Check out some similar questions!

bummedout4 · Sep 20, 2007, 08:53 PM

Thanks for your support, I look forward to a better future, with or without her. Its just the road there that will be tough, at least for now.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 20, 2007, 08:59 PM

Yeah, but you will be fine.

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 05:53 AM

I Just keep feeling like I have to do something to prove to her that I am the "one". I know I shouldn't have to but that's how I feel inside. I just feel so crappy when I wake up and when I realize what is really going on, I am not hungry and I have been feeling physically ill. I am finding it hard to sit by and let things play out because I am afraid what I want isn't going to happen. Its hard for me to accept that she feels this way right now and I just want to talk to her and see her and explain to her how I feel. I am really messed up and I know you have all given me great advice. My life just feels so empty and pointless right now it hurts. I don't want to go down this road of loneliness because I truly think that she is the one for me.

farfrmnormal · Sep 21, 2007, 06:29 AM

I have read this entire post - sounds very familiar to my situation. I am not one to be giving advice, but I feel that this should be mentioned. Someone brought up a portion of the quote "If you love something ...." Here is the entire quote. It is from an ancient Chinese Proverb designed to help you let go -

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect."

This rings true and makes me think of something my ex said during one of our conversations before NC - here is the background:

He (my ex) recently was in his cousins wedding - his cousin was marrying a girl he met MANY years ago, but the couple had been dating 2 yrs before they got married. Here is the kicker - while the two had met many years ago, they also dated then as well and broke things off. They remained friends but did not date one another for TWO YEARS - here they are 4 yrs later, married. I can only hope that you and I be lucky enough to experience this, but once again, read that proverb because it makes total sense.

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 06:41 AM

Thank you for your post, that proverb does make sense, just thinking about it is hard to accept. I feel like I need to see her and talk to her one more time before NC, so I can really be honest and she can be honest with me. Maybe by end of this weekend I will do that and then be prepared to move on.

farfrmnormal · Sep 21, 2007, 06:47 AM

Did you read my previous post? My own post? I know everyone on here says NC is best, which it is - but you need to set a boundary, if not with her, with yourself. Give yourself a set amount of time to grieve. Losing a mate is like losing a loved one, only you have a constant reminder of them because there is always the chance that you could see them, or hear about them. But IMO and its hard because I am currently going through it, you just have to be strong and go along with the timeline. My ex and I set two weeks aside for him to think, at the end of those two weeks we said we would meet and discuss things - he also said that in that time if he figured things out before he would contact me. If she isn't willing to do this then maybe you need to take control and tell her you are moving on, with or without her.

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 08:19 AM

Is writing one last heartfelt letter expressing all my feelings and hopes a bad idea? I feel like I just need to express what I am feeling because its not letting me function as a normal person.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 21, 2007, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by bummedout4

thank you for your post, that proverb does make sense, just thinking about it is hard to accept. I feel like i need to see her and talk to her one more time before NC, so i can really be honest and she can be honest with me. Maybe by end of this weekend I will do that and then be prepared to move on.

The trouble with that is, she has been honest with you. You are the one not accepting what she has said and your writing her a letter or having "one more" conversation is not respecting her feelings and her decision..
She let go, you are the one with the problem. I know it's hard, but let it go. Leave her alone. No means No.

farfrmnormal · Sep 21, 2007, 08:31 AM

Writing the letter is a good idea - giving it to her is bad. I have been journaling every day since and I find it helps me cope a little bit more.

ConfusedandLost · Sep 21, 2007, 08:32 AM

I would hold off on the letter... listen to everyone here stay away from her. She knows how you feel BELIEVE me on this one she does. You have to be strong and NOT let all of these emotions effect your daily life. It will consume you and at that point you will become overly obsessive with letting her know this and that and finally you will drive her farther and farther away. Go out and find things to do... join clubs etc. I just went and applied to be a voluteer fireman a few days ago. You just have to "free your mind" of all of the thoughts of "what could have been and why me". Focus on the present and tomorrow day by day. You will find once you stop all of that "negative" thinking you will have so much time on your hands to enjoy yourself. Become the YOU that she first met... that will show her how much she misses you...

Think Happy Thoughts :)

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

The trouble with that is, she has been honest with you. You are the one not accepting what she has said and your writing her a letter or having "one more" conversation is not respecting her feelings and her decision..
She let go, you are the one with the problem. I know it's hard, but let it go. Leave her alone. No means No.

Well I don't know if she has been completely honest with me. She says she doesn't want any relationship and just time to herself but I have the feeling that she is haning out with a guy she works with and well I want to know if she is doing this because she wants to be with him and not me. I feel like she has been saying the right things to not make me feel as bad but I don't think it's the total truth. I just want to know so I can start to move on, not knowing will really bother me.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 21, 2007, 09:21 AM

Well if she is seeing another guy, that should tell you something. She has moved on. You need to do the same.

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 10:01 AM

Well that's the thing I don't think she is but I am not sure, I want her to be honest with me that's all.

crushedovernover · Sep 21, 2007, 10:02 AM

Just because she is seeing another guy doesn't mean she has moved on just means she si trying..

smoothy · Sep 21, 2007, 10:06 AM

What she is saying is she wants some new meat.

You can't impose your will on others so walk away, she wants space give her space. The rest of her life in fact. There are other women out there, some of them far better than her. Look at it this way, better she wants to take a break in things now... that a few years after you get married.

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 10:14 AM

Well this is what's really confusing me right now. When we last talked in person, I told her everything I was feeling and what I wanted to do about us. She said that she is not ready now and doesn't want to go back on her decision. I have a feeling that she feels like she made a decision and doesn't want to go back on it no matter what. I know there is a connection between us still by the look in her eyes and her agreeing to meet me. I keep thinking and feeling there is something I can do, to show her that what I say is true and not just talk. I know everyone is saying NC and let her contact you but isn't life too short to wait around and leave things left unsaid and undone? I know you will all probably rip me for thinking like this but I can't get over it. I just want to call her, talk to her, see her. I know its only been almost 2 weeks but I feel that If I can just see her , touch her, kiss her maybe it will bring back something that she thinks is gone? Don't be too harsh on me, I am a man in love and in fear of losing who I want to be with and have imainged myself with for my lifetime.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 21, 2007, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by bummedout4

Well this is whats really confusing me right now. When we last talked in person, i told her everything i was feeling and what i wanted to do about us. She said that she is not ready now and doesn't want to go back on her decision. I have a feeling that she feels like she made a decision and doesn't want to go back on it no matter what. I know there is a connection between us still by the look in her eyes and her agreeing to meet me. I keep thinking and feeling there is something i can do, to show her that what i say is true and not just talk. I know everyone is saying NC and let her contact you but isn't life too short to wait around and leave things left unsaid and undone? I know you will all probably rip me for thinking like this but I can't get over it. i just want to call her, talk to her, see her. I know its only been almost 2 weeks but I feel that If i can just see her , touch her, kiss her maybe it will bring back something that she thinks is gone? Don't be too harsh on me, I am a man in love and in fear of losing who i want to be with and have imainged my self with for my lifetime.

Well of course there is a connection there. You guys were together for a good while. But she has made a decision and does not want to go back on it. You are not respecting her or her decision. She owes you no explanation for why she is seeing who see's seeing. She owes you nothing. You owe her enough respect to leave her alone.

smoothy · Sep 21, 2007, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by bummedout4

Well this is whats really confusing me right now. When we last talked in person, i told her everything i was feeling and what i wanted to do about us. She said that she is not ready now and doesn't want to go back on her decision. I have a feeling that she feels like she made a decision and doesn't want to go back on it no matter what. I know there is a connection between us still by the look in her eyes and her agreeing to meet me. I keep thinking and feeling there is something i can do, to show her that what i say is true and not just talk. I know everyone is saying NC and let her contact you but isn't life too short to wait around and leave things left unsaid and undone? I know you will all probably rip me for thinking like this but I can't get over it. i just want to call her, talk to her, see her. I know its only been almost 2 weeks but I feel that If i can just see her , touch her, kiss her maybe it will bring back something that she thinks is gone? Don't be too harsh on me, I am a man in love and in fear of losing who i want to be with and have imainged my self with for my lifetime.

Most of us have been where you are. And trust me I know its not easy.

But remember this... if she wants space you have to give it to her. Don't become the next statistic in stalkers. And some stalkers are people that were deeply in love and had a hard time moving on when the object of their affection no longer desired their presence.

My recommendation it to look for someone else. It will help the process of getting over her. In fact it's the best way from my experience.

bummedout4 · Sep 21, 2007, 12:11 PM

I don't know if I am ready to look for someone else, every time I see another girl or talk to one, I think about my ex and compare them. In my eyes I still see my ex and I can't just get over it so fast. I have a feeling I am going to be weak this weekend and contact her if she doesn't contact me, I just know myself and how I feel right now. I can't help it.

smoothy · Sep 21, 2007, 12:48 PM

Word of warning I hope you heed.

In the eyes of a woman that wants her space... and therefore in the eyes of Johnny Law. The line between lovesick ex and stalker is very fine, and open to interpretation. Hang out with the guys if you aren't ready to find another woman... but do not contact a woman that asks you not to.