[stressedout43]

My GF broke up with me 3 months ago. We were together for 4.5 yrs. She started to date someone else. However we have talked or hung out almost everyday since the break. She know that I want to be with her and love her very much. We totally are best friends. She says that I'm her (HOME) but I have to let her figure out what she wants. Our relationship did have it's hard times but our connection is still totally solid. I know in my heart that it is me that she loves but I'm feeling needy and pushing her to make decision. We are trying No Contact again right now. Please some one help me get my groove back. I need to pull this off and find the direction that we are going. How can I show her that I'm the ONE all over again?

[stressedout43]

I know that this is just another breakup story. But I'm 36 and feel ready to spend my life with her. She loves me and neither of can seem to even imagine it being over. But it's just hard to beat out the (new Guy) when they have not experienced any problems yet. She still relies on me for all of the important things. Please help me get my life back together. I need some advice.

[vjsmom]

It sounds like she really needs to do some soul searching... She is stringing you along while she goes out and has fun with whoever and that's not cool... U could just sit back and wait or go out date other people and if its meant to be then it will... ;)

[flower2234]

You shouldn't have to prove you are the one, it should happen naturally.

[kp2171]

Well right now you are her girlfriend.

She broke up with you. She's probably been thinking about it for some time, and now you are her shoulder when she's feeling unsure.

Look... I did the same thing. Dated for almost 7 years... broke it off cause she wanted to date another... thought "being there" would be the answer. B.S. it basically meant she had the luxury of easing into another relationship while still getting the security of the old.

You don't want her to maybe want to be with you. You want her to want to be with you. And she's got some work to do before you should even consider taking her back. Prove yourself? Wrong direction, friend. She's the one who needs to work it out and she's the one that should be proving to you that her love is true. If she's not willing to do that, well, then it isn't, right?

So... like it or not that means you need to enforce the breakup. no... its not what you want in the long run. Guess what? Unless you do this you are just KIDDING YOURSELF. She broke it off... needs to see what its like to live without you. I mean really feel what its like.

And unfortunately that means you also need to not spend every second wondering about her. It'll not be easy. It'll suck. Guess what again... IT ALREADY SUCKS! You just are trying to do an in-between thing that hides the truth.

The truth might be shell come back. Or she won't. But you will never, ever get there anytime soon by hanging out, supporting her, and being her girlfriend. Period.

I wasted almost a year in that limbo stage... where being the "good guy" would win the girl back. All it did, as I said, is mask the pain of being without me... would she have come back if I had cut ties? Don't know. Don't care. I surely would not have wallowed in the misery and noise of being the "good guy" who kept getting kicked in the teeth.

So... only you can decide what to do. Yo want it back. We get it. The ONLY way to really know is to force her hand and make her understand what its like without you. Maybe shell decide its acceptable. Maybe shell decide it was a huge mistake.

But for the most part, I think you are doing both of you a disservice. Be YOUR friend first.

[Jiser]

Hey you really need to get yourself out of this situation for a while to get your head back together! I would stop contacting her. She made her bed so let her lie in it!

It hurts like a biatch but you must have been through many breakups already in your life and you probably know you will get over it one day. So keep busy and move your life onwards with no contact!

[stressedout43]

Thanks for the support. I know that you all are right, however it is so difficult to feel disconnected to her right now. I feel as though she is living two lives and I have no choice other than to remove myself but it's F... n hard. Does anyone have any experience with this can I turn the tables and become the Man again? I know that she has to prove she could be trustworthy again but I'm afraid that until I figure out how to play the game a little better Im just not even a choice. I need to get my balls back!

[mckenzie134]

I know that this is just another breakup story. But I'm 36 and feel ready to spend my life with her. She loves me and neither of can seem to even imagine it being over. But it's just hard to beat out the (new Guy) when they have not experienced any problems yet. She still relies on me for all of the important things. Please help me get my life back together. I need some advice.

You need toi put a helmet on your head cause your banging your head to hard a gainst a brick WALL!!

You said SHE LOVES ME!! NO SHE Doesn't!!

You said Neither of us can imagine it being over!! She's with another guy its OVER!!


If she wanted you she would not be with the new guy, but your judgement is clouded and you cannot think straight at this point!! SHE HAS ANOTHER GUY SHE DOES NOT NEED YOU OR WANT YOU BUT IS KEEPING YOU JUST IN CASE IT doesn't work with him!!


Now mate Im sorry to say but if you look at it this way which I'm going to show you then you will get it...

You are standing there with this other guy SHE has a choice between you and him She has chosen HIM nothing more simpler than that!!

You are the new girl friend the one who she can cry to when everything is not going right!!

This new guy he is the man he is the one with her pants around her ankles and you are now wearing a SKIRT!!

So you better get your crap together and get some balls cause the only way your getting this girl to wake up is to totally disappear!! You probably won't do this but you must NEVER contact her or else you can stay being the new girl friend wearing the [panties!


Get serious mate she wants a guy who doesn't care, you care too much show her you arnt taking this crap your out of there... DONT let her lean on you!! DO NOT SPEAK TO HER SHE HAS ANOTHER GUY!! PLEASE WAKE UP!! NOT BEING MEAN!!

Just look at what is going on here and you may still get her back!! Maybe she is confused I doubt it she is just stringing you ALONG!!

I belted my head against the wall for a long time and she even cried to me saying I Won't STRING YOU ALONG!! This went on for 2 months and you know ewhat she did string me ALONG!!

Best solution is always cut all ties and leave if she realises she made a mistake well she sure KNows your number...

And don't think cause she calls she wants you back!! NONONOON

Don't answer in Hope wait for a message saying I WANT YOU!!

EASY!!

[stressedout43]

Mckensie134 You are right. I need to just be a regular guy again. See in our relationship I was the MAN and her what you would call"girlfriend". We like to cook and garden drink wine and chit-chat about stuff. We really are bestfriends. However maybe the male/female tension got lost somehow. We have tried this no contact before and it has not gone past three days. But this time we said that we'd try 2 weeks. I need to not give in! I have to show her that I'm wearing the pants here not her. I will not be PLAYED... Thank you, and the more advice and hints that come from you all out there in cyber-world the better. I have 2 weeks to shift my additude and regain some of my lost power.

[GlindaofOz]

Remember this. When a relationship ends and the person says they want to be friends everyone in this entire world should say NO. Why? Because there are two options for that person. 1) To have all of you as a boyfriend or girlfriend 2) To never see you again. That's it. They either take all of you or they get none.

You will never be able to move on, get over her and heal with her in your life 24/7. Most of us on here have had a similar situation. I tried being friends with my ex it just didn't work I was holding out false hope. He told me we could try again and that feelings were still there BUT he had a new girlfriend. It took me WAY longer then it should have to get over him.

No contact is hard, its dead hard but its worth it. If you can get past 2 weeks try another 2 weeks. If you can get through 30 days try another 30 days.

Read Ash's survival guide (below):

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=Ash123

This will help immensely. Of course anytime you are FREAKING OUT we are all here. We're like your 24/7 support group. You will more then likely get some super tough love but trust that it will help

[stressedout43]

Glinda I'm originally from Jersey. I know that I do not want to just be friends with her. I also know that for her to see what she had I can not offer her any part of me right now. With that said, I do truly still believe that it is not over for us just yet. Even her sister said to me "all she ever says about him are complaints" and the rest of the time she talks about me. This I know doesn't mean s**t. However they do not seem to have half the connection that she and I have. I think by me still being there in the past I've been filling in all of the blanks for him. That is why I must try No Contact. It seems as if it is the only way to see where the truth really lies. Mostly I'm just trying to get some perspective on how to not be needy or push for more with her, and let things happen naturally with out feeling manic. I need to get my act together and just keep my cool.

[GlindaofOz]

Really? Awesome always love Jersey peeps!

I think you have the right attitude about it If its meant to be it will all work out and that's the best way to look at it. You are absolutely right. No contact gives you time to gain perspective so many people don't get that you can't see anything when you are in the thick of a breakup.

Why did you guys break up if you don't mind me asking?

[stressedout43]

Well, the relationship was still going good but the spark had faded for her. She finally admitted that she needed to date this guy. We live in a small town and this is a guy that she has known for a long time. It all started with. " I just need to see, so I don't want to wonder what if someday. So I don't know. I know that the two of us are really better suited for each other. But if the power of attraction does not fade soon I guess that will tell the story. Also please know that all three of us have kids, so it's not like some fairy tale. They are not spending every waking minute together and having sleep overs every night. Honestly I feel that, If I could show her that I'm pulling back and am not going to let her have the advantage anymore. Reality will set in for her and the CRUSH on him would fade. I need to get stronger and wipe the drool off my lip! Make her wonder a little because every time I pull back she comes closer.

[s_cianci]

Precisely by maintaining no contact and getting on with your life without her. Let her miss you and experience life without you. If she is to realize that you're the one, that's how it'll happen.

[stressedout43]

Thanks for all of your support. I actually am starting to feel like a guy again already. I knew that being her "girlfriend" crap was not for me. I'm a dude for cryinn' out loud. I have to keep up this new attitude and see where it takes me.

[kp2171]

Well, I'm great friends with my wife... but she also has girlfriends to lean on. You don't need to be distant and unwilling to be supportive in a relationship to be "the man", but I think its important for both people to have a healthy sense of self. The relationship is important, but you just can't be the glue holding it all together.

And when someone dumps you to "test the water"... you absolutely need to refocus on yourself. The goal here isn't to get her back... its to get yourself centered. If she needs to come back you'll both be better off.

In the meantime, it sucks rocks. No fun. But you know it's the right thing to do, whatever the outcome.

Being a butler or a girlfriend isn't what you have in mind.

[stressedout43]

kp2171 I'm only referring to pulling back as what I need to do now. I love being bestfriends with her. But I want to be the best friend that wakes up with her in the morning. Not just calls me six times a day but can date someone else. I'm starting to feel more grounded again.

[MyLife777]

Yeah this makes a lot of sense to me since my wife won't let go of her ex boyfriend / fiancé and just continues to use him - I have been told - like a biatch to have someone to lean on and cry to when things aren't going well. Don't be played. Maybe if my wife's EX ever read this he would get it through his head she chose ME not HIM. He is lurking unable to move on and you know what ? Its pathetic looking at it from a 3rd person point of view. Move on! If its meant to be then yep - she sure knows your number! She right now has the safety blanket of you and her new boyfriend. Don't give her that for a while - go out and spend time with other girls and connect with someone. Don't live in the past!

[Sbhaxu]

Your story is sad like mine but to tell you, the truth is taking someone back who has cheated on you or try to make some sacrifice to a relationship for someone just because you love him/her is not right I know it. It is hard for you to think that you can leave without her I know but it is so possible, just try it would be hard but you can do it, what am going to say can sound crazy but I want you to try it.

When you think of calling her, take a picture of her I want you to look at it maybe for 15 minutes keep on looking at it and check your phone if you have any missed calls or receive calls from her and if there are no calls from her I want you to ask yourself that why do you keep on wanting to phone someone who don't even think of you for 15 minutes, then don't call her

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