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mikehst · Sep 5, 2007, 08:26 PM

The girl I was with previously, I pretty much fell in love with and did so much for her only to be turned aside. I found out today that she has been scheming on my friend a day after she breaks up with me and I warned him not to deal with her. I think it would be wrong if I didn't at least WARN anybody who is thinking about messing with her about what she'll do to them. I thought her ex boyfriend was a bad guy. I found myself wrong. He was used the same way as me and now I can relate to him. Tell me what you think about these "warnings".

Hottrodder246 · Sep 5, 2007, 10:46 PM

I think it shows what a good guy u are and u don't want to see this girl hurt any other person. Trust me she is going to get what is coming to her, don't forget that!!

Wondergirl · Sep 5, 2007, 10:52 PM

But will others take you seriously or think you are "sour grapes"? Certainly other guys will think "I'm different and she won't do that with ME".

My advice is to NOT warn anyone. When you do, you are putting her down and making yourself look bad and used and weak. She may act differently with another guy, or may grow up and not scheme any longer.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 5, 2007, 10:53 PM

Don't let this girl run wild... if she really is a scheming type of girl... then let your friends know

Wondergirl · Sep 5, 2007, 10:56 PM

Warning others will not stop her. Warning other guys will not stop them from thinking she will be different with them. (In fact, they might be attracted to her because she sounds so wicked and delicious.) Warning others will hurt only you, not her.

americangayboy · Sep 5, 2007, 11:45 PM

I totally agree with wondergirl. It's not your place to warn her prospects.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2007, 05:39 AM

I think you need to get a grip, and leave her business alone, and get some yourself.

mikehst · Sep 6, 2007, 01:13 PM

Listen... I found that even when I was going out with her, she was hittign on my friend and she thinks that she's going to get with him right after. I can't let that happen to one of my buddies. I must warn them if you ask me because how much it hurts to see what she really can do to guys. IDC what anybody says in rejection because it is right to warn people, especially friends who respect you. After what she did to me, I can't help but keep her back and let her know that I won't let her do this. If they don't take me serious then let them do whatever they want. He'll her and she'll take everything from them and then leave herself. She did it to her ex, me and now she's trying to do it to a close friend and thinks I wouldn't find out about it. Just like all her lies. She didn't care if I found out, she'd just lie some more. After how much she messed with my head, I can't stand to see anyone else go through it. Sure enough it will happen anyway but I might as well try.

I don't see how you can say to NOT warn friends. I will not get on anyone's I'll just tell them straight up to be careful. She uses men like a pack of matches. It's sad to think there are so many like that out there. And my friend is the one who called me and told me about her hitting on me. That's loyalty and if she does the same thing to another guy after my warning, they'll realize how stupid they were and do the same thing.

Lowtax4eva · Sep 6, 2007, 01:18 PM

I agree that it makes you look bad, let your friends find out for themselves if they decide to see her. And whose to say they're going to try and start a real relationship, they might take your warning and decide she might be a "one night stand" kind of girl and go for her anyway.

Telling everyone you know that she was mean and broke your heart makes you seem weak, certainly talk to your closest friends about it but more distant friends will think it's weird you even bring it up. Just forget about her and don't make other people see you differently, everyone has bad breakups.

Ash123 · Sep 6, 2007, 01:44 PM

A man would just walk away to the next mountain to climb,
Not just run around the bottom of the mountain yelling at the clouds...

Move on. Unless a close friend is diving in to her tar pit, leave it alone.
And ride on to through the pass cowboy...

mikehst · Sep 6, 2007, 02:34 PM

That's what it is. I will not go to a person with a weakness. But at least if I tell them and they don't listen and they get f***ed, I can say " I told ya so" haha, so it will make them learn the lesson of a break up in a more short version. All they'll be able to say is" I didn't listen to her ex and I fell into the "tar pit trap" lol

Ash123 · Sep 6, 2007, 04:43 PM

I think you are doing it for the wrong reasons... Revenge/spite.

If it makes you feel better - great. But try to focus on yourself and not her.

She is occupying too much of your mind... and she's winning.

mikehst · Sep 6, 2007, 06:20 PM

No you're wrong. I am the kind of person who doesn't like to see people go through sh*t especially after I have been through so much in my life. If it is wrong to warn my friends of the bats in the cave then I don't know what to say. I'm not going to pass out frigging fliers for it. I'm just saying if she tries to ruin any of my friends, I will warn them of it before it becomes a possibility. I hate to see people get their hearts broken by girls. 1 person is a difference.

Dennis777 · Sep 6, 2007, 06:26 PM

Hello.

I know your trying to help other guys but what's going to happen is you will be the bad guy and for what?? If she is as good as it sounds the guys are going to fall for her and think with their lower heads anyway. They will think your hurt and that's why your talking bad about her. Just like you thought her ex was the bad guy and you found out that was wrong it was her. If a friend asks you about her then that's one thing but you can't try to tell others.

Once you break up walk away and don't look back.

Dennis777

CaptainRich · Sep 6, 2007, 07:01 PM

You're ranting, Mike.
And like all the others here, I agree, it's making you look bad.
Do you think if you warn the whole state what a loser you think she is, she won't find anybody and she'll come back to you?
Lick your wounds and move along...

Homegirl 50 · Sep 6, 2007, 07:06 PM

I think you need to keep your opinions to yourself. You'll be sounding like a sore loser. It's vengeful and childish. If she is such a bad person the other guys will find out. Stay out of her affairs

talaniman · Sep 7, 2007, 03:48 AM

Your lying to yourself, and everyone else, as to your motives and actions with this so called warning. She didn't do anything to you, that you didn't allow her to, so be ready to tell everyone the part you played, in this so called relationship. Let it go.

mikehst · Sep 7, 2007, 04:08 PM

Ah nobody gets it... there's more to it. She is so messed up because of her mom. Whenever she gets into a relationship where she really loves the person, her mom will always fk things up. I don't want the victim to be them. It turns out my friend just thought she liked him xD but he explained to me more today so I did that for nothing. I shouldn't really speak so soon because I learned more. I had it all wrong and you I know I'm stupid for that. She didn't use me. Instead coincidently her mother decided in her crazy head that she liked Idealya better without me. There was nobody to give her pride against her mom and her diminishing messages she sends out to her daughter(s). She works like a slave only to be abused and told she doesn't do anything by a crazy mother. Which leads me to say the hell with those who assumed things like "after that she'll come back to me" and I'm trying to look like a sore loser. This isn't my opinion, I know this after all the problems her Mom gave me. She never took a chance to know me or respect me with me and for that she is rotten. And a lot of people have my intentions all wrong. I should have never posted this question because this is one matter I can't explain the way I want it to be heard. I don't even agree with the first person to post on this question. She isn't the one who makes people victims of a bad relationship, but her mom's the one who is. I guess I should have warned them about the mom. I really am taking it off Idealya and putting on her mom. Her mom is not right, she has a mental problem called DID or APD. Anti social personality disorder, And she uses the daughters living in the house to get paid insurance money by the state. She sits on her lazy butt all day and yells at them telling them to do everything and when they do, they have no reward. Their reward is being degraded as humans and making them feel as if their lives are worthless.Imagine this day after day what it will do to a person's good mentality,it will spoil it. I took her and made her realize she wasn't worthless as well as her 2nd sister and the third sister contributes to "snitching" on them and leading them to do things that in the end, hurt other people. Neither of us wanted the relationship to end but it wasn't going to go anywhere now. If whenever she moves out of her house and is pursuing her own life, maybe I'll step back in. All I know is I took a bad thing and made it good and now I lose her. But knowing this I was able to get over the relationship quickly and people's support from internet to right in my local existence. I called her, told her I respected her decision and I was sorry for making her feel rotten for doing it. It was the right thing for both of us. I will still talk to her and I'm really happy about that. I have felt better than I have in months over this because I don't have this weight on my shoulders. She's still stuck in her mom and sisters control but I can't change it and neither can she. The good thing is now, she has an even higher incentive to do good and school and get a job and get the hell out of her house. I'm happy and the happiest I've been for 2 months. I'm glad I can still talk to her as the friend she always was to me. I didn't want to lose that so I think I have achieved nirvana : D. I don't have to feel sad over the break up. I don't want another relationship after all this and neither does she so I don't need to worry about her ending up with another scumbag who will demean her. There's things I can't change like the fact that I hate her smoking cigarettes. My whole family smokes them and I feel like I'm going to be the next victim. I asked her to "please not get addicted. I don't want to see another important person to me turn into a full blown nicotine addict. I'll have to let the fact that she does smoke slide. But I trust her smarts to not let her fall into dependency on it. And I was wrong about the ex boyfriend and I take dimly take back that statement. He really was a loser. I think I forgot what he did to her when I was in awe about the break up but I was confused as to why it happened. Now things are clearer than they've ever been. But to add to that, her ex boyfriend pretty much forced her into having sex and eventually one day she kept saying no and he made her anyway. He damaged her insides much like a serial rapist would do. Her sister (who is like a sister to me I might add) is the one who told me about this back when I started going out with her and as I spoke to her about it, Idealya(the poor girl ) ran inside the bathroom and vomited all over everything inside. She was out of commission for about 2 1/2 months and traumatized as well. I got way too ahead of myself in what I thought was the truth about this but only because I was never subject to learning what the problem really was at that time. It was when I just broke up with her that I wrote this original post. I was in a very angry, apathetic state of mind and just wanted to kill her. I'd like to hope people don't think I'm full of crap and give negative comments on this post. I don't care now because everything is the way it should be for me and my once-was girlfriend will make it through. Maybe, I don't know why I think this, but when she moves out on her own, I will end up back with her. I don't know but it feels that way. I might end up being the one of 3% of people who get back in a relationship with their ex partner. I will never go back to a relationship with her if she lives with her mom and that is that. She changed my life believe it or not. I used to have nothing to look forward to in my day so I smoked pot...She replaced that as soon as i went out with her and now I feel like I could NEVER go back to that crap. If it wasn't for her I'd still be stuck in the same position. It's been near half a yr and I haven't smoked and I feel a lot better without it. I feel like I can reach my academic potential a lot easier now. So I guess things are gonna go good for the most part. Hopefully, they do but I do not want to speak to critically of everything being good. I've learned in life that things change quick and almost nothing good will last forever. So the heeeeeell with it. Get up in the morning 1/4th awake and go to school,be with my friends, see my ex sing in class, come home to my homework, sleep and wake up to the next day. I feel happy now and inexorable and I hope I'm not too ahead of myself like i always am =P. Thx for everyone's support. I will always enjoy reading up people's problems on this site and helping them. I've already gotten comments saying that people with high reputation and long term members agree with or find my posts deep, thoughtful and able-to-be used advice for many people. See a lot of people who make comments are too straight out with saying just wait and you'll forget about it. People need to hear what they didn't see for themselves when these things happen and they need to be told something that will be deemed accurate and truthful but yet while respecting the fact that the human mind is sensitive and people need to be "babied" in order to feel better. Just leaving a post saying "oh you give it time and forget about it" doesn't help at all. I don't care how many critics disagree with me but the people who have been in bad relationships need to realize how the relationship wasn't worth it if it ended. No offense but people like talaniman do not try to understand how a single persons unique experience of a break up requires unique support and not being told to "Let it Go" because that makes you want to hold onto it even more. In my posts, I will explain how I feel about their problem, tell them what I think they should do to be at peace with themselves, and then explain to them how I can relate with their problem and my outcome.I know they will understand where I'm coming from because I know how they felt and I try to make things clearer for those who can't see for themselves. You don't need to be a relationship expert to give good advice. What you need is empathy and the ability to put yourself in that persons shoes and go through what they did. What I have seen is the bullsh*t that people spread and think they sound like they know what they are talking about. Like saying let it go without any support or examples of what to do to cope with it. Nobody that posts on this website would go this far to get their feelings out if they could just "let it go".I hate people who post things saying: it will get better if you just try to forget about it, I say they are all full of it because I see numerous posts saying that going on without their partner has only made them worse. My next post continues my "rant"

mikehst · Sep 7, 2007, 04:10 PM

And I need to shine light on this. Counselors, social workers, psychiatrists and all those people... let me tell you. I have hated them all my life. What they tell you is based on their self-centered belief and they never helped my problems. People I know who were heavy drug addicts, high school drop outs, spent half their life in prison, even murderers have better supported me than those people. You can tell a psychiatrist about it and they'll try to put you on drugs. Tell a counselor, they'll think you are harmful to yourself and your environment. If you tell a social worker they'll tell you the same sh*t talaniman, the "expert" would. You may have some luck with a psychologist because they use science in their explanations and are very full-of-wisdom, dynamic, well rounded people. But counselors and psychiatrists are in it and they get paid to tell you w/e they want you to think because they try to make people who don't have problems think they are sick because they can't comprehend what they are going through so they assume you are fked up and tell you all sorts of sh*t just so they can get paid. I've heard that about 17% of people in the U.S. correctional system who see psychiatrists (while serving sentences 10-20yrs) under restraint in prison end up feeling like they have no hope at ever being seen as a normal person by society and never being released. That is not what this statistic represents. It astonishingly represents the amount of these people who commit suicide because they feel like talking to a psychiatrist has dug their hole even deeper. My father is a credible lawyer who is the one who told me this. So I just want to tell all of you people that all these things I talk about are things I've thoroughly researched and have even experienced myself. So next time you're thinking about leaving an insensitive post on somebodies problem, why don't you just LET IT GO? Let the thought go and you'll save people the problem of feeling like they'll never be released from the pain they are in. When someone is grieving and you tell them to just forget about it, it will send them farther into depression. And just to prove how much of a smart a**ed teenager I am here's the seven stages of grieving: 1. Denial(isolates from people who don't understand)feeling that what their experiencing is "surreal" to them still. 2. Anger w/ self and with others and the deceased. 3. Bargaining to gain back what has been lost. #4(one of the two longest stages). DEPRESSION. Step #5. The 2nd longest step is acceptance for what happened. 6. forgive self, the helpers and the deceased. And the final and step you will always dwell on is MOVING ON. Now listen, people will move on and "let it go" but you need to realize that you can't just tell that to people when they are in the first step of denial. That's why you try to help them understand what has actually happened. Sorry talaniman but after all your negative commentary to me and probably thousands of other people, I'd have to say that as a dumb and so known to be reckless teenager, It made me want to punch you in the face for being so insensitive. Maybe you and others will realize how naïve you and them have been this whole time and change how they respond to people's problems or just quit altogether at trying to even help people if they realize that they do not have it in them to actually use this website for what it's for. Honestly to me, the internet is a last resort and not many people would come here if they weren't seriously, emotionally dented. For all those who agree give me a HOORAH! And those who disagree with all or part of what I say, please point it out to me so I can expand my mind to other's ideas. Thank you very much for all who have read all the way down to the nitty gritty. =)

Ash123 · Sep 7, 2007, 05:55 PM

Sorry for your pain.

Damaged people can leave us damaged and wanting to save them or get even. I have been there. I have warned people myself. But free will is a powerful thing and her scheming and her future relationships may not all be able to be prevented. But if it makes you feel better, try it and see if it ends your pain. You never know...

I would simply ask you to face down the reality of your relationship as it stands and look for ways to survive with other things than her on your mind. And how you can minimize her in your life.

I would say she is consuming your mind entirely - and your "warnings" are a way to keep your relationship alive... Tell as many people as you wish, but please know that the pain will only go when you achieve indifference and that takes discipline and time.