[Babs101]

How many woman here hate it when a stranger calls them ma'am personally I hate
this word.I am 40 years old but when someone says ma'am it just sounds like it is for someone much older.I would prefer to br called madam instead.what about the rest of you?

I agree, I am almost 40 and I HATE "ma'am". I think everyone should be called "Miss" no matter what age. If you are called "Miss" and you are not a "miss" you can feel free to correct and say, "Oh, it's Mrs. so and so" or whatever. I don't know of ANYONE who would be insulted to be called "Miss". I say err on the side of caution! In my opinion, "Miss" is much nicer than "Madam" which sounds pompous!!

[NowWhat]

"ma'am" and "sir" are a sign of respect. That is how I was taught.

What I think is rude to women is when someone you don't know, a customer or whatever, calls you by honey, princess, darling, sweetheart, etc.
THAT drives me crazy. To me, that is a show of total disrespect. Not ma'am or sir.

[IheartEdward]

How is Ma'am pronounced... is it like madam or mam? Confusingg

[skumarvelu]

Hi "MADAM" is a term which is used for the p r o s t I t u t e s, so "MAM" is the only respectable term which can be used for woman's.:)

[bella_sola]

There's a great line of greeting cards that pokes fun at the way things are. One of their cards says something about getting "ma'amed". I hate to be ma'amed. I'm 22 and people twice my age call me ma'am. I appreciate manners, but ick, it makes me feel old!

[mldubose]

Here in good ole Alabama it is not considered rude to call any age ma'am. I was taught.... my teeth would be nocked out if my mom heard me say what or yeah to an adult period. No matter how much older the person was (generally 10 yrs or so). I am guilty of grouping and saying guys to everyone....no gender calling intended, but I say ya'll much more often.
It just depends on where you were raised. My friends up North don't say ma'am to their parents. They don't say yeah, they say yes (what's the difference?). Yes ma'am sounds much better to me, more respectful. I am passing that trait to my 2yo.....he says yes ma'am and yes sir to my 25-35yo friends.
When speaking to customers I say yes ma'am to a 10yo girl (most often sure or here sweetie)....it's part of good customer service here. I can't stand it when I go to a business and they ask "Whatcha need?"....now that's rude!
In general I don't think most people put an age on ma'am or sir, it's just how they were raised. We shouldn't judge the way people were raised to address others. If it's not the way you address others, just ignore it and go on about your business.

I grew up in Louisiana, lived in Mississippi, and now live in Georgia. I hate the way many Southerners think that calling a woman "ma'am" is a sign of respect. Just as teaching children to say "yes, ma'am" always means respect. It doesn't. It simply means they have learned to do what you told them. Forced compliance, I say. It's all about tone and attitude. Not a bunch of antiquated words.

And teaching your children to say "yes" instead of "yeah" is a big friggin' difference. There are parts of the country where people live in a more egalitarian society, and children are accepted more as equals. Of course, they don't make the rules, but they aren't expected to do whatever any adult tells them. After all, that same adult the Southern child is ordered to "respect" may be the one who molests him. I have a nephew who was taught that it is OK to say "no" to an adult who wants to give him an hug or kiss. Brilliant. It's not about instilling fear. It's just teaching children that adults are not in a special class and that they aren't ever wrong.

This attitude of having this extra "respect" for women is also demeaning. After all, why can't people just treat women as people and not as delicate flowers that need to be shielded and protected from vulgarity and "men's crudeness"?

I personally believe that Miss and Mrs should be completely obliterated. Why is it anyone else's business if a woman is married or not? We don't have equivalent titles for men. But if you address a woman as Ms, she gets all weird about it. At least if she's one of the women in my area. Many of them think it's only for divorced women. How stupid. I guess they worked too hard for the M-R-S degree for people not to recognize it.

Amazing, isn't it? It's like the 1950s all over again.

[mldubose]

My children are also taught to say, "pardon" or "sorry" instead of "what" if they didn't hear someone. If they are called, they are taught to say "yes". None of this ma'am or sir stuff. My house isn't a military school. Nor is it a factory for robotic Southern children.

Trust me when I say that the hundreds of children I know who must say "yes, ma'am" to adults have no more or less respect for them than the ones who would say (or think) "oh, god. What now?"

Just another "myth of the South" that gets passed on year after year. You know, like the one that says people are nicer here, and they're rude "up North"?

And if the author of the question is also single, the attitude down here is that, at her age, she must be ugly if she hasn't found someone yet. Sure there are more progressive cities here in the South, but the rest of this vast expanse is still living in 1866--resentful of any outsiders with their "strange ideas" and their "city ways".

[Kay27]

Well, I still believe that "assuming" every woman perceives "Ma'am" as a term of respect is a mistake. You say you use it as a term of respect, while so many women hate it and don't feel it's respectful. Instead, it makes them feel bad. In my experience, more women Don't like it than Do like it. So, while you're thinking you're being respectful, you're actually hurting feelings.

What is truly "respectful" is realizing there is diversity in today's society. Being "respectful" is taking that into account, and not "assuming" that every woman wants to be called Ma'am.

What is a new type of "respect" is leaving the Ma'am off when you talk to strangers, and add it on when you know the person and know it's okay with them - like a female boss for instance.

As one of the many women who thinks Ma'am is an unfair assumption of her age and status, I'd much rather hear "How can I help you today?" from the people I meet.

[NowWhat]

Like I have said, the reason I say it is out of respect and it was the way I was taught.
At this point in my life, it is just part of who I am to say ma'am and sir. So, I am not going to start editing myself because of hurt feelings. I mean, if everyone starts watching everything they say, when can they be themselves?
Why are we so afraid of stepping on someone else's toes? Why can't we be true to ourselves?

[Kay27]

When "being ourselves" hurts others, we need to become better people.

[NowWhat]

Better in who's eyes? I am not going to sit around and try to change to make this person and that person happy. I would suffer from exhaustion! A person could turn themselves inside out trying to conform to what others think is acceptable.

And is the word "ma'am" really hurting people? If so, get thicker skin.

[mldubose]

In "whose" eyes? The grammar and spelling on these boards are atrocious.

In your own. Deep down perhaps, or perhaps not. Some people reject change more than others. The knowledge that your actions affect others should make you aware that if a particular group opposes something, then they oppose it. It doesn't mean you must agree, but unless you want to stand out as the obnoxious old fart, you'll call them what they desire. It's called "personal growth".

There was a time in history when slavery was thought of as "good for society". Of course we know that it's not true, but there are many ways that women are still treated neither as men's equals nor their partners.

I was "raised" to think that certain races were in some ways inferior to mine. Of course, I disagreed with my parents and got in trouble for it. My parents did what was common in my area (didn't make it right), but it went hand-in-hand with always saying ma'am and sir. That's not to say that you're a racist, but being "raised" to do something doesn't mean that it's a preferred or even desired behavior.

Being sensitive to the needs and desires of others is a sign of maturity. It also means you have a conscience and the capability for empathy.

[NowWhat]

In "whose" eyes? The grammar and spelling on these boards are atrocious.

Well, excuse me! Didn't realize I was getting graded!

If you want to worry yourself all day with making concessions for every person out there or make sure you don't do or say anything that offends ANYONE - knock yourself out.

I will continue to say ma'am and sir. I think it shows respect and that you have manners. Again, that is my opinion. And since you want to be tolerant of how everyone feels - shouldn't you say that too? No? Well then, are you speaking out of both sides of your mouth?

[mldubose]

I would explain this more, but it would get me nowhere. I've already decided that posting on this site is a waste of my time.

I'll just stick with my MENSA friends.

[AKaeTrue]

If someone is being courteous to me, then it doesn't matter what they call me.
I'm not wearing a sign that indicates to strangers what I'd prefer to be called;
Therefore, it's not my place to complain, get upset or offended.
I call that being sensitive, mature, conscience, and empathetic
To the person being courteous.
How is that person suppose to know what I prefer to be called?

It would be nice if everyone could accept everyone else's kind and courteous gestures without being offended.
There are a lot of other things happening in this world to get upset about and
I don't feel that kind, courteous gestures should be one of them...

[startover22]

I honestly think like AKaeTrue, if they are being polite, then I would thank them or return the good gesture.
This being polite and courteous is a sign of maturity sweet mldubose, some of us just don't mind it and believe me if I knew you didn't like it, I wouldn't call you that. :)
I am also thinking that us ladies may have forgotten how to be one... use your manners and be polite. Golden rule! I still am on the "I like being called Ma'am" side. Still like it and I still think it is polite.

[jenstar29]

I'm not from the South. Ma'am up here in the North is often used by salesclerks or phone support people to try and gain control of the conversation, when they are upset, etc. And yes, it makes a person feel dowdy and old. Of course, men don't give a crap what they are called because they aren't judged by their looks and age with the intense scrutiny that women are. Men wouldn't last a day if they were judged by their look and age like women are. Every bad thing that can happen to a man is made a positive: bald is beautiful/virile, wrinkles are distinguished, older age is distinguished, overweight is acceptable. Now assign these same attributes to a woman and what do you get. It's a man's world through and through, that is for sure. Until a man dances a day in a woman's shoe, he just ain't got no clue!

[elle92]

I too hate being called Ma'am, and have to agree with one of my female clients in her belief that, "it should be a curse word". Or, as I've seen else where, "Ma'am isn't just a four letter word..it's a four letter word with an apostrophe in the middle."

First off, to correct the response above, every etiquette book asserts that "Ma'am" IS the female equivalent of "Sir". Where you are mixed up is that there is no MALE equivalent of MISS.

The confusion here, is that all our lives women are addressed as "Miss". "How can I help you, Miss?" "Can I get that for you, Miss". Then women pass an Invisible Barrier, and MARRIED OR NOT, people everywhere start calling us Ma'am. We notice it, and wonder why.

People UNCONSCIOUSLY call "older" women Ma'am and "younger" women Miss. It happens all the time. I can tell you of plenty of times I've gone to the store, and a woman not more than 10 years younger than I, also "unmarried", gets addressed as Miss, while the same clerk addresses me as Ma'am. That hurts. I have also purposely taken notice, that if I fix my hair nicely, and wear makeup, and dress more sexily - I am usually NOT called Ma'am when I go shopping! You should try it!!

I agree. I despise being called ma’am, and yes, it does make assumptions about age and marital status which is insulting. What if you look older but are younger?
Why are women singled out for this “honor” yet all men are Sir? It’s a sexist and ageist term, ma’am is.

I think it should be stamped out. Or why not use Ms? It’s perfect for ALL women regardless of age and we already use it when writing a letter to a woman we can’t see and therefore can’t judge whether to call her ma’am or miss.

It’s interesting that you said dressing sexier you get called miss. When I dress younger I have gotten miss as well. That tells you it’s a sexist, ageist term right there. Ma’am might as well stand for “old, unsexy crone.” In fact, that’s what I hear when I’m called ma’am. Have a nice day you old, unsexy crone…

[elle92]

You know it would be just as easy for us males to say "CAN I HELP YOU B**TCH?"

What's wrong with Ms? Can I help you, Ms? Just as easy to say as ma'am or miss, without making assumptions about whether I'm married or over whatever the hell age people have decided the ma'am honorific should begin.

[startover22]

As I said in the beginning, I honestly think it is mostly said in a respectful way so I haven't got a problem.
Ma'am, you forgot your purse on the counter, Ma'am here is your order... and so on...