[millie335]

Well , don't laugh but I've not had a date in about 8 years!
I'm 35 , live alone.

I've never been in love & never had a long term boyfriend.

I'm not ugly , I'm a confident and outgoing person, I have loads of friends.

I just can't seem to attract anyone... & when I do I just run off... scared

What can I do to build my confidence to date men again... people say I should love myself before anyone can love me... but I do love myself!

I'm not sure why I'm afriad...

[s_cianci]

Well, you seem to have identified all of the problems. More importantly, you need to ask yourself "why?" and come up with answers to that, as well. You say that you haven't had a date "in about 8 years." What happened in your life up to the 8 years ago that you speak of, when you had your last date? One might suspect that you experienced some sort of trauma with a man that you'd dated and it's created some emotional blocks. Is that the case? If so, then you may need professional counseling to overcome this obstacle. Are you just afraid of being hurt? Have you been disappointed in the past? If so, then that just might be a case of needing to adjust your expectations a little bit and making them more realistic. You say that you have "loads of friends." Maybe you should try talking to a couple of them. They should know you pretty well and could probably give you some reliable insight as to why you've been experiencing this prolonged "slump." Either way, you've already answerd a lot of your own questions, so I'm sure that you'll eventually resolve this issue.

[shenda]

Sometimes it is easy to select an obvious trendy reason to excuse our behavior; however, in such a selection we find that the obstacle still prevails because we have not identified the source of our perplexion. You are a focused and driven person who has given herself to what matters most; you will not allow anything to hinder or impede your designated progress; however, now that you have attained a comfortability in that which mattered most to you, you are now ready to entertain the idea of keeping company with a man... you are considering the benefits of being paired up; however, not quite sure it is worth the effort. You want this, so do not deny yourself... it is perfectly normal to desire the company of a man, the strength and secure-like feeling his strongs arms can provide. You are a powerful woman in your own right, you know what you want and you are not afraid to seek after it; however, you have not fully, in earnest made up your mind that you will allow yourself to be loved. You have observed several relations, and from the outside looking in, you have mentally noted what to do and what not to do, above all, you have narrowed in your hearts mind what you uniquely and truly desire of that special someone. You are simple in expectations, the little things matter most, you are not high-maintenanced yet you appreciate quality and value... do not close yourself by entertaining conjured reasons for your delay in love... you had a goal to obtain... a position in life held now that would not have happened so if you were connected to a love interest. You would have had more mental battles and strains than need be... you can't possibly be at two places at one time; you would have eaten the bread of sorrow... needing to choose between him or you. Count your blessings that this was not your portion, and now that your foundation is laid, check the solidness of it all for your own peace of mind sake... now release yourself to be loved... once you have decided that you are willing to entertain a suitor who desires to bid you a call, he will make his presence known; however, be not anxious and enjoy the moment. Let him shower you with affection and admiration, rec'v it, and stop hindering the shining through flow of this face of your life... in other words... you are uniquely different from most women that your suitors are accustomed too, they comment as such and this makes you feel a little uncomfortable because you have not been sure how to read into what they have said, they notice the difference and they are not quite sure if you are real, don't change who you are, nor apologize for it. Your love interest will either embrace you out of curiousity or genuine attraction, in any event do not shy from it but maximze the purpose for each encounter... allow yourself to be enlightened by the experiences... learn to see yourself from his eyes, learn to embrace what each come to reveal about you to you... you know that sometimes hidden treasures of our heart will only manifest is certain atmospheres... this is a new beginning... your preparation to move your feet (set in motion) where your heart already lives. Remember, if you keep the proper perspective, these forthcoming gentlemen will prove essential unto your ultimate quest. Follow your heart's core, do not manipulate the experience... let it flow, rec'v that which is needed and move on. Time is a precious commodity, something you already know, so do not waste these experiences... you understand what I mean. You are goal-oriented and purpose-driven... and above all, people occupy specifications warranted. Enjoy this preparation season, do not settle during this time; be open and completely naked... do not hide behind defensive walls and mask... be you... enjoy being you... then you shall have life that awaits.

[santee]

Well as far as I'm concerned I think the problem could have been caused by your perevious boyfriend,the one before those 8yrs.
Just try to forget about him and move on,remember a relationship its what you make it.

[fredg]

Hi,
You can do it... just one day at a time.
Please talk with one of your friends, one who you like the most. Tell him/her what you have written here.
Talking with someone, face to face, is soooooo much better than "talking" through a computer.
Your self-confidence will come back, and you will be much more at ease. There is someone out there who wants to take you out to dinner, or whatever. But, please talk with a friend about this. Just getting it out in the open is your first step.
Best of luck,
fredg