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_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 07:23 PM

I'm a 19 year old male, have a wonderful life, and have the greatest girlfriend anyone could ever ask for... yet I can't seem to let go of something I did in the past... it's making me miserable. When I was 14, I had a same-sex experience. I never felt too bad about it. Although I felt disgusted shortly after the incident, I realized I made a mistake and never wished to relive that experience ever again in any way, shape, or form. I never dwelled on it. But now, almost five years down the road, I can't get it out of my mind. I feel terrible and guilty. I think a large part of it has to do with the fact that I have finally found love for the first time in my life. I cannot tell her what I did. It would ruin the perfection between us. But I don't know what I can do to get the incident out of my mind. It has been haunting me for almost a straight month now... ever since I realized that I was actually falling in love with my girlfriend. I have no clue what to do...

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 07:30 PM

Anyone?

nauticalstar420 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:41 PM

Hun I wouldn't think of it as a mistake, but rather a learning experience. We all do things we are not proud of at one point in our life, but we learn from those things. Don't get down on yourself. :)

whiteladybug2002 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:41 PM

I think this is a personal issue that you need to deal with before committing yourself to your girlfriend. Maybe you are mad at yourself for doing it? Maybe you need to forgive yourself your own actions? Maybe this event tramatized you in some way and you may need counseling? I don't know that answer, but I do know that you should hold off on the current relationship until you deal with this issue or it will continue to arise.

Good Luck and God Loves You!

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 07:44 PM

Well there's no way I'm dipping out on this relationship. We've been dating for almost 5 months now and she is everything that I've ever searched for. I just feel so bad that this incident has recently decide to haunt me, and lingers over my head through the majority of the day. Maybe it's trauma? Can that be fixed? Can the thought obsession be cured?

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 08:31 PM

Does anyone else have suggestions? Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. I just can't seem to find peace of mind. I used to be so happy... I mean, I AM happy... but I feel like I can't fully appreciate my happiness with this constant recurrence of the sickest memory of my entire life.

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 08:48 PM

Please... somebody...

AKaeTrue · Sep 16, 2007, 08:54 PM

Abcd, you have people here trying to help you get through this.
Did you read wondergirl's last post to you??
www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/constant-recurring-thoughts-cant-stop-thinking-about-128966-3.html

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2007, 08:55 PM

Maybe if you talk this over with someone else, a counselor maybe. I think you were just experimenting sexually. But do you think you may be gay, is this why this is bothering you now? Have you a sexual relatioship with this young lady?
I think you should talk to a professional about this. Maybe it will help you clear up whatever is going on in your mind.

Grayfox · Sep 16, 2007, 08:59 PM

Honestly man, a lot of other people out there have had situations that are similar to yours, believe it or not... it sounds like you're just suffering from a little bit of regret (also completely normal) just remember man... ur not like that... u obviously are into you're girlfriend, I personally wouldn't mind telling my girlfriend about an awkward situation I had when I was younger if its not a part of me now, but that's me... maybe you're obsessed because you desperately want to get it off your chest... maybe telling her will make you feel better, otherwise... just give it time... im sure it will go away

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2007, 08:59 PM

I don't think that because you had a same sex experience with someone 4 years ago it means anything now. Have you had sex since then?
I think you just did a silly teenage thing. I would not be surprised if there were not a bunch of other guys that did the same thing.
Why is this bothering you so much now?

letmetellu · Sep 16, 2007, 09:02 PM

You are going to have to put this behind you. What other things have you don't in your life that you are not proud of? Have you ever stole money from your parents purse or wallet? Have you ever shop lifted? Ever lied to friend and it really hurt the friend? Have you ever cheated in school or on a test of any kind? All of these things happen to people because they are immature and do't really have to mental ability to realize what harm they will do to others or to yourselves. So promise yourself that you are going to now live beyond what has happened in the past and that you will never be that immature again ever. This happening when you were so young could work toward to making you a better person for the rest of your life. Good Luck.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2007, 09:11 PM

I think you just did some experimenting. I would not be surprised if a lot of people have done this. Have you had sex since then?
Write everything you just said down on a piece of paper. Write all of your fears and concerns then read it, ask yourself if this is still you, ask yourself what you're worried about, then write that down too. Read it again, then tell yourself, it's done, it can't be undone and now it's time to move on. Then burn it and forget it.

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 09:18 PM

Thank you all for your suggestions. I don't know if it's regret (I thought I already forgave myself a long time ago) or just me overanalyzing the situation and it making a bigger emotional impact than it should. It's pretty much habitual thought... and I just can't seem to break the habit.

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 09:32 PM

Anything else for me to sleep on?

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2007, 09:35 PM

Does the thought come on suddenly, are you doing anything in particular when you start to have these thoughts?

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 09:38 PM

The thought is pretty much lingering over my head through the entire day. Sometimes I can go about 10 minutes or so without it passing, but it's bound to cross my mind at one point or another. I read somewhere not to try and suppress the thoughts. Just let them come and accept them and eventually your emotional response to them will "water down"... has anyone found this to be accurate?

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2007, 09:48 PM

You seem to be obssessing over this. How long has this been going on? Have you had sex since you had this one experience?

_abcd · Sep 16, 2007, 09:51 PM

The thought has been lingering for a month this upcoming Wednesday. No I have not had sex. I'm a virgin, so is my girlfriend.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2007, 09:59 PM

So that was the only experience you've had. You're probably thinking about it because you're thinking about having sex with your girl friend and worried this will have some effect.
The only thing I can tell you is what you did probably happens with more people l than you think and maybe you're not ready for sex yet. Are you worried that you might be gay?