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Hercin · Sep 18, 2007, 09:48 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and before we dated he would go to strip clubs every now and then with his friends but hasn't gone since we've been together. The other day he went to the strip club with his friends. I really didn't want him to go but he insisted that I had nothing to worry about and that he was going to be good blah blah blah.. It's been a week since he went and I can't get over being mad at him. I feel like he's betrayed me and the only way I'll feel better is if I go to a male strip club just so he can feel what I felt. I've tried to get over it but I just feel like he shouldn't be spending his money on other women and shouldn't be getting danced on or even looking at other women nude in person. It just sucks that I feel this way and I really do want to just forget about it but every time I think about it I just get angry all over again!:mad:

MrChevvy57 · Mar 15, 2008, 03:02 AM

Originally Posted by Hercin

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and before we dated he would go to strip clubs every now and then with his friends but hasn't gone since we've been together. The other day he went to the strip club with his friends. I really didn't want him to go but he insisted that i had nothing to worry about and that he was going to be good blah blah blah.. It's been a week since he went and i can't get over being mad at him. I feel like he's betrayed me and the only way i'll feel better is if i go to a male strip club just so he can feel what i felt. I've tried to get over it but I just feel like he shouldn't be spending his money on other women and shouldn't be getting danced on or even looking at other women nude in person. It just sucks that i feel this way and i really do want to just forget about it but everytime i think about it i just get angry all over again!:mad:

Hercin.
Don't get mad baby get even. Next time he wants to go to a strip club ask to go with him.
Then he might change his mind about going to these clubs.

Hope this helps you

duck22 · Mar 15, 2008, 04:59 AM

If he goes out with his buddies once in a blue moon to celebrate and was good then I think you should give him a little slack. As long as he is not spending large amounts of money or getting lap dances I do not see much harm done. As far as you getting even with him I really object that. "An eye for and eye and the whole world goes blind."

N0help4u · Mar 15, 2008, 07:04 AM

Tit for Tat spite never solved anything.
If you feel that is what will 'cure' you though then discuss it with him
But he could take it as you being okay enough that it is okay now for him to go again.
Also I have seen many guys that do something and the wife 'retaliates' (at least the way he sees it) then the guy will be in denial to the fact he started it and will go and do whatever to get back at the wife and then it becomes a vicious back and forth until it becomes a 'normal' pattern for the two.
I think you should just drop it. You made your feelings known. A nagging wife WILL drive a guy to doing the exact opposite of what the wife nagged about.
If he tries making a habit of it is when you could be looking at a problem.
A one time for the nostalgia isn't going to make or break your relationship
Unless you let it---or cause it to.

talaniman · Mar 15, 2008, 01:36 PM

If your that mad after only going out for 7 months, how is that his problem?

JBeaucaire · Mar 15, 2008, 03:44 PM

I too find it difficult to understand how easy it is for people to say, "I have an issue with this, so YOU have to change your behavior to suit me." I mean this logic is EVERYWHERE!

We've gone over this already in another thread, right? You must deal with your own issues, you really must. And I mean dealing with it by working on your reasons for being so bothered by it and getting past them, or consider moving on to your next relationship.

A guy who finds nothing wrong with going to strip clubs will only stop if he has something much better. Are you much better? Don't answer so quick, going to a strip bar gets him fun, drinks, some cheap looks and pretty much no-stress judgements from the women there. Is dealing with you better?

Eventually, hon, you WILL be in a relationship where you can talk to the guy about these things and let your feelings be known without him feeling attacked or ruled by you. That will be an awesome day. And he will have a committed bond that will allow him to change his own behaviors out of his commitment to you. I would bet dollars to donuts you guys aren't at that point yet.

So as long as you "can't get over it" then he has nowhere to go with you on this and it's lose-lose. You might argue him into submission, but he won't have gotten there on his own and will resent you, this will lead to problems later in other areas, areas he can "win" against you... and it's all downhill from there.

My favorite quote: "A man convinced against his will is not convinced." Peter J. Lawrence.

MJisastar · Apr 23, 2010, 08:21 AM

No it does not and you need to let him know that you don't like it and IF he's a good boyfriend then he WON'T do it. Why would he need that? He's got you now. I'm sure you look just fine when you're nude. (um if you two are at that stage... heh yeah). So why would he need to look at cheap strippers? Let him know that. I'd be mad too. And yeah if he is going to do that you should do the equivalent. Show him. :)
Oh yeah... and remember that you're awesome!