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    aderhart's Avatar
    aderhart Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 31, 2007, 07:01 PM
    I think messed up.how do I get him back
    I've been seeing this guy on and off for 3 years now. At first it was more of a physical relationship, but as we spent more time with each other we started getting closer and closer. About 4 moths ago we started talking after being apart for about 3-4 months.
    This last time things were very different... we both wanted each other in a different way... it felt like a brand new relationship, we were both amazed at how much we were getting along and how much fun we were having together... unlike before. We felt like two different people. I felt like I had met him for the first time. Ne-way to celebrate us getting together he took me to vegas... had a great time,I felt like the trip got us even closer.. I was on cloud nine. We got back and for a few months we were doing surprisingly well until we started having little arguments about stupid things like calling if your going to be late.. or not answering the phone(I'm sensative about that)
    Ne-way things started getting a little more intense and for the last 3 weeks we argued every day... partly my fault because I needed more attention from him than he was able to give me latley.. but his mistake was that he would not clearly commnicate with me and tell me what was going on with him. So here's where I messed up... I started arguing with him and constantly nagging about things that were bugging me... all because I wanted to be with him and see him but he had things to do and that he would see me afterwards which was just not acceptabloe for me... I was overly sensative for no reason.. and I knew he didn't want to see me because he knew something was going to go down again.. I kept on pushing him for time and attention and the more I did the more I felt like he pulled away.. but for some reason I could not stop... I was drained and I know I was draining him 2. Despite all that, he planned a disneyland trip for us... we spent all day together,had fun, and he said "i hope ur in this for the long run" he also communicates with me via songs... we play songs that say what we feel... I guess we have communication issues. After that day we spoke on the phone but when I would say I wanted us to do something together at night he would say, I can't, got plans... so on Saturday he frustrated me so much that I told him I had had enough and that I did not want to be on the back burner in his life.. so I said I don't want to do this anymore. He hung up and the next day I called him to explain myself since that was not what I really wanted.. I told him that I loved him and was tired of fighting and that all I asked was for us to go backl to the way we were before... he just blew up at me.. he said he had tried so many times with me and that he had given up... he also said things he shouldn't have said.. he sounded like he didn't want to work it out anymore.. and that crushed me... I didn't want to loose him. So after not talking for a few days I text him appologizing for arguing with him so much and told him that I was having family issues and I had unintentionally spilled all my frustrations on him. He never responded to my text.
    I know he cares about me, we have known each other for so long and have gone through so much that we always end up coming back to each other... but since this time we got together on a different level.. I feel like he might have given up on me... what do I do.. I want him back
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Aug 31, 2007, 08:01 PM
    partly my fault because I needed more attention from him than he was able to give me latley.. but his mistake was that he would not clearly commnicate with me and tell me what was going on with him.
    Between your pushing for more, and his not communicating to you, you have both messd this up. Leave him alone and work on your issues, as there are very few things more unattractive than a pushy, needy G/f. You need to give him space to make up his own mind, without pressure from you at all. This relationship will not work until the personal issues are solved. Sorry for your loss.
    statictable's Avatar
    statictable Posts: 436, Reputation: 34
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    #3

    Aug 31, 2007, 09:08 PM
    You painted a lovely picture of 2 people growing and finding new treasures in each other; perfect. What is all this other STUFF? Why we do things to short circuit a growing relationship is very hard to figure but it's no stranger to most of us. Perhaps when a person "gets a life" they are able to dilute the personal STUFF from moment to moment, day to day which gives a partner some fresh air and this in itself will reward you daily. Think about it, do you want to look at pictures of Disney World or do you want to live there?
    aderhart's Avatar
    aderhart Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 4, 2007, 11:01 AM
    Thanks for your responses! I agree with you guys.. I am usually not the pushy type. I got a lot going on for myself so I do not just depend on his attention, it's just that things were a little crazy for me latley and I needed him there, everythime I tried to make him understand that, somehow it would turn into an argument and I would come out loking like I was being pushy. I went to vegas this weekend with friends, had fun but ended up messn up by texting and calling him. I called.. he picked up.. we spoke for as minute and we hung up.. I then I text him saying I was playing the roulette and remembered him. I also asked to see if he wanted to do lunch or dinner the next day. He didn't answer my texts but called me last night at 10.. I didn't pick up since it was already too late for lunch or dinner.
    I know he will come around again but I am afraid that distance will make other things happen in our lives, particularly with him ( out of anger or need... like hooking up with other women) and then everything will really be over because I know I will not be able to get passt that. Ne-way.. I guess time will tell all
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Sep 4, 2007, 12:59 PM
    I hope you use caution, and restraint, and not assume what he does because of your emotions, but rather, communicate your feelings in a way he can listen, and express himself. Distance requires more patients and communication than most relationships. Take a moment to think before you go into an emotional tangent, and you can move beyond this misunderstanding.

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