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Lyn12 · Oct 4, 2005, 06:56 AM

My husband is divorced and has one child from this previous marriage (who's a teenager now) and his 'ex' (who is married to a wealthy man) keeps on trying to blackmail us, demanding a large amount of money that we don't have in order to leave us alone. Since she didn't get what she wants she is coming up with this false reasons for restraining orders and going to court and filing all kind of paperwork against us(she does all that also because she is not spending a dime and we are not rich but we are spending most of our money with attorney fees). We live in oposites parts of the country and still there is no end to it! PLEASE if somebody can give me some advice in what to do... My husband is never late with his child support payments, but still she is not happy. She is determined to ruin us. Can she be stopped?

shenda · Oct 4, 2005, 04:20 PM

Blackmail is a strong, harsh word indicating an untimely publication of some situation or circumstance or otherwise truthful condition that has been previously overlooked or unknown... so if there is any validity to the use of the word blackmail... if at all possible come clean therefore, she can not use this as leverage; however, if it is not "blackmail" and the ex-wife displays a steadfast, relentless pursuit of obtaining more revenue, hear her demands. I mean, is your husband paying a fair amount of support for a teen-aged child... expenses increase as a child ages, what was once sufficient may not be enough. Have you considered such? If so, and the proper adjustment has been set in order, it may be time for a meeting of the minds... to the least to arrange mediation to see what will it take to appease the ex-wife... if it is within reason and this will indeed please her to restore peace to your home, it would not hurt to consider a legal mediation. If this does not render itself and effective mean of communication, I see no choice, but to have in place order of protection, restraining orders of your own, that of your husband's own. It is sad to think that divorce for some reduces human life, human value to mere dollar and cents.

Lyn12 · Oct 4, 2005, 04:32 PM

The amount he pays is enough according to the court system but not according to her...
So you are telling me to whatever she wants? We have kids too and I don't think that her kid has more needs them mine do.

fredg · Oct 5, 2005, 05:51 AM

Hi,
This is merely, plain and simple, an exercise in Vindictiveness; for lack of a better word. Your husband's Ex is just being a horses' xxx, and is doing it for spite. I went through the same thing with my wife's Ex, 28 yrs ago. He did everything he could, filed court orders, filed for custody of her daughter (which he didn't win), and anything else just out of "spite".
No, don't just "accept" this on-going battle from her. See a lawyer, talk with him/her, and get some professional advise as to what you can do to stop it.
When you say you live on the other side of the country, do you mean; for example; you live in FL and she lives in CA?
If so, again, ask your lawyer. My own advice, realizing that opinions vary on this, is to do nothing. If a court in another state wants to have a hearing, you really don't have to be there.
But, again, ask your lawyer about restraining orders, etc, and ask if there is a motion you can file that will limit this "spitefullness" from her ever being allowed in court.
Best of luck,
fredg

s_cianci · Oct 9, 2005, 03:24 PM

Restraining orders generally aren't worth the paper they're written on, especially in this case when your husband most likely doesn't want any contact with his ex anyhow. Now, is she successfully obtaining restraining orders keeping your husband from seeing his child? She really shouldn't be able to do this unless she can prove that for the teenager in question to have any contact with your husband would be detrimental to his/her welfare. As far as the blackmailing and harassment, you may need to "fight fire with fire" and obtain a restraining order against her to prevent her from contacting you by telephone, mail, in person or any other medium. Is there a visitation order regarding you husband and his child? If so, get it amended so that it remains intact despite any restraining orders that exist between your husband and his ex. If there isn't one, have one put in place by Family Court that will protect your husband's paternal rights. As a teenager, your husband's son/daughter can travel by air unescorted, so visitation can occur despite any conditions of no contact between your husband and his ex that would be imposed by the restraining orders.

Lyn12 · Oct 10, 2005, 01:59 PM

My husband doesn't visit his kid because she (the ex) desapeared for a long time and when she showed up the kid hates my husband so much that they don't see each other. I tried to help by talking to the teenager but it was no use. She made up so many lies about my husband that I don't see any hope of the kid even looking at his own father. Very very sad.