[jasondbel]

Awesome advice. WOW! THis whole damn website and you have got to be the only one that truly made damn sense.

[jasondbel]

I went through the same thing (I read all this when I started posting my ten cents at the halfaway mark I think on the 15th page) so I didn't get it all, then I went back after everyone condemned me and realized I had missed what seemed like 15 pages lol I love it its great. I went through the same thing with almost every girl I was with. My solution was once the fading the taintedness appeared I was gone immedietly. Why waste time too many out there. I look back and damn I wish I was still with her or her or her but you know what? I wouldn't have been able to be with her and her and her. I would still be stuck with her... years down the line after her I realized that maybe I didn't love her as much as I thought I did maybe it was in me the entire time. I learned there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. I don't go to A/A to pick up women but I have picked up women there.

[jolienoire]

I went through the exact same thing (i read all this when i started posting my ten cents at the halfaway mark i think on the 15th page) so i didnt get it all, then i went back after everyone condemned me and realized i had missed what seemed like 15 pages lol i luv it its great. I went through the same thing with almost every girl i was with. My solution was once the fading the taintedness appeared i was gone immedietly. Why waste time too many out there. I look back and damn i wish i was still with her or her or her but you know what? i wouldnt have been able to be with her and her and her. I would still be stuck with her...years down the line after her i realized that maybe i didnt love her as much as i thought i did maybe it was in me the entire time. I learned there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. I dont go to A/A to pick up women but i have picked up women there.

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to spend the rest of your life with a psycho." "

[friend4u178]

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to spend the rest of your life with a psycho." "

Ha ha how true Jolie :)

[jasondbel]

There really is no lesson here to be learned except... That is love. That is the bitter sweet symphony of a woman. Its beautiful isn't it? Wait to you meet your next encounter. So if you are writing word for word out of a love novel because you are bored that's one thing props to you for the idea but if this is really going on bro you have to... you have to ummmm hit up an A/A meeting.lol. Trust me. Go.

[enigmagnetic]

He doesn't need an AA meeting. Jeez what's wrong with you? There are plenty of single women. You just got to get strong enough and do well for yourself and put yourself out there once you're ready. I've never tried to find a relationship it just happens. Seriously though who are you Tyler Durden?

[FrOsT_bItE]

Everybody needs a break from any kind of relationship. Sometimes when there's no break, there's no relationship. Don't feel doubtful, it's just the way some people are. Everyone needs a break.

[jasondbel]

Jeez have you ever been to an A/A meeting? If not then shut the f$#@ up because anyone who writes a book about a breakup on a website to me is mentally blahhh sorry pal I'm oldschool you don't have to be a drunk to benefit A/A ever seen fight club? Check it ou

[FrOsT_bItE]

Break doesn't mean break up stupid! Like I say, heaps of people need a break but yeah, even 3 weeks is to long

[sadsilly]

I just read this entire thread and I think it's great you put in that much effort for your ex. Honestly, you put up with so much, I think it's pretty amazing to tell you the truth.

At least this way you will have zero regrets. If anything, it's her that will think of you because you were so good to her. You sound like such a great guy. I hope it all works out whichever way that is.

[jasondbel]

You people act like A/A is a bunch of ignorant crazy drunks. Sounds to me like this guy is full of depression. He is going bazooka in his head over this girl. He needs help. I guarantee someone at a meeting is not an alcoholic an is going through the same thing and brings insight. He needs to be around people not a danm computer to help ease his pain. Im not going to say go to a shrink and pay 150.00 nor am I going to agree that sitting on this website when depressed is a good thing as well as much as you people believe it is. SOOO why not go sit for one friggin measly hour in a circle and hear what others are going through on a personal face to face level for a buck. Why do you people keep knocking A f@#$$#@ A? If you've never been quit causing me to lose a point people!

[jasondbel]

A/A helps build strength back up. The earlier a person gets involved the program the better an outcome and something to lean on later on in life when times do get tough. And its only a buck a meeting. A/A helps build strength gives a person there energy back. How dare you people knock me on something and have never been.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to find out where the nearest alcoholics anonymous group is and try it out. Wait till you see the girls there older women too!

This was your first comment about AA. No one doubts that it is a good organization, it' a great one for what it does, but it is not a place to go for "the girls or older women too" or one that I would advise people to go to if they are just depressed. If he were having a problem with drinking or some other addiction someone here would have suggested it. He is just having a rough time and he will get through it. The majority of us here don't mind listening to him, that's what we're here for. And those who are tired of hearing it can bow out at any time.

[jasondbel]

You all take care good luck.

[freakinconfused]

Wow. The directions this thread sometimes takes... Ah well, that's what this place is for right? Well, I have an interesting little update, but I won't post it until later tonight because I'm at work right now. Stay tuned!

[jolienoire]

Wow. The directions this thread sometimes takes... Ah well, that's what this place is for right?! Well, I have an interesting little update, but I won't post it until later tonight because I'm at work right now. Stay tuned!

Ohh Can't wait I am at work too, going home soon, I seriously need a life..

[freakinconfused]

OK so here's the latest update. Since I spent the night with the ex after having dinner last week (see previous posts), and after finding out that she had "made out" with someone (a week ago today. I put it in quotes because I suspect she's probably done more than just make out), I have pretty much just quit talking to her.

However, since then she has texted me like 8 times and has called pretty frequently (something like 10 or 12 times). I've responded to zero texts, and a couple of calls (mostly after she's called repeatedly). These calls I kept short, and I always ended them because I had other things to do (or at least I made it seem that way).

Also, in this time, her bad influence roommate has moved out of my ex's apartment and back to her hometown like 3 hours away. YAY! Except, now I feel like the reason my ex is doing the following (read on) is because she is lonely and has no one with her at her place. I don't feel bad for her though, because she's probably got a guy over there, but who knows, that might just be my imagination. Can't be sure, and I'm not going to waste time spying.

The texts mostly say things like "I had a great time going to dinner with you" and "I would really like to be kissing you now" and "I would really like to hear your voice" and "I miss you," etc. etc. I'm just going to say, before anyone jumps on me, that I am pretty sure that these are all just attempts to get me to respond to her emotionally (game playing, if you will) and I haven't.

Two days ago (Monday) she called two or three times, and I didn't answer. Then she called me at 1:40AM and I answered. She was crying and was upset (I know, I know, just a ploy to pull me into her emotional trap). I listened, being cool and collected, and being fully aware of what she was doing, and basically didn't respond to her emotionally. I didn't ask what was wrong or anything. She kept trying to calm down, but couldn't (more like she wouldn't because she wanted me to feel bad too). I just kept asking if she needed to get off the phone and get herself under control. She kept saying no, and that she would be fine, but she basically just continued to sound upset and cry. So we have a normal conversation for a bit, and then she comes out and says she feels like I just don't care about her anymore, and that I was just done with her. When she said that I started thinking 'Well, duh, what did you expect me to do, wait around for you forever?' Of course I didn't actually say that. But anyway, I told her that I wasn't going to do this bull$#!t on the phone, and if she wanted to have a normal chat, that's fine, but otherwise she already knew my feelings about the situation, and that I'm not going to sit around and waste my time talking to someone who can't get under control and stop crying. She said, "OK, I just thought your feelings might have changed" or something along those lines. I didn't really respond to that. She seemed to calm down (probably when she realized her emotional games weren't working) she started talking about how she wanted me to come over after work on Tuesday so that she could make me dinner (she actually left a message earlier saying this). I told her I would consider, but If she wanted to eat with me she should instead come out to my place and make me dinner. Then the conversation went on normally for a bit, and then I decided that I was going to switch up dinner on her and said I would rather do it Wed. night. She agreed, but was kind of hesitant (wonder why? Was I messing up her plans with her 'other' guy?) She then asked if she could bring her dog and spend the night. I was like, "I don't know if that's a good idea." But, I didn't say no, and I didn't say yes.

So then she asked if I would at least come by after work Tues. (yesterday). I told her I might. She then called up my work yesterday, but my boss intercepted the call and said I was busy (something I've asked him to do). She then calls again, and unfortunately I happened to answer the phone then. She asks if I would come over after work, and I told her no because I had band practice and my mom needed me to help her move some things (both true). She then said "Well, I made you cookies. Can I bring them to you before you leave?" I told her that was fine because, well, free home-made cookies! I knew it was just an excuse to come see me though. So she shows up like 5 minutes before I leave with some cookies and a thermos of cold milk. She is looking pretty and obviously has put on perfume. So we chat for a few minutes, and she notices the new guy (my replacement) and asks who he is. I told her that he's my replacement because, starting Monday, I'm switching store locations so that I don't have to drive 30 minutes to work. She seemed a little agitated by that, but I'm not sure, it could have just been in my head.

So then she walks me out to my car and basically traps me there and starts crying and asking me why I'm just acting like I don't care about her anymore and why I'm acting like I'm done with her. She then goes on to say that she's done some thinking over the past couple of weeks and really wants to work on "us" (basically saying what she thinks I want to hear) and really feels bad about the whole thing and is sorry, and that I'm the best thing to happen to her, etc. etc. Probably all bull$#!t, but it's hard to tell because I find it difficult to trust her. I just sit there and stare at her tears, but I DON'T get emotional AT ALL, because that is exactly what she was expecting of me. She then tells me that it seems like I'm just enjoying being without her. I told her that she knows my feelings, and that I love her and never wanted a break, and that it's extremely hard for me to believe what she says now because she's ruined my trust in her, and that I'm not going to lie, my feelings for her are less strong than they used to be (which is somewhat true) but they aren't gone. I said all of this with a cold, straight face of course, not raising my voice or anything. Then she says she's sick of her apartment and wants to get out of the area. I told her she had better start looking for a new job in the big city she's planning on moving to (as if to say "have fun, I'm not going with you"). She then brings up that she wants to move to a big city, but wants to go with me. I basically tell her that it's going to take a lot of work for us to get back to a point to where I'd feel comfortable doing that, and that I don't think I'll be moving anytime soon, but want a better job around here and make more $. I asked what she's going to do, and she said she'll probably move back in with her mom (her mom lives in the same area as me, about 10 minutes away) because she wants to be with me and will do what she has to for "us" (yeah right! Probably a lie.) I told her why doesn't she get an apartment with one of her friends, and she told me she didn't want to because she would then have to commit to another year here. I basically thought at that point, 'Well then you must not care about me that much or want to be with me that much because if I NEEDED to stay here longer, and you REALLY wanted to work on "us" and be with me, you would stay as long as I needed to.' Anyway, at that point I got fed up and told her I had to leave. Still crying, she asks me if she at least gets a hug. I give her one for about 10 seconds, but she keeps trying to hang on, so I actually have to pry her off me. Then she says "OK, I'll call you tomorrow to finalize dinner plans, and I'll see you tomorrow night." She goes and gets in her car, and I jump in mine. I don't even look at her or wave bye, I just leave. Ahh, playing the cold coquette is fun! Not. It's stressful.

So then, I warm it up several hours later by sending a text (the one text I've sent to her in weeks) saying "Thanks for the cookies! They are good!" She calls later, but I don't respond.

So that's where we are now. She is going to call later and make sure dinner is still on. I haven't decided if I should say that something came up and I should reschedule (playing the game) or let her come over and see how things flow. I will probably let her come over and make me dinner, but I will, WITHOUT A DOUBT, filter every action she takes and word she speaks as being "game play," and I will spin it back on her, and continue to be slightly cold and aloof like I've been, but throw in a warm moment (like the above text). I know, I know, games are for kids, but I need practice. Also, I really want to see if the things she says are legit (95% chance they aren't), and if she really is sorry for what she's done and wants to try to get back together, or if she is still just full of $#!t. Suggestions anyone? My mom thinks I should let her come over, cook, and see how it goes. If I'm happy with it, then maybe she can spend the night, but that I should be wary and not fall into any traps. If I'm not happy with dinner, then I should tell her it was lovely, but I've got things to do and she needs to go. Either way, my mom thinks I should just not call her/speak with her/text her for several days afterward, and just ignore all of her attempts to contact for a few days.

[kuulski]

I have to say that this girl seems to be bringing the hammer homie. Lol!
I am not saying give in or stop what you are doing however she seems to be sincere.
I would feel her out and see how she is when the emotions die down.
Damn! Lol

Must feel good :>)

Good Luck!

[jolienoire]

I actually read all of this, Whew


But basically in a nutshell, everyone has abandoned her, her friends, probably the new guy is a jerk, probably not calling or contacting her, It made her realize that the one true person who really cared was you.. The thing with this is okay she wants you back, but DO you really want her back? And what happens when her friends come back in the picture will she abandon you again? It is a tough decision, don't open up too much only to get hurt again and don't rush to make a decision to not hurt her by saying "yes" and then regretting it later... You need to do some serious thinking.. I am glad that you can stand your ground now. But if you can't trust her, I don't see how this is going to work... Trust and communication are severely important in any relationship.. She needs to know and understand and because you lost trust the relationship will NEVER EVER be the same NEVER..

Think about it real deep... No one can tell you what to do I think you know what you have to do... Whatever your decision is GOOD luck.. Stay and not trust... perhaps fall out of love with her completely... Or Love and let go, and leave your love for her neutral...

[freakinconfused]

But if you can't trust her, I don't see how this is going to work... Trust and communication are severly important in any relationship..

I've thought some about this. I'm not saying that I couldn't ever trust her again. I'm simply saying that right now my trust in her has severely diminished, and it will take A LONG time to rebuild it if I choose to go down that road. And she knows that. I've made it clear to her on several occasions.

She needs to know and understand and because you lost trust the relationship will NEVER EVER be the same NEVER..

I haven't exactly touched this point with her yet, but I think she knows this. I know this in my heart, but what's going to be different now is that I'm not going to cater to her every need, and that I'm totally going to stand up for myself and what I believe in. And honestly, I think that was part of the issue before. I just caved every time she got upset, and I tried to diffuse the situation. I'm not doing that anymore, and I haven't been for the past week or two. I'm simply just not going to do that ever again, whether it's a relationship with her or not. I know what it is to be in control of what's going on now, and if we do get back together, which I'm not saying we are, I plan on keeping it that way. I still don't know if she is sincere or not, or just trying to play games still, but I don't mind trying to feel it out.