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    madaman's Avatar
    madaman Posts: 212, Reputation: 25
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    #521

    Oct 16, 2007, 04:31 PM
    Cmon, don't call her man. Of course she thinks she can still use you for homework help because you have stuck around with all she's done to you already. She thinks that she can see another guy and still use you for all the help she wants/needs. You are going to prove her wrong by not calling her back.

    This is no longer about winning her back etc, its about you moving on. That's pretty disrespectful of her to call you after you even said that you can't be friends with her right now.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #522

    Oct 16, 2007, 04:42 PM
    You have told her how you feel. There really is no reason for you to call her. She will get the message when you don't respond.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #523

    Oct 16, 2007, 05:26 PM
    Actions speak louder than words, and if your busy, and unavailable? That sends a better message than any one you can text.
    bummedout4's Avatar
    bummedout4 Posts: 245, Reputation: 6
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    #524

    Oct 16, 2007, 05:44 PM
    I texted her back and I know you will all rip me. She just wanted to know how I was doing. I told her fine, and that I need time to heal. I can't talk to her as friends now and she needs this time to find out what she wants, because she admits she does not know. So I know I probably should have ignored her, but I am telling you , that is it, I am on strict NC so I can heal and she can find herself. I told her to call me when she feels she knows what she wants, and I will contact her when I feel I can talk to her as friends. How long that will be, I don't know. She thought I hated her, and I don't I am just hurt. The love is still there between us but not enough to continue our past relationship. We both need to move on, heal and we are agreed. So I know I may have dissapointed you all but that is it, I mark my words. NC starting again today. I feel better and more clear about what I need to do for myself and she needs to do what she needs for herself. I am certain we will both find happiness and really that's all I want.
    madaman's Avatar
    madaman Posts: 212, Reputation: 25
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    #525

    Oct 16, 2007, 05:52 PM
    Oh CMON!

    Just kidding but seriously you have to really start now. Stop letting her use you OK?

    It is kind of frustrating that you won't start NC. If this happens again and you talk to her, explicitly tell her that you can't talk anymore and ask her to please respect that. If you don't have the will power to not talk to her, ask her that.
    bummedout4's Avatar
    bummedout4 Posts: 245, Reputation: 6
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    #526

    Oct 16, 2007, 05:58 PM
    No I know, I told her that I can't talk to her now and she said OK. I will not initiate any talk with her from now on until I feel I am ready. She needs to deal with this new guy w/out my comfort and familiarity. She has to figure out what she wants w/out me because I know if I am around, its like I never left so there will be no feeling of void and she would never realize if she missed me or not. So I know that this is what is right for both of us right now. Thanks for sticking to me, I know I was breaking NC but it wasn't completely clear, now she knows and I know and its on.
    enigmagnetic's Avatar
    enigmagnetic Posts: 333, Reputation: 45
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    #527

    Oct 16, 2007, 07:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bummedout4
    no i know, i told her that i can't talk to her now and she said ok. i will not initiate any talk with her from now on until i feel i am ready. she needs to deal with this new guy w/out my comfort and familiarity. she has to figure out what she wants w/out me b/c i know if iam around, its like i never left so there will be no feeling of void and she would never realize if she missed me or not. So i know that this is what is right for both of us right now. Thanks for stickin to me, i know i was breaking NC but it wasnt completly clear, now she knows and i know and its on.
    Now you're talking! Although I would add, I'm also going to work on making myself the best I can be. I will start jogging or weighlifting and playing the guitar etc etc etc. Good luck man, and look at this as an opportunity to help yourself out.
    ilovcali's Avatar
    ilovcali Posts: 206, Reputation: 85
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    #528

    Oct 16, 2007, 08:11 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bummedout4
    no i know, i told her that i can't talk to her now and she said ok. i will not initiate any talk with her from now on until i feel i am ready. she needs to deal with this new guy w/out my comfort and familiarity. she has to figure out what she wants w/out me b/c i know if iam around, its like i never left so there will be no feeling of void and she would never realize if she missed me or not. So i know that this is what is right for both of us right now. Thanks for stickin to me, i know i was breaking NC but it wasnt completly clear, now she knows and i know and its on.

    You know, I'm not trying to force my opinion on you, but you're looking at the whole thing the wrong way I think. Leaving her alone is not SOME PLOY to make her come back, or miss you, or make her realize oops, what happened to so and so. NO! It is so that YOU can figure out what YOU are doing. It's so YOU can repair the DAMAGE SHE DID TO YOU.

    She already made her choice, IT'S HIM, NOT YOU. That fact that you still care that she knows anything about you IS THE PROBLEM.

    SHE'S FINE. If you can't help with homework, she'll be just fine. She's HAPPY WITHOUT you. SHE'S NOT MISSING YOU. SHE HAS A NEW GUY IN HER LIFE. What else do you need to understand?

    And if things don't work with this guy, and she runs back to the doormat ex, she'll wipe her feet on you, and still have COMPLETE CONTROL OVER YOU like she does now.

    Dude, don't you have any friends or family to talk to? I notice you talk HER BROTHER so that you can keep feeding you OBSESSION over this girl. I think you should talk to someone in YOUR FAMILY or a GOOD FRIEND. Sometimes getting a metaphorical slap in the face from a good friend or family is what people need to wake up.

    Anyway, sorry for being harsh. But you're starting to worry me. Good luck!

    --Cali
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #529

    Oct 16, 2007, 11:00 PM
    The others can support you, and pat you in the back! I won't because you have earned... nothing. You can get busy, and build your own life, or talk crap, and go no where! Sorry guy!
    Sad Soul's Avatar
    Sad Soul Posts: 177, Reputation: 40
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    #530

    Oct 17, 2007, 01:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    The others can support you, and pat you in the back!! I won't because you have earned .....nothing. You can get busy, and build your own life, or talk crap, and go no where! Sorry guy!
    Yeah. I need to hear a progress report from the gym, or something new.
    bummedout4's Avatar
    bummedout4 Posts: 245, Reputation: 6
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    #531

    Oct 17, 2007, 06:33 AM
    Thanks for being harsh with me, sometimes I think I need that to get going. I need to build up my confidence again, when I was with her I had more confidence because I had that support and knew she was there. Now I have to re-gain my confidence and throw myself out there to do new things. I appreciate the patience and support, I am doing my best right now.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #532

    Oct 17, 2007, 08:08 AM
    Thanks for being harsh with me, sometimes I think I need that to get going.
    Its called being real, and thats what real humans do!!
    I need to build up my confidence again,
    DAH!!!!!!
    When I was with her I had more confidence because I had that support and knew she was there.
    Love is like that!
    Now I have to re-gain my confidence and throw myself out there to do new things.
    Thats just life!!
    I appreciate the patience and support,
    All humans need that!
    I am doing my best right now.
    I know you are, and as harsh and mean as I may seem. I am on YOUR side:D
    star3114's Avatar
    star3114 Posts: 234, Reputation: 44
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    #533

    Oct 17, 2007, 08:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bummedout4
    hey guys thanks a lot for stickin with me. i know i have probably been a tough and stubborn student. well i talked to my dad today when i got home and he had some good advice and perspective that made me feel beter and to realize that this is a good time for this time apart. she needs to grow up and mature and so do i to an extent. well anywyas, i may have an opportunity to go to Costa Rica for 4-5 days to see my family, and oddly enough i would be leaving on my ex's birthday. If i do end up going, do i just call her to say happy birthday? do you think that by me not even being around on her bday, she will feel some sort of void, since we have celebrated the past 4 bdays together? well i just thought that was quite a coincidence. Well i will keep you all updated, thanks.
    You are not her boyfriend anymore. DO NOT CALL HER!
    star3114's Avatar
    star3114 Posts: 234, Reputation: 44
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    #534

    Oct 17, 2007, 08:55 PM
    It has been a while since I posted on here. Make a weekly plan of how to occupy your free time doing things that make you feel good... this can not involve contacting her or any of her family. This is about you. Next time you post, you better tell us all of the wonderful things that you have been doing. Our advice can only do so much, it requires action on your part to make it help. So darn it, get your butt out there and have some fun. You are young... enjoy your youth. Whoop it up!!
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #535

    Oct 18, 2007, 06:24 AM
    What does it matter if she feels a void? Your objecctive is to get over her not try and second guess her every motive and make her feel good.
    Heal yourself, and leave her alone.
    7sGate's Avatar
    7sGate Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
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    #536

    Oct 18, 2007, 07:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bummedout4
    Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 4 years now. We met when we were 18 we're now 22 yrs old. We have seen each other a lot over the course of our relationship at least 4-5 days a week and did everything together. Everything was fine but lately she has been saying that she feels different and said she wanted to take a break to figure things out and to be happy. She was starting to feel unhappy b/c we didnt really go out a lot on the wkends, not because we didnt want to, but just tired sometimes and ended up staying home. I have a feeling that she may be a little bored with our relationship and i understand and want to change. We have had these conversations before but things would change and then go back to normal. She says she still loves me but is not "in love" as much as she was in the beginning. it has been almost a week since she said she wanted a break. I have been pretty shocked and devasted, telling her how much i love her and how much she means to me. She has been goin out wth her friends a lot, a lot more then when we were together. I have read that i shouldn't contact her but it is really hard b/c we have had troubles before and talked them out and remained together. I don't want to lose her and do not want to push her away during this time. I just want to be with her, and love her. She knows how i feel about her and i dont know what she is thinking in her head. She says that she isnt ready to see me yet but she will let me know. We talk on the phone every once in a while , but it is hard for me not to call her or text her. I don't have a lot of close friends to go out with, they are either up in school still or have gf's of their own. At work i dont work with any people my age to hang out. She was my everything and i dont want to lose her, should i keep fighting or just hold off for a while? thanks for any help and advice.
    I like Cali's advice. You want her to make you happy; and she doesn't want that responsibility. More than likely, what she says she wants for herself is actually what she wants for YOU to do. Two people should complement each other, not suffocate each other.
    davinchi's Avatar
    davinchi Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #537

    Sep 2, 2009, 08:22 AM

    This is exactly like my situation! Both my wife and I are 21 and have been married for 3 years. She just decided to take a break to find herself. Its hard to not call her or text. It is day 5 of her being away and she thinks she will be ready by Monday.
    underthegun's Avatar
    underthegun Posts: 24, Reputation: 2
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    #538

    Sep 2, 2009, 08:31 AM

    Wow- it's been awhile since anyone has said anything on this thread. Anyway, davinchi- make darn sure to NOT make contact with her. Give her ALL the space she needs, no matter how hard it is. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself from following through with the temptation. In the long run, you will be MUCH happier that you exercised this self-control/discipline!
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #539

    Sep 2, 2009, 09:02 AM

    The threads nearly two years old guys I hope he s over her by now!

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