[zarri]

I moved 5 hours away from home, while my girlfriend went to collage. Everything was perfect and fine, and then she hit midterms. The stress gets to her, and we ended up taking a break, but soon after picking up a friend from her own relationship problems, we got right back together. Midterms came again, and I thought it would be just like last time, if she needs her space during a stressful period, I would give it to her. But she was so convinced that this time could not be like last time that she built this wall up, and I saw it right away. I warned her of exactly what was going to happen, and I ended up moving back home. We talked while I was home and she was finishing up the year, and she kept telling me that we would work it out this summer, that she missed me, that she loved me. Then when she got home, she told me that she met someone else. Needless to say, I got mad, said some REALLY stupid things, but we still talked, well she did, I yelled (I know that was stupid, but it always seemed like one thing after another, nothing leading to what she said was going to happen) The end of summer came, I was then holding on for 4 months, because she told me that she still loved me and NEEDED to be my friend. I can remember her telling me that even if I didn't want it, she was going to give me her new phone number. But in her language, that meant that she was never going to pick up when I called for another 2 months. Needless to say, I was mad again, and confused, and said some more stupid stuff. Then when she finally does call me, she says that she feels like she can't have me in her life, that she didn't have a choice because I bring her down. All this time I was telling her things like if I moved to this new city, and she went back to hers, we wouldn't run into each other in the grocery store, or on the street, and the possibilities were dead. She said she didn't believe that when we were both home, but everything I called was right, and it all happened. I did everything for this girl, and if she needed her time, that's fine, all I EVER wanted from her was for her to show that she cared, but she built this wall when she decided that this time couldn't be like the last time. I have text and emails from her just DAYS before begging to come spend the night at my house, and that I better be ready because she is coming over. She was litteraly jumping up and down when I walked into a party, but in like a day she decided that I was out. I feel like she forced herself to beleve it, and think it, until it eventually came true. I guess what I'm asking is, I know I have made stupid mistakes. But she had a guy who would NEVER have cheated on her, always supported her, always been there for her, would have done anything for her, and wanted to learn from his mistakes, not to mention being kicked in the face as many times as I have by her (mentally) and still sticking around. I cut off communication just a few days ago, when she didn't give me her number, I changed my email and msn so there was no chance I could be her safety net. I guess what I'm asking is do you think in the end she will regret it. I mean she didn't just shrug me off, she doesn't talk to ANY of her friends anymore, and that was just as sudden as everything else. I am afread that if and when I find a way to move on, and find someone else, and start getting happy again, she is going to pop back into my life. I guess what I'm asking is if anyone thinks she is going to regret doing all of this, and throwing it all away for nothing like she did. She said she needed time by herself, which would have been fine, but she jumped straight to another guy, and she is the type of person that needs to attach herself to people. At least when she was with me she had someone who would never manipulate her, and tried to make her a more secure person. So you guys think she is going to regret doing this, even though I said some stupid stuff. I need an opinion, I'm going crazy.

I know that I have to move on, and its hard. It would have been hard enough if it had been a break up, but I think I could have dealt with it. But she kept leading me on and playing these games for so long, that its hard to give myself permission to let it go. I know that's something I have to do and nothing anyone ever says is going to tell me how to do it, that's my battle. Do you think I was just a safety net, and still am? A way that since she doesn't talk to me, if life doesn't pan out the way she planned (it never does for any of us) she can't say she NEVER said no for good? Or did I mess something up along the way saying REALLY stupid stuff. I mean she blames me for the things I said, but she never seems to refer to the whole leading me on or playing games. I got pushed and I feel like I was just pushing back, but she doesn't notice that she was pushing in the first place. Am I the bad guy here, did I mess up somewhere? I look forward to some opinions and responses, I could use the help.

P.S. I know, I keep adding on, sorry for how long it is. I know that relationships arnt perfect, and I know that they take constant work to maintain. But the FIRST step, the deciding step is communication, which is something she just won't do, and hasn't since she decided to do this. I know that someone will say that “if she does regret it or ever does, what does it matter, you can't wait for her and it wouldn't make you feel any better knowing she does” To tell you the truth it would, I don't mean to sound cold, but I'm sick of being the one treated like crap after I did SO much for her. All I ever wanted to do was talk, be friends and stay in her life because I care about her, and she said she wanted that. But now look at how things played out, so I'm just confused I guess. It would be nice to know that someone can't just turn around and forget EVERYTHING and take everything I did and what we had for granted, and just walk away. Someone hook me up with some help, or advice. Will or do you think she already regrets it, and will try and come back someday? Even though hopefully I'm moved on by then and just tell her to piss off (I would love to be able to feel that way)

[ConfusedandLost]

Ok... the first thing your going to need to do is go "no contact" from here on out and DO NOT break that for any reason at all. You need to give the space and time that she needs on her own and most of all you need this time to yourself to heal and learn. You WILL go through a mixed bag of emotions and will want to contact her for some reason, it is natural and you have fight every urge and to not do it. Go out with friends, have fun, take on new activities... do anything to lose the thought of her. Do not speak about her or your situation with friends, don't let your mind race with thoughts of what she doing or how she is feeling... it will fill you with doubt and false hope. If she tries to make contact... take your time to respond, be nice about it and keep it short. You need to accept that this is OVER and you need to heal and move on to a healthy relationship. Lose the false hope of trying to get her back... yes you do love her and will possibly always will. However you need to let time dictate what will happen with the two of you. Patience... patience...

Now as for her... yes she is feeling bad about this whole situation in some way. She does know how you feel about her... don't try and tell her a zillion times... she already knows. No she did not forget everything... you just became too comfortable for her, in a way she was taking you for granted. Her mind is a mess right now... she is lost. In time she will possibly try and get back in your life in some form... they always do. The big question is are you willing to let her when that day comes? Can you handle being just friends? We all have a conscience and it will hit her... as for when? It is all different for us... let this one go...

[crushedovernover]

Great advice confusedalot. He is right. One day she will regret it, and one day she will be back, but you need to make the decision if you are willing to go threw this emotional roller coaster she puts you threw, I have had no contact going on 2 months and I know that once I finally get the feeling of moving on that is when they or she will come back becuasethey feel you don't care any more. I don't know about your ex but take time to think about it, my ex is so stupid she got into a LDR a wek after we split, she is so insecure that she needs a man to define who she is. Dude chin up look forward and be proud might sound silly but do it. They always come back, just don't take them back so easliy if at all this time.

[Cher13]

I think she's just playing head games with you be cause she want to insure you'll always be there (keep one foot in the door) I think she of course still cares for you and will regret it at some point in her life but right now she doesn't know what she wants and she just stringing you alone, witch is not fair to you, I would say try your hardest to move on you deserve better.

[zarri]

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks to you guys for answering my question. I have had a lot of views, but you guys are the only ones who gave me some advise. I do hope she comes back someday, but I also (hope it doesn't sound cold) hope I'm over her and she is the one who has to live with out something. Thanks for your time guys, means a lot.

[MissingHim2Much]

Hey, i just wanted to say thanks to you guys for answering my question. I have had a lot of views, but you guys are the only ones who gave me some advise. I do hope she comes back someday, but i also (hope it doesnt sound cold) hope im over her and she is the one who has to live with out somthing. Thanx for your time guys, means a lot.

I don't think it sounds cold, I think we all hope that the ones that dumped us regret it and want to come back. And you're right, the best revenge is being happy and healthy and moved on when they do come back.

[zarri]

All right, I haven't talked to her in a few weeks now, but something is really kind of bugging me. If you read my original story above, I talked about how she was either trying to cut out her past, or somehow just doesn't care about or anyone in it. This is what's bugging me. We had a friend die, 19 years old, and his funeral was the other day. No one seems to have seen her there, I just don't know what to think. Im shore she knows about it, and I'm shore that she is telling herself that she wasn't THAT good of a friend with it, she couldn't find a ride (she lives five hours away) or she couldn't get out of class or work. The thing is, the ride makes no sense, because three of her other friends live in that same city, and they were all there, and I don't see how school or work eather wouldn't understand or could be more important than coming home for a funeral. I mean she laughed at his jokes, she felt bad for him when a girl did basically the same thing she did to me, she hung out at his house. She can't be thinking that she wasn't that good of friends with him, it makes no sense and I'm really really worried about her. Ok, so mabey she has her new boyfriend, new life, whatever. Its not even about US anymore, I'm worried for her. I mean she has a history of talking about suicide and cutting herself already, and this whole kick that she is on strarted by the thought that she had to grow up. So she is holding a job now, so she is doing her school, she has a new boyfriend and a new life. That's fine, but HOW in the world can you not show up for the funeral of a friend? I mean if and when she graduates from school, her friends will also graduate, and they will all go there own ways, and I really feel she will be left alone. Or, she is in school to be a shrink, (with the things she has told herself and thought and acted I don't think she has any business telling others what they are thinking when she obviously doesn't know what's going on in her own head) I guess what I'm getting at. It looks really likey that her world will eventually be pulled out from under her, and everything will be gone. But she is closing if not already closed the door behind ALL of her friends from before, so she won't have anyone to turn too. I don't know, I'm still just really confused, someone please give me an opinion or some advise.

I guess what I'm really getting at, is I love her, and if its over between us that really sucks and hurts, but so be it. I just don't want her world coming to an end, her not having ANYONE to turn to because of the crap she is pulling and how she is treating not just me, but all of her friends. I don't want the next phone call I get to say its her, and she did her self in. Someone hook me up with some help or advise. Should I sent an email to her dad or something, should I let it go? I mean after finding out the stuff she did to me I freaked out on her a few times, but who wouldn't. But did I do it to hard, am I to blame if she DOES do something. Is all of this in my head, and her missing the funeral isn't a big deal? I don't know, someone help.

[Chery]

DO NOT, by any means, blame yourself for her actions.
We all have a choice of reactions to any actions in our life and no other person can implant these choices.
People mourn in their own ways for the losses in their lives, and her's may not include going to a funeral. Even if she is dealing with this inappropriately (in your opinion) she is the one who will have to deal with it in the long-run.

Again, you are not responsible for her, no matter what you feel or think. Please try to regain your own strength and set your priorities for yourself. We have no control over other individuals, so it's best not to dwell on it.

Time heals when given the opportunity.

[talaniman]

To spend so much time trying to know what goes on in her head, is a waste of time, and shows your confusion. Let it go, and give yourself permission to move on with your life, and accept she will do whatever she pleases. The focus should be on you, and your feelings, not hers.