[jewelsparkle623]

:confused: My Mother has always been overbearing, and outspoken. Lately, she uses advancing age as an excuse to say ANYTHING. She recently e-mailed a popular TV newscaster concerning the woman's weight. Mom noticed the always trim, health conscience reporter gained a significant amount of weight in the last few months. She asked in the e-mail why the gain, said how noticeable it was on screen, and asked if she planned to diet the extra pounds off. Mom and Dad thought it was neat when the reporter responded in a general way thanking Mom for the concern, but with no answers to the questions.

I told Mother it is impolite to ask, remark about someone's weight. I said the reporter responded politely to the rude, intrusive e-mail, but is aware of her weight issues without being reminded and embarrassed. Mom & Dad disagree, saying the reporter appreciated the letter and needed to know. Those who view this as acceptable behavior are hopeless in understanding basic manners, in my opinion. Am I right?

[fredg]

Hi,
When you post a question, please don't use "bold" lettering. It makes it a little harder to read your post. Thank you, though, for posting a question here.
Manners are an individual choice... meaning some really don't think before they do anything, others don't care.
Your parents must not have much to do, if they are concerned about a persons' weight on TV. They really need to find some hobbies, or work, or something to focus on, rather than sending emails for things like this.
I agree with you that it's "really none of their business". Their reply about "needing to know" is only their opinion. It really doesn't mean the TV person really needed to know what your parents think!

[SSchultz0956]

I would have to agree with you. Your parents don't know what is going on in her life. For all they know she could be sick. Her thyroids could be screwed up and so she's gaining weight. Maybe she's going through a divorce, or maybe she's pregnant. There are so many what if's that frankly, it's none of your parents business, especially since they don't even know the lady.

[s_cianci]

I believe you are right. Your mother and father have no business whatsoever taking up an issue with this reporter's weight gain. They don't know this person from Eve, other than watching her on TV. They have the option of changing the channel if they take offense at viewing this person with her recent weight gain. The "polite" response that your mother received to her e-mail probably did not even come from the reporter herself but from a station manager or assistant. The reporter probably never even saw the e-mail as the station probably would not allow her to view such a personal correspondence from a stranger, especially in this day and age when our society is all too conscious of issues such as stalking and other dangerous intrusions into the personal lives of well-known individuals. Your parents need to come to the realization that getting personal with strangers is dangerous business and they'd be most wise to steer clear of it.

[Chery]

OK, I'm going to play 'devil's advocate' here. In case you've left something out and there are many more occasions such as this and not just in the privacy of their home, but in public too, put yourself in their shoes - they might be just plain curious and concerned.

1. In order for channels to stay on top of the rating lists, their employees must keep a certain image. And if your parents noticed this, other people probably did also, but did not bother to mention it. They are the type that would not even tell you if your make-up was smeared in public-but talk about you behind your back. If her weight gain is noticed and she has no idea of why and her employers don't either, then her job might be at risk and we all need our jobs.

2. I think you are a very caring person and feel for others. Where did you learn your concern for other people if not at home? You apparently have the trust of your parents to issue a contradiction without fear of reprisal, so you must feel otherwise comfortable with your parents. Keep up the good work, but don't be too critical or embarrassed about them as they seem to have taught you enough confidence in yourself which you can be pretty proud of and I'm sure they are proud of you as well. Nobody is perfect, as we all know.
Also, it is not always what we say or ask, but how..

It is very refreshing to find a young lady who is concerned of others and not always self-centered. Congrats to you.

[jewelsparkle623]

:rolleyes: It helps to know others are concerned and not everyone is like my family. Besides the too frequent rudeness to strangers, I have sufferered by their behavior as well. Through sheer determination, I've tried to overcome the hurt and emotional scars left being raised by parents who were sometimes physically (not sexual), and verbally abusive. I'm married and was functioning well with the help of my husband, short term therepy, self help books, etc.
But they've come back into my life after losing their home to Hurricane Katrina. Now it's like the past is reliving itself, and I'm being treated like the sad and depressed 13 year old I was, having to fend off hurtful, critical remarks, unnecessarily being hit on, daily. Not the hitting now, of course, but being reminded of it.
Example, I commented we were having baked chicken for dinner, how my husband would be cooking, does chicken better than me. Well, Mother jumped in, "Well, what exactly DO you do well?" My husband travels a lot and doesn't hear most of these sly, jealous remarks. Bought my Dad 3 crossword puzzle books to occupy his mind, he's an invalid. Mom commented, "You are crazy to waste money on that, $9.oo is too much to spend on your Father." Although the day before she bought $200.00 of clothes for herself at Walmart. Tries to take over when I'm washing clothes, doing dishes, I don't do it right.
Get the picture? But, I will have to overcome this horrible feeling of reliving those difficult years being raised by unstable parents,(Dad always defends Mom's behavior, which adds to the abuse), and find a solution. Don't want to throw them out. They had flood & homeowners insurance, but it may not be enough for a new home and is taking a long time to sort out.

I have two brothers, one lost everything in Katrina too, the other lives in Denver, CO and my Father's doctor says the thin air could kill him there. Dad's in last stages of emphysema. My brother in Denver has suffered emotional scars from our parents also, but would take them in if needed. I know he, his wife & kids wouldn't be thrilled about it.

Sorry for going on too long, but again thanks for words of encouragement. It will help in finding an answer to my problem. :o

[Chery]

I sure wish you would not have left all of this out in the last post. This makes a big difference in my opinion. Sorry you are the one stuck with parents who treated you badly all your life. My mother was the same, I could never do anything right, and I cared for her in the last two years of her COPD as well, paid all for her funeral and my brothers never paid me their share. I hope they find a place of their own soon and you will be relieved of this burden and having to remember the past. You are a strong person thanks to your husband's help and don't deserve to re-live those memories. All the best to you and yours, and please keep us posted and you will receive all the support we can furnish.

Please keep the self-confidence and strength you gained in the past years and don't let them take it from you again. You are a 'big girl' (woman) now and you should tell them so as they are now guests in your home, not the other way around.

Again, keep us posted. Sorry that you did not reveal all and hope you did not feel offended by me looking at the other side of the coin.

[DJ 'H']

My real dad is the very same. He is a singer and I have followed in his footsteps and sing well. Any other dad would be proud of their one and only daughter but not my dad. He always has to knock me down and make me feel like I am worthless and no good at singing - no good at anything. I have 4 older brothers which are all his kids they don't get treated like I do. My dad listens to them, commends them and has high praise for all. Me though he just always puts me down and critisises everything I do especially singing. Performing is my passion in life and is where my skills lie. I did a charity gig with him once. I had two songs to sing. I sang my first song - everyone stood up and applauded - the response was so amazing and I felt so good inside - my Dad kicked me off stage immediately and told me I was not allowed to sing my next song - there wasn't enough time. At one of his birthday parties he and his band were singing. The next thing I know a 15yr old starnger who I don't even know gets up and sings 5 songs and it was my dad that asked her to do it for him. He did not even ask me - I felt so wrotten, it was like he was saying I am a terrible singer. I was so hurt by this. There is a lot more to it than this - but the general gist is I have been subject to mental abuse from him my whole life. He has never there for me etc hence why I don't have a relationship with my dad. I cannot be in a room with him these days longer than 40mins before he has upset me.

I tried talking to him once; I just broke down in tears and everything came pooring out. But he just sat there and said "I have never done that - you are dilusional - you need professional help" - I have had professional help (given I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression at 17yrs). I have worked through all the issues that have built up over the years previous and the focal point of all my problems is my dad. I told him all of this and he just turned a blind eye. I have just got to the point where I have cut him out of my life because my step-dad has earned the right to be my dad and he is the one I turn to, the one who is there for me always and the one who is proud of me.

But it does not stop it hurting and seeing my real dad (which I do because my older bother who I live with still sees him) and it brings it all back every time and makes me so angry.

It makes me even angrier when he starts trying to tell me what to do and medelling in my life. It's non of his business and his input a damn cheek.

That poor TV newcaster - god only knows what went through her head and how it made her feel. It's one thing to say - your "make-up has smudged" people are thankful for that - but to come out and say "You've gained weight" people are hurt by it - that's why people become so self-conscience and start to lose their confidence.

That's why I lost my confidence as a performer - because of comments like that. It's only beacause I am a strong person and have such good friends and some supportive family members that I came through the other side. I don't listen to anyone with comments like that anymore. They obviously don't have anything better to do with their time; I am just gald I do.