[Sweetpea90]

:confused: Hi. Where do I begin :( I live on the west coast... the guy I have been seeing for about 6 months now lives on the east coast. (3000 miles away) he and I get along GREAT.. we have a great time together and really liked each other A lot. We talked every single day with text and phone calls.. never missed a day for the 6 months. But we started fighting more because it was hard to see each other because of conflicting scedules... then it got worse... he and I got more distant... less calls... less talk. So last week I asked him... what happening? He said it just work out because we live too far :( I really was hurt... I was willing to see him every month ( ill do the travels) but that was not what he wants . " I DONT WANT A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP" is what he said. But yet... he spent 6 months talking to me everyday... telling me how much he likes me and what a great girlfriend I could be. Now... its all gone. He don't call me anymore... we don't text anymore... ( unless I text him 1st) and... well... I am just confused. I AM WILLING TO MAKE IT WORK.. but he don't see it as easy. My question is... am I wrong for thinking it can work? Am I being UNREALISTIC? Can/ could long distance work? I think I can because I am willing to do anything for him. But he is on a different page and thinks LD is just weird and won't work. So now he knows how much I am hurting... he said maybe its best we don't hangout until I am completely over him because he don't want to "hurt" me more. :::sigh::: What sucks it I KNOW IF WE LIVED CLOSE IT WILL WORK OUT FINE. But He makes this such an issue. Can anyone please give me some adivce? Im so sad and think of him everyday... and it seems he is already over me.

[pinkchick_888]

hi I am so sorry that u are going through this, I hope u don't mind me asking but I was wondering how old u are? Cause then I could better help u out I think maybe maybe not =)

[Sweetpea90]

I don't mind.. I am 28 he is 26 :(

[andrewyha]

I was just in a long distance relationship and had to end it because it wasn't going to work. It was just building up emotions that could never be satisfied:(

[GlindaofOz]

I was in the same situation. I live on the East coast and my guy lived on the west coast. After a few months we both mutually decided that it wasn't satisfying for us to be in this kind of a relationship. We both agreed that if I lived there or he lived here it would've worked out amazingly. Sometimes it can just be too hard regardless of how you feel.

Long distance relationships CAN work. I have seen them work out quite well. But I think that when there are that many miles between the two of you its hard.

I think that he was excited about meeting you and being with you but ultimately it sounds like he decided that it wasn't working for him. 6 months is long enough to figure out whether something is really working. Maybe he needs more from a relationship then a long distance one can provide.

This particular relationship will not work since this doesn't work for him but it shouldn't dissuade you from trying a LD again. However I have to point out that the effort HAS to be equal in a LDR. You said you were doing all the travel and you'd do anything to keep this together or make him happy. It can't work like that in any relationship but especially an LD one. I always say a relationship is like a rowboat. If only one person paddles you spin in circles and get nowhere but feeling tired and frustrated. If both people row the boat sails smooth and straight.

I think you need to move forward from this and find someone who will work equally as hard as you do in a relationship. You are worth that and deserve that.

[CaptainRich]

I personally think you're being short sighted (Definitely not a pun)
If your relationship is founded on love, trust and adoration, distance shouldn't be a factor.

Consider a military couple... one or the other could be deployed to another corner of the globe on very little notice. This can and does become more difficult than someone opting to relocate for choice... school... job displacement or any other reason.

I agree the time zone can interfere with social scheduling, but it's more of a decision to quit than a requirement. Look for alternatives if you can.

[Sweetpea90]

YEA I feel like I like him more and more but nothing is happening... he is the kindest, sweetest person I have ever met in my life. And it saddens me that I met someone that kind and sweet but happens to live 3000 miles away :( we are Friends still... we text here and there and chat online caualy... however, that's all it is to him now I guess? I don't know weather to stop all conact with him so I can get over him? Or continue being cool and maybe things might fall into place later? I am so confused. Im just afraid I will never meet a guy as sweet and kind as him so I am afraid to let go of him... whatever it is that we have left :(

[Fr_Chuck]

Part of the trouble is on long distance relationships, one partner may want it to move on to the next level before the other one does.

For example at 6 months in many relationships one person moves in with the other ( not my personal idea, but what does happen often in real life)
So with that said, often people in long distance relationships also have to realise that at some point, to become a not long distance one, one person has to move. So have you discussed at some point, who quits their job, sells their belongings and moves??

This is the hardest part of a long distance relationship is moving it on to another level.

[br_hjs]

I think he may have not realized it so much before and he just had his mind set on you and not the distance and now that you have been together this long and don't live together or anything maybe he's starting to just give up because he thinks its always going to be distant... What has he said about it?

[Sweetpea90]

He just told me " i dont want a LD relationship, it seems werid to me" & I said OK... but if things get more serious... I will move there closer to you... and he's said "no dont because i would feel terrible if someone moved for me and "what if" down the road we dont work out?..i would feel horrible that that person moved" which I can understand... but if I don't move... and he don't want a LD relationship... then what was the point of 6 months? He said he tried and he tried the "impossible" to me, its NOT impossible. I know he cares about me... but has his mind set to NO LDR. I never told him I was going to move to his town after that convercation. I didn't want to look psyho you know? Last week when we broke it off... I told him I wanted to see him and asked WHY he didn't seem egar? He said he knew if I went.. we would have a blast... and he just didn't want me to go back to my hometown thinking "ok what now?" He said maybe we shouldn't hangout until I get over him. That to me says " I DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE" Loud & clear right? :( Do Guys relize they messed up a good thing after a while? Because I know & he knows... he won't ever find a girl like me who cared for him & put up with him like I did... I just hope he will see that one day :(

[Fr_Chuck]

I will just ask this, are you sure he is not married, you would not believe the 1000's of married men who carry on long distance relationships, even travel to where the girl lives to be with her for a week or weekend,

[pinkchick_888]

Well again I am sorry you are having to go through this, you are obviously attached to him a lot, but if you are the only one that wants to make the relationship work then its prob not going to. Of course its going to be hard for you to move on since you have had a relationship with him and you have feelings for him, but it takes 2 to make a relationship work. I think everything happens for a reason, and its not easy to think its for the best but like the old saying goes when one door closes 2 more open, or something like that lol. I really hope you find mr right and he appreciates you for who you are!! And since this guy isn't willing to make your relationship work then he prob isn't mr right. I wish you the best of luck! And
P.S. u always find the best ones when your not looking lol that sounds weird but its true... hope this helps :)