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jackie223 · Sep 7, 2007, 06:49 AM

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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 16
Husband don't work,, I have been married to a man for 19yrs he was in the united states navy for 9 yrs he was medcialy discharged on 0 percent, ever since then he was put on meds for depression, add, bipolar, the bottom line is he doesn't work,, he owns his own business he is a truck driver has his own truck could make a lot of money but refuses to get off his butt and work, his mother pays the rent and his older brother lives with us so he helps out when he can, I have 4 kids with him I have to go back to work here this week 40 to 45 hrs a week while he sits on his butt all day and dones nothing, I mean nothing he doesn't evn pick up a dish to wash it but he is the 1st at the table to eat.. my question is this, if there is a law when your divorce on paying child surport isn't there a law on paying when you live with them? My story is a long one,, he refuses to move out, plus he has nowhere to go cause he has no one to go to,, I am at the end of my rope with this situation

JohnSnownw · Sep 7, 2007, 06:57 AM

If what you are saying is that you are still married to him... There is no law pertaining to dead beat husbands.

jackie223 · Sep 7, 2007, 07:03 AM

So what your saying is as long as I am still married to him there's no law againist him not working? How do I kick him out? I would be the one to go, I have 4 kids I could pick up and move to brooklyn New York where my family is but I didn't want to do that to the kids and I feel like I am putting at on my family in ny

Dennis777 · Sep 7, 2007, 07:11 AM

Hello.

Im a little confused, it sounds like your asking, if you divorce him and let him stay in your home will the court make him pay child support. If he doesn't have any income and has a medical reason not to have an income then the court can't tell him to pay money he doesn't have or can't get.

It might not really be that he is a lazy jerk, it could be the Med's that have drooped his self worth to the point he doesn't care any more. Have you talked not only to his doctor but other doctors about him and the Med's and the amount of Med's he is taking.

If your at the point you need to get him out of the house and out of your life then do it. You have to look at what will make you and your kids happy.

Dennis777

JohnSnownw · Sep 7, 2007, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by jackie223

so what your saying is as long as iam still married to him theres no law againist him not working? how do i kick him out? i would be the one to go,,i have 4 kids i could pick up and move to brooklyn new york where my family is but i didnt want to do that to the kids and i feel like iam putting at on my family in ny

Yes, that is what I'm saying. As long as you are living together, and maybe while you're married, you will not be able to collect anything from him. Each state has it's own divorce laws. Here in Illinois, you must be separated for 6 months, before you can file for child-support. I cannot give you any advice on how to do it, other than contacting a lawyer. Perhaps someone else on the site has some information for you concerning that aspect.

Child-support info, for Illinois:

DivorceNet - Illinois General Divorce Information FAQ's

jackie223 · Sep 7, 2007, 07:17 AM

OK yes I have been talking to his doctors, but I am dealing with the va hospital, sometimes I can get him to go out the door and see the doctors but lately he hasn't even walk out the door, I told the dr I needed a letter for disabilaty stating his mental cond stops him from working, she says she can't do that because he is not "tring" to get better most of the time he refuses to go to the doctors for his check ups but how can I make him go if he won't leave the house?

Dennis777 · Sep 7, 2007, 07:45 AM

Hello

I know from experience many of the VA hospitals are over worked and under staffed so the time a doctor can take to adjust his Med's is slim to none. BUT there are some great doctors in the system and if you push a little you will find one that will help you help your husband.

Unless your husband has always been lazy and let others care for him then I would say his Med's have him to the point of not dealing with life so he doesn't see the need to do anything and if he does see it he will soon ignore that need because that's how he has learned to deal with the problems.

I know what your going through I went through this with a friend and she spent years with the ups and downs of the Med's before she finally got the right doctor and now she lives a full happy life.

Dennis777

jackie223 · Sep 7, 2007, 07:57 AM

Thank you, I might sound mean or selfish but I am sick of waitting for the right meds I am 40 yrs old and I feel like I am 60.. I know that he can't just be lazy who in their right mind wants to sleep all day and have their mother pay their bills? But I can't help but think he is milking it... I use to say it must be great being him,hell sleep all day everyone pay my bills but the more I think of it the more I say why would I want that? He lost all respect from his kids he lost the little bit of friends he had and the only reason his mother helps out with the bills is because of the kids... he also has his own business that when he goes to work can make anywhere between $250-400 a day that's a 7 hour day,, so yes there is something wrong in his head I just feel like I myself and the kids are losing our minds this has been going on way too long

ScottGem · Sep 7, 2007, 08:07 AM

Ok, the first thing you need to do is understand that there is NO law anywhere that will require a person to work. If they want to be indigent that is their right.

What your question SHOULD be is what can you do about this situation. Well you have several options In my opinion.

1) Have him lease the truck to another driver (or just hire another driver) so you can get some income from that.
2) You go back to work and get a good job and have him be a stay at home husband. Do the cleaning and cooking etc. There is nothing wrong with that arrangement if he is truly not physically able.
3) Get into counseling. He needs to learn why he no longer has any ambition. You need to control your resentment against him.
4) Go to an attorney and file for divorce. Then kick him out.

I would save 4) as a last resort, but if after you go to counseling and you can't get him to pull his own weight, then that would be the only thing left.

jackie223 · Sep 7, 2007, 09:11 AM

Thank you scottgem,, I already told him the truck needs to be leased out intill he gets himself together his answer is "ill be alright,,iam ging to work tomorrow" so yes I have tired counseling, and I start my job on Tuesday full time my kids will help me out with the household stuff we all know he won't,, I asked the question about my husband not working for a lot of reasons but the number 1 reason was I really wanted to know if anyone ever heard of this,, I am not just throwing in the towel it took a very long time of heartache, headache,, I am very upset with myself for holding on as long as I did I believe the kids are the one that suffer the most. Shame on me,, thank you for taking the time and answering my question,, and yes for the longest time I have been indigent but I think I woke up and smelled the coffee he is the only one that can help him,, its time for me to help the kids and myself to make a better life

ScottGem · Sep 7, 2007, 09:16 AM

You haven't been indigent. You were in love with him and your love and loyalty caused you to stick with him longer then was practical. But there comes a time when you need to cut your losses and move on.

Sounds like you have done everything humanly possible to keep things together. You can hold your head high as you move on without him, knowing you did so.