[queena]

I love my husband because he loves life, but after 25 years of marriage, good kids, good life, he's acting like he should be on vacation on the time and I should be taking all the reponsibilty. He wants to buy a different motorcycle, go on hunting, fishing, trail-riding trips. He isn't worred about being over-drawn at the bank, 16 yr old having asthma attacks, late homework notices, the oldest being "too serious" with a girl. I tell him he needs to help me with daily household chores (I work 9 hours a day, he works 5). He only worries about his garage, his dogs his next trip. Help, I think I'm having a breakdown! And please don't tell me I should have sympathy for him because he's worked so hard all these years.
Queens

[RubyPitbull]

queena, I am not sure why you would think that anyone would have sympathy for him for acting so irresponsibly. Is your husband semi-retired now? Have you both been working hard all these years to bring in income? Did you both have an arrangement as to who would be covering the finances and doing the additional chores? These questions are important to understanding exactly what is going on in your marriage. This sudden change in his view of his responsibilities is confusing to an outsider. He could very well be going through "male menopause" or what is commonly referred to as a mid-life crisis. He is getting older and he may be trying to recapture his lost youth, sort of a last hurrah before he feels he will be too old to enjoy life. Men can be silly that way. Or, if you have recently gone back to work and he was working all these years supporting everyone, he might view it as okay for him to relax. If that is the case, you need to get him to understand that although you might not have been helping with the bulk of the finances all those years, you were hardly running around having a good ol' time for yourself as he appears to be doing. You were there to raise the children and run the household. What he is doing seems to be very selfish. Has he ever had to be responsible for handling the day to day issues that comes with having a family? Do you have any vacation time coming to you? If you do, it might be time to schedule some vacation for yourself, either alone, with another family member (outside of your immediate family), or a girlfriend, and go away for a week. Tell him that he is going to have to do the shopping, cleaning, laundry, dealing with the kids, because you won't be around to do it and they need adult supervision. Tell him it is only a week out of his life and he can manage to put his personal activities aside for that time frame because you need and deserve a break and some fun time too. Then do it. I think he needs to experience how hard the work really is along with the amount of time that you have put in, to keep the household running smoothly.

[Dennis777]

Hello.

Sending you a Great Big Hug, Relax the world isn't over yet he is going through what many Men and Ladies do at some point in life. Men normally do it when most of the stress of life is off their shoulders and they for the first time feel like they can relax. I know its going overboard but that's the way it happens. Stay calm and keep telling him you need help and he will soon get back in the grove of being Dad, Husband and relaxing. Just don't push it to hard or he will push back and it will take longer for him to come back to reality.

BTW, Ladies do the same thing but normally do it when things get to crazy around them and they need time to run away and hide. Don't let your life get to that point until he is ready to take over for you so you can have your own excape from reality time.

Dennis777

[talaniman]

I sympathize with you as a male who just wanted to enjoy life, as my youth disappeared and hair turned colors. You must be very firm in reminding him he can have fun, but in a responsible way. I think he needs to be reminded he is not in this alone, and you two have to work together, and both have fun. Let him have his time, but keep his feet on the ground, about the work yet to be done, without nagging or argueing. He will settle down, but for now be firm and patient. Wait until its your turn, as we all go through this phase in life.