[illusion48]

[I]Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. [I]

Wonderful post! I just broke out a month ego from my longdistance relationship. I thought if I do it and not him, it will be easier for me. But No, not really I still think of him a lot, but No contact at all! Doesn't matter who makes the first step and breaks up it is still very painful.
Since then I everyday beat myself up, what and how I did ''my break up'', but that time I could not do better. But after reading this post I have to forgive myself and be happy that I did it and not to concentrate on how...

[natureday]

Thanks for writing that! I have something to add.
When I was in such despair because my husband was breaking up with me and leaving me with a baby in my belly- I was so sad.
I found something that helped me out A lot!
Close your eyes.
Think of him and you as you both are connected with thick ropes.
See how you are connected together- attatched.
Then cut those ropes with an ax - It will make you free, it will make you happier, and then get ready for freedom. If they really want to come back to you, they will instantly feel the discord of you cutting the cord sort of speak- then they will come back. If not then you are free.

[Maggie83]

No contact is really tough, you have to fight yourself everyday not to go back and ask to try again I wished I could go back and stop this whole situation from happening but I cant. It's a difficult one there's a lot of emotions flying around and its so confusing I have left my ex alone and haven't contacted her, she has contacted me with a text (not about us) so I've ignored it just all of my emotions have came flooding back since she did it and even though I've been 3 weeks n/c I'm feel like I'm back at day 1!

[Tical00]

Wow, reading this actually helped the pain, the hurt I'm feeling. Thank you!!

[OverDozed]

Thanks for writing that! I have something to add.
When I was in such despair because my husband was breaking up with me and leaving me with a baby in my belly- I was so sad.
I found something that helped me out A lot!!
Close your eyes.
Think of him and you as you both are connected with thick ropes.
See how you are connected together- attatched.
Then cut those ropes with an ax - It will make you free, it will make you happier, and then get ready for freedom. If they really want to come back to you, they will instantly feel the discord of you cutting the cord sort of speak- then they will come back. If not then you are free.

*smiles*

Nice!

[interinfinity]

Breaking up sucks! But its usually for the best

[OverDozed]

For the best or for the beast?
*sobs*

[neriv]

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!

Wow thanks i reallly needed that
I been doubt full myself right now thanks
Life will get better
Thanks 's really thanks a lot :)

[sovaira]

Hay when u get dumped,





ITS GREAT, BECAUSE YOU ARE SINGLE AGAIN, AND YOU GOT ANOTHER CHANCE TO FUN AROUND, u know what I mean... lolz

[puttuna]

Though I Have never experienced it,

Thanks for the post.

[Delow84]

This one post probably has helped me so much that I could not put it into words. Great post.

[harmony08]

Just WOW

[Truelyjaded]

I laughed, cried and laughed some more... BRAVO

[dana21]

Wow... JUST letting you know.. this was wonderful n written beautifully.. it helps... it really does.

[snow patroll]

Brilliant, top of the line post...
You got it all here, just about EVERYTHING I went through

... Adios :)

[crushed822]

Im one month in... and I've never cried over a girl I've never tried to win a girl back... but This girl is something else... I feel like crying at the drop of a dime... Im on my third day of "no contact" and its driving me crazy... I seen her come online and I want to send her a message... I even type it out but my mouse finds the red x instead of the send button (which I'm very thankful for having the strength to do so)... I know it will be a long hard road to travel...

I know now what it takes... and even though I'm very slowly moving on to heal... if she were to ask for anything of me... I know I wouldn't be able to resist... and that's the sad part... Because I still whole heartedly would do anything for this girl...

[german1096]

Wo your post is right, I've been through this before and I have always managed to find something better...

[OverDozed]

Cry! Noh!

*smiles*

[lacuran8626]

I love this post. Hilarious. I can really relate to the part where people act nuts right after the breakup. I had a particularly embarrassing moment during my divorce. I had an innocent crush on a friend of my husband's years before we were married, and didn't even know they knew each other until well after the marriage. We all ended up reconnecting and being good friends, and I continued to think he was a great catch and hoped he would find Mrs. Wonderful, though I was happy in my marriage and no longer had personal feelings for him.

When my husband walked out and I was caught totally by surprise, I had all kinds of confused emotions including an ill-informed desire to date this guy. Of course he was totally wrong for me and wasn't interested anyway, but I was too stupid to see it and ended up spilling my guts to him, while crying, and scaring the crap out of him because he had no idea what to do to comfort his buddy's former wife who was crying! He walked me to my car and gave me a hug, only it gets worse.

I had been in an accident that week and had a rental car, and when I got in the car, realized it was not my rental car! With him standing by the window, which was open, I had to say, "Hm. Excuse me. Wrong car." I got in the rental car, and drove off. I've never seen the guy since and it's been years!

At the time, I was so embarrassed I would have done anything to fix things but now I just think it's hilarious. Time does heal most wounds!

[friend4u178]

Nice story lacuran :-)