[ny_citymouse]

I'm 33, she's 38 (been divorced for over 10 years with 3 children).

We met @ work in 1999 in NY, and developed a great friendship. We'd go out all the time & talk all the time, completely innocent, no dating, no kissing, no sex, just a once in a lifetime friendship.

She moved to North Carolina in 2000, and we were still close, we'd have conversations that would last until sunrise. In 2001, she told me that loved me but she was afraid to say anything. I was totally blindsided, but I did love her as a friend and I thought she was attractive so I asked her out. And our first date was just amazing the kisses were electric and so potent that I got the worst case of mono that my doctor had ever seen (lol).

So I'd visit her & she'd visit me every month or two. We kept dating, and upgraded to boyfriend/girlfriend status & the I love you's.

There had been some peaks and valleys, but overall the relationship had been great.

A month ago, she missed her period, so we thought she might be pregnant. She always joked that if she were pregnant she would just break up with me because I didn't want to have kids. She went to the doctor and the test was negative, but the doctor mentioned some "medical conditions" that may have caused the problem.

After telling me the she wasn't pregnant, she disappeared for about a week. We never go that long without talking. I tried contacting her but her phone's were disconnected and I was really worried. I got a hold of her on Friday and asked how she was doing and she sounded bad on the phone.

Recently, she's had to endure even more stress at work & her house is under foreclosure (the person she was renting from wasn't paying their mortgage). She deals with stress really badly, she tries to do everything herself & she always seems to amplify negative things to the point where she gets back headaches & nightmares.

My mother was close to buying a house in NC, so I told her that I was coming down to see it & it might solve her stressful housing problem.

So I come into town yesterday, and she was ice cold, she said she didn't want to be touched & refuses to tell me what the dr said, even though I told her if it was terminal or if she was pregnant I'd be there for her, whatever it was she could tell me & we'd get though it. But she REFUSED to say what was wrong.

And she says that she doesn't want my help & she feels like she isn't pulling her weight and she wishes that she could just run & hide from everyone, her kids & me. I told her I love her & I just want to support her.

Then she said I shouldn't have come & "I should've gotten the hint when she didn't call" and "what do i have to say to get you to break up with me", "I need some space", "I don't want to be in a relationship".

I was totally blindsided, this is from a woman that had pursued me, that said she loved me & that she wanted to marry me.

So I paid the extra $100 to get my flight changed so I can leave tomorrow morning.

I don't know what's going on with her, part of me believes that she's trying to protect me somehow by not telling me what's medically wrong.

I wish she'd just say what's wrong she just determined to push me away.

I feel so bad inside, I know I have to stay away if that's what she wants but it'll be hard.

The wounds are fresh & deep... Any advice?

[s_cianci]

Give her some time. She has obviously been through a traumatic experience that she is unable or unwilling to share right now. Let her know that you'll be there for her and that she can call you when she's ready to talk about it. Meanwhile you need to get on with your life, and without her for right now. She'll contact you when she's ready. Just roll with the punches and let the chips fall where they may.

[Wildcat21]

I am sure she doesn't mean it. But, give her space, give her time. You guys have too much time invested in each other.

""I need some space", "I don't want to be in a relationship". - give her space and she will come around.

I just wouldn't try to contact her for a couple weeks. Hopefully she contacts you.

Can you contact any relatives or her kids. YOU ARE ENTITLED to know if she is sick.

[letmeno]

She is going through something or has gone through something traumatic.

We say we need space to hash out things that are overwhelming. She says she needs time, then give her that.

If you are close enough to someone that she is close to, her mom or sister, give them a call to at least put your mind at ease about rather or not she is sick. She at least owes you that much.

Don't pressure her, if it is that bad, she will push you away.

[fredg]

HI,
At this point, you can do nothing. She has already made that quite clear.
Leave her alone. Don't get in contact with her in any way. Let her decide what she wants to do with your relationship.
If she wants to talk with you, she will get in touch with you.
Take a hint, and leave it.
Best of luck,
fredg