[wishful_thinker]

I'm a 22 year old bisexual guy, in the closet and was having casual meets with another bisexual guy. Each time he came over, I was developing really strong feelings for him and I got so attached. He knew that I liked him, and I'm pretty sure he liked me as well.

After a month, he stopped coming over. I never heard from him for a week and my heart just started to ache. So I caught him online after that and he explained to me why he hasn't been online. He said that he didn't want to meet guys anymore because he wanted to get married someday. Although he said all that, he wanted to meet me again and he came over that night. The night ended awkwardly and his face just looked really troubled. I tried finding out what just happened by sending him text messages on his mobile but he did not reply. After 3 days, I saw that I've been deleted off his MSN list and I literally cried because I thought it was something I did. I sent him a text saying that I was hurt and I cried over him, and he went online.

Now this was the part my heart started to ache really badly. He started saying that he hated himself and the guilt and shame came rushing, lying to friends and family - not knowing what he really gets up to. He didn't want the same thing as I did, and I wasn't even sure what I wanted in the first place. He said he wanted to be pure and live life without any pressure, so basically, he now wants to think straight and forget these feelings for guys. He wished he didn't have to lose contact with me as we both clicked, but it just got harder and harder for him. He needed that closure. We said goodbye to each other and what really got to me was when he said "have a nice life. you never know we could cross paths again one day somewhere." I guess that really didn't mean anything.

I was so crazy for him and I cried for 4 days. I know that we've only known each other for a short while, but it really does hurt when you have to lose someone like this that you've come to know and looked forward to seeing. I miss him so much. But since it's an end of a chapter, all I can do now is move on.

Do you think he'll come back online looking for guys? He mentioned he was bad with self-control.
If he was TRYING to be pure, wouldn't he feel unsatisfied at one point and he'll be longing for something else?

Do you think that it's his mind that's telling him to be straight? And not his heart? Or do you think he's finding himself? Help me please.

[Smiley5]

Maybe he is trying to find himself or he is very uncomfortable with his attraction to men. I think hoping that he will come back and want to be with you again may be setting yourself up for being hurt. If he DOES come back online looking, I'm not so sure you should take the bait. Good luck.