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Montecito_Rise · Sep 14, 2007, 03:56 PM

I have been dating my g/f for a year and she broke up with me on Tuesday, directly after an argument. I continuously pushed her to her limit to intentionally infuriate her when she was on an important business call because I was angry about the way she handle something earlier in the morning. Two weeks prior on a trip to Las Vegas, I called her phone repeatedly after an argument causing her to be upset and embarrassed in front of her friends. The problem is I am 29 years old... she is 24, and for the majority of the year things have been great. We hit a rough stretch about 2 months ago, and to say that my insecurities have gotten the best of me would be the understatement of the year. Obviously my behavior was unacceptable, but after a year together I didn't think it warranted a breakup. The last two days we have gone to lunch together, as we work together. Both days we have made out during lunch, intermixed with a lot of heartache on both sides. I have told her that I am committed to changing the way I handle these types of situations and she has said she questions the long term future of us. But she has also said she wants us both to be better people and ultimately be together. I was given pretty clear instructions that she needs some space right now and not to contact her this weekend. I know she is probably going to be subjected to negative advice regarding me from some of her friends who just don't really know me and/or like me that well. Is there any hope here? What is the best chance of getting this relationship resumed in the shortest amount of time? Any other insight?

Cher13 · Sep 14, 2007, 04:36 PM

I think she just got to the point where she had enough, I have a friend in a similar situation, it wasn't that one fight that cause the break up it was the year before of your behavior, I think she's just scared to get back into things and get hurt again. I'm sure she loves you but give her time and show her that you can change your behavior, actions speak louder then words

Cher13 · Sep 14, 2007, 04:39 PM

And yes I'm sure her friends will tell her she deserves better and so on, but if she loves you none of what they say will matter

GlindaofOz · Sep 14, 2007, 06:02 PM

I agree with Cher.

Give her the space she has asked for. Leave her alone completely. Do not call, email, text, IM, wave nothing. Leave her be. She will contact you when she is ready.

What's going on here with you? You are saying that everything was peachy up until 2 months ago - what happened? The way you are describing it is as if some flip switched on you and turned you into a insecure mess.

Montecito_Rise · Sep 14, 2007, 06:10 PM

Well we always have an outstanding time together... even throughout the problems we have had a very loving and affectionate relationship. I think I had some insecurities which turned out to be unfounded with regard to her ex boyfriend still repeatedly contacting her. She got frustrated with me questioning her (and to be fair I did have good reason because she inadvertently left an email on my computer saying that she had been thinking about him a lot lately to her sister). Then she started being more y, and I became more intolerant & things began to unravel. The infuriating part is that these problems, while painful, and apparently extremely so for her since she broke up with me--were only taking place maybe 5-10% of the time. The rest was normal... great for both of us. And I don't know if it's really over or what... would she still be making out with me the last two days if some part of her didn't want to reconcile this?

GlindaofOz · Sep 14, 2007, 06:17 PM

I would ignore the making out and not count that as the "big sign" that she will be back. My guess is if she is feeling the way I think she is feeling it was probably due to attraction or habit.

While this behavior was only a small percentage of the time she has seen a side of you that was previously hidden and unknown to her. That can be more then enough to make a girl run for the hills. She may see that this could grow into a pattern of behavior that will be VERY unfun to be around and will eventually be detrimental to her and the relationship.

While these behaviors you exhibited encompassed a small amount of time my recommendation to you is to actively pursue how to resolve these issues. I also feel that if your relationship was as good as you said she 1) would not be talking to her ex 2) you would trust her 3) there would be no reason to feel insecure.

There could be more going on here with this gal but I feel that its really more about these "new" behaviors you exhibited. Right now you are on a break. After this break she will probably tell you where you stand. If she breaks up with you accept it and take that and work on your issues of jealousy, insecurity and trust. Because I can guarantee that if she wanted you back she would not take you back until those issues are resolved.

Montecito_Rise · Sep 14, 2007, 06:26 PM

I appreciate the advice. I think you are right. This is really an extremely unpleasant position to be in, especially when you realize your own actions were the cause.

GlindaofOz · Sep 14, 2007, 06:31 PM

Well look at it this way - you know now that this is a problem. Its something that can be fixed and honestly probably pretty quickly.

Montecito_Rise · Sep 15, 2007, 04:34 AM

Even if it isn't going to fix this particular situation, how do you think I would go about solving the problem? I feel as though I am governed by emotion sometime vs what is reasonable.

talaniman · Sep 15, 2007, 04:49 AM

If you can't handle your own emotions, or know what's appropriate, then your either immature, or need some professional help. Either way its up to you to make changes for the better, or you will poison this and other relationships. It takes two mature people to be able to manage a healthy relationship. Maybe your not ready for that.