[Maranatha]

I’m responding to those of you who are grandparents but are not given the opportunity to spend quality time with their grandchildren. Two years ago my granddaughter was born into our wonderful family. She is such a blessing to us! My son and daughter-in-law are terrific parents! I struggle greatly with the fact that in the past two years I have not been given the opportunity to have quality time with my granddaughter, though I have offered to baby-sit if they needed to run to the store, get things done or go out for an evening. I know and understand the close relationship between mothers and daughters and know that it is normal for my daughter-in-law to want her mother to be primary in having my granddaughter, but I am so hurt that not even once have they given me time with her. We (my two sons and their wives and my granddaughter) have family night here at my home. After dinner my granddaughter and I have fun together for a few hours but an hour or two goes very quickly and I feel like my daughter-in-law is observing everything I do. After much prayer for God’s direction, I asked my son and daughter-in-law if we could talk. My son allowed his wife to present her thoughts which were those of insecurity for anyone else watching my granddaughter except her mother. I am 59 and her parents are late 40’s. I am not a competitive person and do not want to be a wedge between my son and his wife. Does this mean acceptance is the only answer? I cannot tell you how painful this is to have never bonded with this wonderful baby. I feel grandparents are an essential part of the family unit. I long to talk with her and walk in the flower gardens, looking at butterflies, birds and making blanket tents and dressing up our kitties in doll clothes. Kids do not need a lot of “things” to make them well rounded but unconditional love and attention is the glue that holds families together. I see many young families trying so hard to entertain their little ones 24/7 and they are worn out and weary. There isn’t enough time to stop and smell the roses and that is where grandparents can step in. Thanks for listening all of you grandparents that feel my pain.

[ScottGem]

I think you need an intermediary here. Do your son and DIL go to the same house of worship as you? Maybe you can get a clergyman to help her understand how she is hurting you. Maybe you can talk to her mother to intercede on your behalf.

But, other than trying to convince her, there is little more you can do. While some states do recognize grandparent rights, I don't think you want to go to court to enforce them. Maybe as the child gets older and more independent, she will loosen the apron strings and allow her to spend more time with you.