[terminator05]

I wasn't sure where else to post this, but anyway I know the title seems a little dramatic, but I seriously think my mom WANTS to see me and my girlfriend break up. When we started going out, my mom didn't really introduce her self that much, but she was kind about it. I had to introduce her to my mom, and my mom simply said "oh, hi" with one of those tones. When I introduced her to my dad, he was glad I had girlfriend, he was real nice and everything, he got talking to her, asking her questions and everything.

Then, when we broke up about six months ago, my dad sympathised with me, but my mom simply "well, thats a shame" and had somewhat of a 'hidden smirk' on her face.

We then got back together about a month later, and are still going out now, but when we got back together and I told my mom she said "really?" but she said it like she wanted to say "why waste your time?" When my girlfriend moved in with me, well, I don't even want to go into details as to how my mom reacted, but to put everything mildly (and appropriate to post) she said "I hope you know what yor doing, don't go messing up your life the way ---- did" (I rather not put my closest friends name in)

To top everything off, I hear from my girlfriend that my mom is talking bad about me to her. When I'm not around, she'll ask things like "So, have you seen his violent tempers yet?", or personal questions like "you guys aren't 'doing it' are you? I don't need any grandchildren"

I'v tried talking to her before, but she denies ever saying things like that, and she blame my girlfriend, she says she's lying to me to test me. I know that isn't true, caue of a couple things: 1. I know how my mom is, those are questions she wouold be low enough to ask, and 2. my girlfriend has never lied to me about stuff when it comes to my parents.

I at the point where I am ready to tell my girlfriend I don't want her talking to my mom IF I am not around, but I don't want to do that, cause I gues other than those questions, she likes talking to her. I am really at the end of my rope and don't know what to do about my mom, any advice?

By the way, I am 22, and my girlfriend is 21, just in case y'all thought my mom was doing this because of our age.

[Gregisteredtrademark]

Oh mom just doesn't want to let go of her baby. She feels that this girl is threatening her relationship with you, because it is getting somewhat serious. Make sure you show your mom some love just because. Take her out on a dinner date, just you and mom. Oh yeah and make sure you treat and don't talk about your GF. It will go a long way to ease things. If it still persists then you need to have that I am not a baby anymore talk. But on the flip side mom's have that sixth sense about them. My mom never liked my girlfriend and later my wife. Sure enough eight years later I didn't like her either. My mom stopped just short of saying I told you so. I think it is just that she cares. That's my two cents, I have no degrees in this, only life experiences. Good luck bro.

[terminator05]

That's just the thing, me and my mom have never really gotten along, even before I started dating, so if I were to treat her to dinner, knowing her I'd end up in one of the white coats headed to a padded room. (just a little humor no serious)

[christy9800]

I understand where you're coming from. When I first met my 'first love', there was 7 years between us. I was 16 and he was 23. We dated on and off for 10 years. When I turned 20, I got pregnant w/his child and then we married about 1 month after my son was born. He was living w/his mom at the time as well. We moved in w/his family and it truly was HELL ON EARTH!! She would do the same things to my husband and I just like what your mother is doing w/you guys. Anyway, after our wedding, she took my sister out to the church parking lot and told her that "that b--ch is gonna make him go bankrupt! Then, when I confronted her about it, she says "I never said that!" If I wouldn't had made my husband move out of that house w/us, we would've been divorced a lot earlier! Btw, we divorced almost 2 years ago. So, I feel you! I know exactly what your going through. Are you the only child? Do the both of you live under her roof?

[talaniman]

Mothers can be very protective, when it comes to their children. Of course we as children never listen do we??

[terminator05]

True talaniman, but also to put some in put on what christy was saying, I have my own apaprtment, I have an older brother who is now single, he and his girlfriend broke up (had nothing to do with my mom) and a younger sister who I know is their little *&%$@&$ princess! Even though she is 15 going on 16, and they let her get away with so much **** that I never got away with. Any way, no I don't live uner my parents roof.

[Chery]

I would plan those 'family get-togethers' on neutral territory and keep them at a minimum.

There is a bit of 'heated emotion' between you and your mother and the more distance you get the better off you'll be.

It is unfortunate that some mothers favor one child above another, or even have an unexplainable grudge against one child, but it should not be your problem - let it remain hers and live and enjoy your life.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[christy9800]

Well in that case, I would put your foot down to your mother and tell her to back off! You are an adult and if she doesn't agree w/your decisions in life, than, back off!! Because trust me, she likes the attention that she gets from the both of you. And the age difference between you and your girlfriend, and me and my ex-husband doesn't make any difference. She (his mother) still made it difficult for the both of us to be together. Even AFTER we moved out.

[tawnynkids]

You really need to set clear boundaries. Period! If you don't marry this girl it will likely just happen with the next one as well. You need to sit mom down and say this is not acceptable and I would like you to stop. Doesn't really matter if she admits what she has done or denies it. She just needs to clearly understand that it will not be allowed to continue. Your girlfriend needs to tell mom I would appreciate it if you would not make any comments to me about your son. If mom can not comply then you need to decide exactly what kind of situations and contacts you will continue to allow yourself/girlfriend to be in with mom. What you will not accept needs to be clear and what will happen if it doesn't change also needs to be clear to mom. Sometimes we just need to set the boundaries in a loving way to keep others from being intrusive and harmful. Good luck!

[startover22]

I say you go on without going around your mother, when she sees how this could turn out, maybe she will change her tune. Setting boundries is a wonderful idea, it is very hard to do but you are just going to have to. Good luck sweet.