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kelfit · Oct 4, 2007, 10:41 AM

I have been with my fiancé for 2 1/2 years, we are due to get married next September. Although we have a great relationship together for the most part there is one issue that really bugs me... he still goes out to strip clubs with the boys even though I have told him that I find it disrespectful and that it makes me uncomfortable. Does anyone else share the sme opinion? I can't stand the idea of some skanky stripper touching and dancing for my man and I don't understand the need for him to go there if he has his future wife at home. I've tried talking to him about it but he doesn't seem to understand my point of view. What should I do??

nauticalstar420 · Oct 4, 2007, 10:45 AM

When you talk to him about it, how does he respond? What is his reasoning for still going even though you shared your feelings with him about this?

I personally don't find anything wrong with my husband going to a strip club unless there is a reason, which the only one would be he's at a friends bachelor party. I don't think it is right to just go casually and waste a bunch of money putting dollar bills into girls thongs, but, that's just me. I don't care if he looks at naked women, but he can do it at home as far as I'm concerned.

kelfit · Oct 4, 2007, 10:47 AM

He just gets defensive about it when I try to talk to him, I think that because he sees nothing wrong with it I'm supposed to be OK with that but the fact is I'm not. I just don't see any reason for him to go and blow money at a strip club when he has his girl at home

nauticalstar420 · Oct 4, 2007, 10:50 AM

You said he goes with "the boys", are you sure its even his idea to go, and not theirs? He could just see it as spending time with his friends, and if they pick to go somewhere, he tags along.

GlindaofOz · Oct 4, 2007, 10:56 AM

Its about visual stimulation. That's all it is about. He sees you naked all the time (presumably) and guys just like to see a naked lady every now and again. Trust me the stripper has ZERO designs on your fiancé the only thing she wants from him is his money. It's the same thing as porn. Most women don't get porn and we think male strippers are ridiculous we are just wired differently.

With that being said I think your fiancé should be respectful of how you feel.

As an aside have you ever gone to a strip club? Maybe you would feel more comfortable if you saw how one operated. I majored in sociology (concentration in sexual deviance) in college and one of the things I studied intensely is pornography and the likes because it is so fascinating how the sexes view it. I've met many strippers and can honestly 100% tell you that these girls are not skanks most are exhibitionist or are looking to make super fast cash - some of the girls I knew cleared $1 million easy a year.

statictable · Oct 4, 2007, 02:10 PM

Absolutely not in any way, shape or form is this child ready for marriage. I mean you can't be serious. Reverse it and he'd run from you as though you had the Black Plague. Reverse it and he'd have so many questions he'd have to wear an adult diaper so not to be interrupted. Reverse it and imagine telling him you enjoy thinking of him nude and that you simply build on that enjoyment when you see other men twirling a speedo with their index finger. Time to use your head as I'm sure he's taking care of his.

Sdjosh · Oct 4, 2007, 02:31 PM

Statictable... I don't think it would be a mature decision just to drop a relationship when you hit a snag.

How often does he go? What are the circumstances? If he is going out with the guys then its just that. It hasn't anything to do with you... just bonding with the guys.

michealb · Oct 4, 2007, 02:55 PM

Did he do this before he started going out with you or is this a new habit?
Do you ever go out with your friends and is it to a bar or some other place that men and women tend to get together?

I would think most women would rather have their men go to a strip club than a bar. At a stirp club when the woman shows a guy attention he enjoys it but knows that it isn't real and will stop when he runs out of money. If he was in a bar and a woman shows him attention its probably real and can go farther.

babydollof4kids · Oct 4, 2007, 03:03 PM

My ex husband used to that when we first were married. It never stopped. It got worse after we got married because I did put up with it for so long and he knew how I felt about it. I hated it!

Homegirl 50 · Oct 4, 2007, 03:10 PM

Personally I think if you are getting ready to marry a guy that continues to do things that you feel strongly against, the situation will only get worse.
He obviously sees nothing wrong with it, she does but he doesn't care and he doesn't care enough to stop. Marriage is going to have enough to deal with without going into it with such opposing views on something. I'mean what is she going to do if he decides to bring porn into the home knowing how she feels about it?
Leave the guy. Not because I'm saying he's bad, but because you two feel differently about something that is obviously important to both of you. You two may not be right for one another. He'll find someone who has no problem with strip clubs and she will find one who has no desire to go to any.
You don't go into a marriage with a problem already in the works. It's like being on the same page about things; children religion, porn in the home, these are things that need to be discussed and agreed on before marriage. You don't take those into a marriage, knowing you're not on the same page and hope things work out.

talaniman · Oct 4, 2007, 09:36 PM

90% of the guys that go to GENTLEMEN's clubs, can't afford anything, but a couple of beers.