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venus772 · Sep 3, 2007, 11:05 AM

Hello, I am a female who has this huge problem with my mil. She has said the meanest comments to me. Like once I showed her a picture of me and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is, ***** hair is longer than your hair. Which isn't true at all. She seems to have this issue about hair so much I can never understand her at all. For the record I do have really long hair. I am mixed with Indian. My mil is full African American. She has no trace of resembling any mixed race at all. She once blurted out that my son had hair like hers, which again is untrue. I never seem to make any comment about it at all. I need the best advice there is in this situation. I need as many comments on this subject as to why she says these things to me. I am very quiet and mature. I don't see myself as all that. My self- esteem has been brought down. I feel hurt and angry with her. I am always called beautiful but since my mil has hurt me this bad I feel so ugly inside. I know that no one should make you feel that low at all. They are not worth the time. Please all comments are welcomed and appreciated! She compared my hair to her own daughter and her daughter hair is shorter than mines. Why would she say something that is untrue? Now she brags to her best friend how long and pretty my hair is! What is up with this fool woman?

startover22 · Sep 3, 2007, 11:54 AM

She may just need help with making better conversation. She might be the uncomfotable type. Have you talked to your husband about this? Does he think she is as silly as this all sounds?

Picassa · Sep 5, 2007, 08:02 AM

I had the same issue with my MIL, and was hurt and frustrated with her for two years. Nothing I did was ever right, and she was always giving little pieces of advice to me as if I would never in a million years have come up with the idea myself. Frankly, I think it's just that this is how she has always been around everyone. Since I was new in the family, I just wasn't used to her behavior. Could this be the issue with your MIL?

It sounds like your hair is really beautiful, and maybe something she admires. Just know that she is the way she is because of her own life experiences, and don't EVER take anything she says to you personally. Try to put aside your hurt feelings. Choose to see it as her trying to find something to talk to you about. Do you have anything in common or does she have a skill you could learn from? When I started asking my MIL for recipes, she stopped feeling the need to give all of her "advice." I think she just wanted to feel appreciated, and know I recognized her talents. Occasionally an advice comment still slips through (after nearly 20 years), and I am very practiced in just smiling and saying absolutely nothing in response to it.

oneguyinohio · Dec 31, 2007, 12:56 AM

Is she a hair dresser? Seems like that is a big focus in the posts? I'm wondering what the big hairy deal is?

As far as if what she says is mean, I wouldn't take it that way... by saying that the child's hair was like hers, she was accepting the child as part of her.

Do you have a lot of vanity or pride in your hair or how it sets you apart? Find some other areas in life to build yourself esteem on, such as how you raise your kids, or other accomplishments... get some hobbies that you can be proud of. Do your best at them, and be proud because you did, not because of what others say.

losyang168 · Feb 23, 2008, 05:12 PM

From my past experience, my ex-MIL never appreciate what I had done good things for them. So ignore her.

You are not the only one who have problem with MIL. I fully understand your feeling, just take care of yourself and be happy.

N0help4u · Feb 24, 2008, 08:27 PM

She is jealous and possibly wants to create in her mind that you are not good enough for her son. She probably has insecurity issues and sees yourself assuredness as some sort of threat.
Wear your hair up and under a hat when you go around her and see how she reacts to you then.
I have know a lot of people that like to compare. All the time comparing it is like they are trying to convince everybody even though it is clearly not so.
Ignore her ways, its just the way she is and really nothing to do with you.