[SyncmasterK]

My Girlfriend dumped me about 2 months ago after about 4 months of being together. Her reasons for dumping me at the time were because she "didn't love me and led herself to thinking she did" she also said "She never once cared about me". I spent a good month without talking to her and just giving her space because it was a messy breakup and I didn't want she and I to lose any possibility of a friendship.

I am a year older than she is and I am in my first year at university, she is now a senior in high school. After one of my first classes I realized I needed another set of transcripts so I had to go back to the Old high school and arrange to get them. While I was there, we saw each other, but I was still bitter and didn't want to talk to her or bother her just in case she didn't want to talk either. Later that day, she called me up and said she didn't want me to hate her forever and she wanted to be friends. I was really hesititant because she hurt be badly and I can't deny the fact I really do love her after all we went through together.

So I arranged a meeting to talk things out and try and reach a better understanding of why it ended and where we are at. I wanted to make the best of this situation If she really wanted to be friends.

After talking to her it was really productive. We both agreed that the main reason it ended was because our lives were both just too different to work together. She is a very goal oriented person and has her future down to a science. She know's exactly where she is going and what she is doing and I really admired that when I met her it was one of the things that attracted me to her. I on the other hand, at least when we met and when we were dating, was the exact opposite I didn't have any idea what I was doing or what I was going to do with my life. I was really confident about the person I was, just not where I was going in life.

This really caused a division between us and from a simply logical point of view the relationship had to end. She couldn't follow a dreamer like me, at the risk of her dreams and her goals. I couldn't see that at the time and during the breakup we just sort of picked sides and defended them. She defended the side of reason and I defended the equally important emotional side. Either of us were totally right, but we weren't wrong.

We are really good friends right now, and the situation has completely changed as far as our lives. I have gained a lot of confidence and I am finally confident with my life and my future because I decided to enroll at University. I made that commitment and it's paying off in a big way.

But after talking to her it raised few a major questions (in no particular order):

1. If we have agreed that the only reason it ended was because of the state of our lives, why couldn't it work now?

I now finally feel I am on an even playing field I want more out of life and even the direction we are headed is much more similar now. She will be attending the same University next year and taking similar courses. I can now say that we can have a possible future together, without compromise.

2. If she "never cared about me in the first place" why would she make the effort to be my friend?

This is where I really am confused. She has admitted in the past she can't always be vocal about her feelings and that she isn't always sure about herself. I, on the other hand, where my heart on my sleeve and have no problem being up front with my feelings. I don't want to push her at all and I don't want to scare her away. But I really don't think she "never cared about me".

I think that she really had strong feelings for me that were too hard to deal with and scared her. And when it became even clearer that the relationship couldn't work under those circumstances, she denied ever having these feelings in the first place. How can I feel so confident about this? It starts to show in the way she talks to me... She always seems to be fighting with herself when she's around me and holding back. I look her in the eye, and say something sincere... and she looks away just as fast. I tell her a joke and make her laugh and she stops herself halfway through.

I can no longer doubt I love her, and I mean this in the sense that I define at least the basic idea of love being a commitment to someone's well being and a desire to see them reach their goals... I also don't need her to return that love in order for me to feel the way I do... It's truly unconditional. I am through pretending. I don't want my feelings for her to mess up this nice friendship that I do find satisfying on some levels. But I can't help but wonder if I should try and explore the possibility of some sort of really nice emotional connection with her. So she can be more confident with her feelings and possibly have a strong relationship with me eventually.

I don't want to push her... and talking about her feelings means taking her out of her comfort zone. I really feel she'll benefit from this and some real personal growth... but do I potentially risk it all... to see if there is a chance for real love? I am not sure just how deep the connection she and I have is and I want to know if I am just wasting my time by exploring the emotional side of things.

[SyncmasterK]

And just as a side note I have tried everything to get over her. I have gone on several dates since but no one seems to compare to her :S

[shenda]

Sometimes we can peek into the looking glass beheld by another and know exactly the way they should go; however, it requires the beholder to assign such an assessment to reap the rewards of that labor. Yes, it would help if she steps outside of her comfort zone, this may ease your anxiety; however, it may taint the end she has in mind. It is important to understand that she needs this buffer to keep her focused on the goal she has set for herself; therefore, it will be to your benefit to allow things to evolve in its natural course. Both of you have an end to attain, one that will extend itself to fortify the most excellent way of life imagined in your mind and heart.

If you need her to remove her buffer, in order to find ease in the relationship, you may find that you are requiring a bit much from her, she is young and so are you.

Relax, and enjoy the journey, attain your aspiration and if at all possible, be unto another inspiration. She knows her boundaries... respect them.

In the meantime, identify the relationship... give it a name. If the two of you are mere friends, learn from one another, as you already have... embrace the friendship and allow the energy of life, the laws of attraction to unfold as you discover the art of communication, and the foundation needed to endure commitment.