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nervousbabe · Sep 10, 2007, 04:03 PM

I am 19 and never been in a relationship. I have met lads I like a lot, but I've always turned them down as my nerves have got the better of me.
Recently I've met this one lad that I fell for straight away and I have tried so hard to be strong. We started by texting then we admitted we liked each other and I have been to his once. We just chatted. I want to get to know him better but I permanently feel anxious and scared inside.
He seems like such a nice lad, he always gives me compliments, tells me I'm beautiful (to which I don't know what to reply) he has been in a fair few relationships and therefore is obviously experienced.
During one chat we talked about me and I said I was insecure, lacked confidence and he asked if I was a virgin, of course I am, I've never even been kissed. He said he respected that and thought it was lovely. I told him I felt embarrassed and inexperienced but he said not at all and he though I was perfect girlfriend material. And that we could just take it really slowly, get to know each other and see what happens. It put my mind at ease a little.
The top and bottom of this is that I'm not worried about the dating its about the relationship, as I never know what to say back and when the time comes and if we were ready to make it sexual, I fear being naked as I have stretch marks, yet he is telling me I'm beautiful (he doesn't know what's underneath does he) and I don't know when to tell him that I have horrendous marks. Plus he is a model. I'm scared that he may be putting on a nice boy appearance and deep down he isn't like that at all. I think this because although he said don't get serious too soon, he has already sent me a picture of his top half and told me he has a high sex drive. Does this suggest he may just want me for sex?
I reaaly need help, it depresses me, and yet I'm so lonely I wasn't a boyfriend, he seems nice but I just don't know I'm petrified of getting involved and getting trapped and then making fun of me and my marks and the way I am!
Please just let me know your opinions, does he sound like a player?

Jiser · Sep 10, 2007, 04:41 PM

I didn't read all of what you wrote. ( I am tired you see ) But I was half through 20 when I had my first proper GF.

Its not good to need someone. You should be a happy independent person who is single. A partner should not make you but expand your own existing secure happiness.

Get learning and seeing the world and trying new things is my advise to you.

nicespringgirl · Sep 10, 2007, 05:08 PM

I'm so lonely I wasn't a boyfriend

Sorry, did I miss something? So are you a male or female?

nervousbabe · Sep 11, 2007, 02:12 AM

Sorry I'm female, its supposed to say I'm so lonely I want a boyfriend. I don't mean it quite like I'm desperate and need someone. My main point of this article is to get help on how he is acting with me? Does he sound too forward like telling me to take it slowly, but then saying he doesn't want to get serious too soon and that he had a high sex drive. He also keeps telling me that people think he is a slag and really arrogant, so far I don't see it, but why would people think that if it wasn't true? I'm sure lads could act nice to get a girl? But then I tell myself its different because he is so good looking that he could pretty much have any girl, so the fact he has chosen little insecure me and after he's found a lot out about me he still wants to be with me by telling me I'm absolutely perfect then this should boost my confidence but it just doesn't? Help please

trueblooe · Sep 11, 2007, 02:14 AM

Trust me babe he wants you for sex and he will tell every lie under heavens sun to get it good luck with the fight

nicespringgirl · Sep 11, 2007, 06:53 AM

I agree with what Jsier has said.
Be a happy independent person, you don't need companionship yet.
I know what you feel, but if you could wait and be sure get to know him more then make the decision on it.
When I say "getting to know him more", not necessary going out with him, u can always do some "survey" on him, ask his friends about him. Just to get a little bit more information.
I know you might think that is not the best idea, "u gotta know the person on ur own blah, blah..."but if someone's friends all dislike him then there IS A PROBLEM WITH HIM.
Be careful, take care.

GlindaofOz · Sep 11, 2007, 06:59 AM

I think he is looking at you for sex. Some guys prey on inexperienced girls with low self esteem and say whatever it takes in order to get them in bed. I would walk away from this guy and start working on yourself. When you feel horrible about yourself other people will pick up on that and people will treat you no better then you treat yourself. If you think you aren't good enough then people will treat you as if you are nothing. You need to work on building yourself esteem or else you will be taken advantage of.

Why do you feel so bad about yourself? Lots of people don't have proper relationships until they are in their late teens or early 20's. There is nothing wrong with that.

talaniman · Sep 11, 2007, 09:14 AM

I'm more worried about you being needy for attention, than I am about him being a player to be honest.

i want to get to know him better but i permanently feel anxious and scared inside.

Get to know him much, much better then, and be comfortable with yourself and him before diving in head first, whether he is a player or not. Go at your own pace, and leave the sex out of this equation. Your not ready for that at all, but have fun getting to know him. If he respects you, he will show you a good time and not pressure you into having sex. GO VERY SLOWLY!!

nicespringgirl · Sep 11, 2007, 10:10 AM

Lots of women say "all men are like this..blah,blah, blah...all they want is..."
They forget about because they also want the attention and they are willing to give that away.
So don't complain about the men if you are willing to fall for him (if he is a bad one).
When men say you are beautiful, treat it as a simple compilement. Simple like that, not worth of getting excited at all.
Many people survived being single and focus on the right thing.
Make friends that last life long and hang out with them if you are lonely.
Parents, how about asking them for advice? Many of the youth are not willing to listen to or respect parents' opinion nowadays. Have you talked to your parents about him?
Take care.

GlindaofOz · Sep 11, 2007, 11:05 AM

I agree with nicespringgirl. It you felt better about yourself you would not fall for anyone who pays you a proper compliment. Just because he tells you that you are beautiful doesn't mean that he has appropriate intentions of feelings towards you.

Any man who says that he will go slow then takes to you in detail about his sexual needs is not someone who will go slow. So you need to decide what your boundaries are and if you don't trust yourself to maintain those boundaries then you need to stay away from him

vonbur · Jun 2, 2008, 10:47 AM

RELAX!! Everyone is nervous about their first time. You do need to take it slow. If he's okay with that, that's great! My only advice to you is don't have sex unless you are ready. Take your time and don't be afraid to stay a virgin. If you are not comfortable having sex with him, maybe he is not the one you want to be your first. You don't have to have sex with everyone you date. You have a lifetime to have sex. The first thing you need to do is love yourself and be comfortable with your own body. If you aren't comfortable with yourself, you'll never be comfortable with anyone else.

OMG!! I didn't pay attention to when this question was posted. Anyway, if you do see this, girl don't stress, just be on to the next.