[sergioh]

I'm 17, and when I was 15 I started going out with this girl, who became my first love, and led me on a relationship that lasted a year and a half. Two months ago, we broke up because she's Seventh-Day Adventist, and I'm Catholic. For those of you who don't know, Seventh-Day Adventists are very critical of the Catholic church.

Anyway, she suddenly decided that she wanted to get married to an Adventist guy, and raise Adventist children in an Adventist home, so she automatically determined that our relationship was not going to work out.

I'm obviously very torn up about this... It would have been a different story if she had met another guy, or if we had gotten into a huge fight, but she's 16, and she's already thinking about marriage, and starting a family.

I'm a very sensitive person, and every time she and I talk now, I bring up the fact that she dumped me for what I believe is a "stupid reason" and it gets to the point where she starts crying, and wants me to leave her alone. This is really tough for me because we used to be able to talk about anything, and we were so happy together, and now she can barely stand being near me.

However, I also think she's messing with my head, because she still tells me when I look "hot" at school, and she's always telling me that she misses me, and still wants to be with me but "can't" because it wouldn't "work out."

I know I'm supposed to be getting over her, but the truth is I don't WANT to get over her. I love her, and I want to continue being with her, and the way she acts like she still wants to be with me makes me think that there's a chance we will get back together, even though she says that's not possible.

Anyway, I don't know what to do...

[Chery]

Dear, I'm sorry you are going through this, but the battle of religions has always gone on, and maybe she did not come up with this idea all by herself, that's why she still misses you. She could be under pressure by her parents or religious group and in that case, there is nothing you can do about it as she is under their guardianship and feels she must obey them. When I was growing up, the law was 21 to be an adult, and since I was only 20 and wanted to marry a Jewish doctor, my mother refused to sign the papers and we, although across oceans now, are still friends. But life goes on as it must. It will hurt, but it will also heal. Unless you two choose to 'run away' and get married there is nothing you can do. And since you have a sensible head on your shoulder you know that this is too early to committ to a family. Keep the fond memories, as I'm sure she is also doing the same. At least you two were allowed to have that. I wish you all the best, cheer up even though it's hard, and keep us posted.

We will be here any time you need someone to talk to.

[fredg]

Hi,
I am so sorry to hear about this. But, your girlfriend probably made a good choice!
Religion plays a very, very big part in marriages. Catholics usually marry within their own church, as marriage is a big part of their families. Use to, a Catholic had to make a vow that children would be also raised in the Catholic church, don't know if that is still true. The parents also have to sign a document, givinig their permission. This happened just last month with a neighbor.
Anyone who considers getting married before they are at least 24 yrs old, in my opinion of course, is making a mistake! Over half the marriages in America now end in divorce.
I think you would be "torn up" about this, even if it wasn't related to religion, because you love her...
Getting over someone is hard, but you can do... in time. Get out, meet new people, talk with others, and before you know it, you will find someone who likes you as you are, respects you, and you, she.
At 63 yrs old, married 28 yrs, you might say I've been there, done that.. at some point many yrs. Ago.
You will meet a new girl, and she can help you get over all this. I do wish you the best.

[s_cianci]

Religious issues are a frequent barrier in relationships. Most people who strictly adhere to one particular faith are uncomfortable with seriously dating anyone who doesn't share their faith, either because of their own convictions or due to pressure from family and church officials. I certainly know this to be true of most Catholics that I've known. I can't specifically vouch for the Seventh-day Adventists because I've never personally known a Seventh-day Adventist and have never learned much about their beliefs. It's certainly true of Jews, Mormons, Buddhists and even my own denomination (I belong to a reformed Protestant denomination.) My adivce is to refrain from dating anyone who is a practicing member of a particular faith that's not your own. Stick with people from your own denomination or with people with no particular religious convictions. However, even in the latter case, still be prepared for sparks to fly if you come into conflict about a particular issue where your faith compels you to adopt one particular point of view while your agnostic significant other adopts a different opinion, for example where abortion is concerned. Dating someone who's agnostic may be just as bad as dating someone whose faith is decidedly different from yours. This is often a very touchy situation and you need to tread very carefully.

[Shenjo]

I'll admit I don't know much about religion but I can tell you that at the age of 16 she proboly doesn't know what she wants excaly. I'm 21 and age the age of 16 I was a very different person and wanted very different things. Right now My ex is avoidng me at all costs and saying she dumped me because there was no click, though there was a click she claims there wasn't(friends all say there was too, long story PM me if you want it). But I'd suggest you look at as learning experience and move on with your life, or get some alone time and realize what's going on and maybe if you wait around she'll come to you who knows. Personally I'd move on and Continue on with your life.