[solonely1201]

So my husband and I have been married for only 9 months, I am 6 months pregnant with our second child (we have a four year old together) and I have never felt more alone. He goes out to the bar, is involved in softball, bowling and plus hangs out with friends often outside of the house. I'm dying for companionship with my husband and some attention. Minus all of the pregnancy feelings on top of it all! I feel like a have a room mate not a husband. I joke with him all the time and tell him do you even realize that I'm pregnant. He doesn't help me around the house unless I beg him - and it's only little things like taking out the garbage, since it can be to heavy for me at times. I feel so alone I can't stand it any more. There have been several times where I have cryied my eyes out to him telling him that I really want some of his attention just a hug and a kiss or him holding me in bed. I get nothing except him being defensive. I'm so afraid that our married will end quickly if it continues like this. It's now been several days that we have barely said two words to each other. I find myself sleeping on the couch at night and him not even seeming to care. I do not know what I am supposed to do. I never saw this coming a year ago. I do not want our four year old to suffer from any of this. I try to put on a smile during the day but the minute my husband comes home, I break down. He used to call me through out the day, these days I get NOTHING from him. I would love for him to but some effort into asking me out for dinner or a movie, like the effort he puts into golfing or bowling or football. I'm so lost, my world has stopped and the only thing that keeps me going is my 4 year old. I feel so guilty for getting pregnant again. I just don't know what to do. In the past I have even suggested married counseling, he refuses and says that I can go by myself. He acts as though he does not want to put forth any type of effort to keep us going. But yet when I ask him if he wants us to end he says know, but a part of me believes he is not being honest. Please help I feel so lonely!!

[LearningAsIGo]

This is a difficult time and your husband is being selfish~don't beat yourself up over it though. He's a grown man and you can only do so much. If he won't go to counseling, perhaps you could go without him to show how serious you are. At the very least a counselor could give you some tips in dealing with his behavior and how to communicate with him. At least then you'll know YOU did everything you could to help your relationship.

[Marily]

I've been there, I begged, I cried, I smiled, the couch... everything.. wish I could give you some solid advice, the solution I found for myself might not be the solution that you are hoping for

[turky82]

I didn’t actually look at the date on your post etc. so I don’t know how long ago it was, but I know exactly how you feel. I’m almost in a similar situation. I’m 6 months pregnant right now and have been married for about 6.5 or 7 months. We’ve been together for about 6 years now. Got married and decided to have kids right away. We’re the first of our friends to get married and have kids which I have now learned really sucks.

I have been really lonely lately because everyone is always doing activities that I can’t get involved in since I’m pregnant. My husband does not seem to realize that he has been really selfish. He sounds very much like your husband. He works all day ( he still texts me during the day occasionally, and I’m always worried that, that one thing I have with him will eventually stop) so I’m home cleaning and cooking and walking the dogs. (I’m sure in his head he’s thinking you get to stay home and relax and spend time with the dogs yadi yadi ya… but it’s not like I enjoy doing these things every day all day.

Then he gets home and usually goes to play basketball. One the weekends when I’m REALLY DYING to spend some quality time with him he ends up getting more basketball or football together or something that I end up not being able to do then he gets home and is tired when I’ve been home doing the same thing I do every day.. . Because I don’t know what else to do.

It just sucks we live minutes from his family and in a town he went ot high school in so he has friends. I don’t know anyone and the one weekend after say 2 months of not seeing my family we plan to go down his first reaction is…
What time are we going there, when will we be leaving, what are we going to be doing where are we going to be sleeping blablabla and he’s worried about missing sports games on t.v. or having to stay there more than one night. The only time I feel included and not lonely is when I’m with my family which is not very often.

Anyway I could go on forever. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. Sorry I don’t know how to fix the problem other than talking to the men in our lives but that doesn’t seem to work… it seems impossible for them to understand what it feels like to be pregnant and emotional and tired and lonely and us pregnant women are just over reacting.

Then if we say anything to them we’re nagging wives that have their husbands “whipped” it’s just been a REALLY hard transition for me. The good thing is he is into the pregnancy and is really excited… he just doesn’t understand that it sucks to be pregnant and I’m lonely.. . And I miss being the couple we were before we graduated college. I miss shooting hoops, playing football, working out, going to movies, going out on dates, all the fun things we did together. It seems like now I am just a pregnant maid who sits home waiting to get a hug and a kiss just so I can serve dinner and sit by his side while he catches up on the sports that I recorded for him that day at his request.

[minimoo]

Mine is a similar story except worse. My husband and I were seeing each other for 7 years and only ever wanted to get married if it wasn't for his family always making it difficult. We finally got married and a month into the marriage I'm pregnant as we planned and him and his family have thrown me out of the home. I'm only 27 and had a great future ahead as I have an excellent job and I'm good looking and easy going. Now I'm just lonely carrying a child knowing that his or her father has no interest in them. I will have to be both the father and mother. No man will want to marry me... no matter how good looking I am or rich I am. One look at the child and they'll run a mile. The lesson I learnt. Love is blind. Men ruin lives!! But life must go on... we're only all going to die at the end of it. I'm Muslim so it makes it easier for me to get comfort in knowing that there is a life after death.

[Novel]

Maybe its too late to respond to this thread or these types of incidents happens every five seconds everywhere. I am very tired dealing with this everyday One morning he comes out as understanding husband/lover & next morning he goes into his cold mood. I am not working now, used to and then made good money. He works hard and we both have good taste of living. But now I see myself reasoning for everything.I am tired especially very lonely as 2 of my 3 sisters are not talking to me over property inheritance. Such an important thing in my life(pregnancy) and being part of a big family, I cry all the time hearing their nasty comments they make to my mom over me. In my mind I know my husband is not happy with me and blame himself for marrying in to such a family.Now very rarely I express my cravings for certain food , his immediate response is a no or you come with me, or go by yourself. 16 weeks into pregnancy I am diagnosed as underweight and also blessed with insomnia.I am unusually tired to move around with my belly(big for my frame) but I emerge as a complaining woman to my hus. His rationale is so you are pregnant, so was my mom and sis.. what's the big deal?One thing I realized is unless you make your own money, you won't be respected by any especially your spouse.On other hand he looses money on stock which all come out as risk of investing. I shop for my baby and m so careful, I end up not selecting any if it goes above 5$ for a dress. I am being constantly reminded that we live in an expensive city and 2 need to work to maintain decent standard of living. I am trying hard but all in failure as recession is so deep.Wish I had my family to talk to, but they feel I am the luckiest as I don't advertise my problems to them and now don't talk to me at all. We both want this baby but he never understands he is my only family I have. I crave for a hug, kiss or a small massage without asking for it. I wish we could talk about our baby without him reminding me he needs some time for himself.He updates me of all the things that is going around wrong in our life, still expects me to be happy and not depressed... I am so worried..

After writing this I somehow feel relieved as if you guys are listening to me.. thanks to this space,people like me survive