightly overreacting and its just an issue that is easily forgivable?
the reason I'm absolutely on here is b.c if I ask my friends and family they are all going to choose my side and that's the last thing I need right now, I want unbiased answers.

to sum it up: its kind of the whole ross and rachel scenario for all you FRIENDS fans. We weren't together at the time but it had only been a day. And he spent the night with a random girl. (she actually goes to the school I go to now and is in my sorority... I don't know her though because I didn't join at this school) weird ! He didn't know her or have any feelings for her. Just kissed. Regrets it more than anything.

Ohh wow I am completely rambling and this paragraph makes very little to no sense : / I hope you get the idea.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 22, 2007, 09:38 PM

I don't believe for a minute they didn't have sex, and you guys are in different places, so does this mean every time you have a spat he's going to spend the night (but not have sex) with another girl?
Is it cheating No. Should you forgive him? That's up to you, but if he can go from you to another girl in one day, the love can't be that strong.

grammadidi · Oct 22, 2007, 10:08 PM

Sure, you can forgive him... IF you don't have a problem with your man running to the arms of another woman if the two of you are having a rough time. Obviously his way of being head over heels in love is very different than yours - NOT a good sign. In my opinion, this guy is very insecure, unfaithful and not very trustworthy. I think there are a LOT of really nice guys out there... so why waste time on one who doesn't respect your relationship with each other?

Hugs, Didi

kingjames · Oct 22, 2007, 10:19 PM

Don't expect any better of him and he should'nt expect you to behave any differantly then he does. You are not married. You are both immoral if you have been sharing a bed. Get right with the creator of this world and realize that you are his creation. Then read your bible for instructions on how to have a joyfilled life. Philippians 4:13 " I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENETH ME". Youneed help? Listen to this. Jesus said : come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laiden and i will give you rest,for my yoke is easy and my bourden is light".talk to god in the middle of the night.ask him what to do.then watch and listen for his answer.he dos'nt screem so listen very carefully for his answer. God will speak to your heart if you are willing to do his will. He is capeable of filling your life,your world with gladness and he wants to do this for you but you must want it for yourself or it will never happen. Put your faith in god before your whole world falls apart

kingjames

grammadidi · Oct 22, 2007, 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by kingjames

DON'T EXPECT ANY BETTER OF HIM AND HE SHOULD'NT EXPECT YOU TO BEHAVE ANY DIFFERANTLY THEN HE DOES. YOU ARE NOT MARRIED. YOU ARE BOTH IMMORAL IF YOU HAVE BEEN SHARING A BED. GET RIGHT WITH THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD AND REALIZE THAT YOU ARE HIS CREATION. THEN READ YOUR BIBLE FOR INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO HAVE A JOYFILLED LIFE. PHILIPPIANS 4:13 " I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENETH ME". YOUNEED HELP? LISTEN TO THIS. JESUS SAID : COME UNTO ME ALL YOU WHO LABOR AND ARE HEAVY LAIDEN AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST,FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BOURDEN IS LIGHT".TALK TO GOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.ASK HIM WHAT TO DO.THEN WATCH AND LISTEN FOR HIS ANSWER.HE DOS'NT SCREEM SO LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY FOR HIS ANSWER. GOD WILL SPEAK TO YOUR HEART IF YOU ARE WILLING TO DO HIS WILL. HE IS CAPEABLE OF FILLING YOUR LIFE,YOUR WORLD WITH GLADNESS AND HE WANTS TO DO THIS FOR YOU BUT YOU MUST WANT IT FOR YOURSELF OR IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD BEFORE YOUR WHOLE WORLD FALLS APART
kingjames

This response might be suitable for a post on the Religion board, but is not suitable for these types of threads.

josh411 · Oct 22, 2007, 11:32 PM

They prob had sex and even if they didn't that IS CHEATING! NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER OR GIVE THEM ANOTHER CHANCE. Fight or non fight, there's no reason to do that

KelseyBom · Oct 24, 2007, 01:30 PM

If your man has always been honest with you in the past (and if you really do know this 100%)... then there isn't any reason to not believe that all they did was kiss. No, this was not right and it was wrong of him and I think it's cheating... I would worry about what every one else is saying too... that if he really truly loved you like you said he did, I don't know why he would do this the same (or next?) day... on the other hand... men can be simple creatures... I'm sure he was probably pissed at you and pissed at what was going on in your relationship, he might have done this as some sort of revenge... which of course doesn't make it right either. But it could have been one stupid thing that he did when he was feeling low. The thing I feel is good is that he told you about it and came clean when it could have ended everything... he obviously feels bad about it and wants to work it out with you. My advice... be careful with him... but if you love him and it's good most times... forgive him this once... if it happens again or if you two have more problems... it may be time then to cut him lose...