[islandkitti]

I love a man who no longer loves me. We are married and have one child. He is pursuing a carrer in entertainment and within the next five years hollywood will be slapped upside the head with his extraordinary talents. In the beginning it was a whirlwind romance, a few months after he moved in he informed me he did not love me anymore. I work full time and he is a stay at home dad. The finances are really tough and we are barely making it. I am his biggest fan and no matter what happens in our personal life I truly believe in his destiny. He is younger than I and it shows in his affinity towards other women. Whenever it becomes an issue for me and I can't keep my mouth shut we have a big blowout and he reminds me that we only married for our son and that he will always pursue other women because he really doesn't want to be in a relationship. At the same time I provide security while he pursues his dream. I have sacraficed so much and I continue to give and give. Of course I resent him and I feel used, unworthy and completely rejected. The funny thing is I know that if I shut my mouth during those insecure times and continue to support him that I will be handsomely rewarded in the future. I will never have to worry about money. I know this for a fact! Of course when emotions are involved (on my end) it eats me up that I am apparently not good enough for him, the rejection is overwhelming at times and my ego is the size of a pea. Should I just buck up and stay where I am because of the security in the future and my absolute belief in his destiny or do I ditch it all now and struggle on my own as a single mom? I need an attitude adjustment! I don't think being a starter wife is all that bad, maybe I need to make the best of it and endure a loveless relationship until I am financially rewarded. I always knew I would be a rockstars wife but I'm not sure I can really handle it.

[crystalbivens]

Are you really serious?
You would stay with a man who has told you over and over that he does not love you and will continue to pursue other women?
It's time for a reality check, you are a mother and an independent woman so it's time to stand up for yourself and your feelings.
If you honestly believe he will make it big then good for him let him pursue his dreams just keep in mind you have a child by him so he will have to support his child and the more he makes the more your child will get. But don't hold on to a relationship when you know he isn't happy.
Money can't buy love.

[islandkitti]

I'm not holding on to this relationship. He is the one who wants to stay and I'm certainly not standing in the way of his dreams. But I am thankful for your insight.

[crystalbivens]

He wants to stay because it's a free ride.
There are many stay at home dads in this world but chances are their happy in their relationship.
Your only going to get hurt in the end.
You have to think about your feelings and do what is right for you.

[islandkitti]

True. He's comepletely happy and satisfied in this relationship. I'm not, that is the issue. I've lost myself in all of this ;) you are sooo right!

[crystalbivens]

Of course he's going to be happy if he is allowed to pursue other women and has a free ride, BUT you have to let him know that your not a weak woman and if he is going to be with you then he has to be with you 100% not part time when he wants to.
Many women are single moms and they do just fine.
I hope for you sanity you do what's best for you not what you think may be best finacially later on down the road.

[Wondergirl]

What if he doesn't make The Big Time?

I once knew a fantastic drummer who had accompanied big-name singers at festivals and shows in Chicago, so he thought he was headed for stardom a la Ringo Starr. Day after day, the whole neighborhood could hear him pounding out rhythms in his garage. The last I heard of him was in 1990.

[islandkitti]

This is the exact reason why I do not tell many people in my world about his stardom. Believe me, he's been groomed his entire life for entertainment. He's just too talented and has sooo many different projects happening for it NOT to go in that direction.

[ordinaryguy]

This is the exact reason why I do not tell many people in my world about his stardom. Beleive me, he's been groomed his entire life for entertainment. He's just too talented and has sooo many different projects happening for it NOT to go in that direction.

Honey, he could get shot and killed by a carjacker at the corner 7-11 when he stops to get a pack of condoms. You may think you can see the future, but believe me, you can't. I'm all for prudent investing, but to stay with a man who's constantly reminding you of how inadequate and inferior you are, while he's living off your hard-earned wages seems more like a sucker's bet than an investment to me. Even if you win the bet, no matter how big the payoff is, it won't be worth the self respect you paid for it.

[modular01]

No amount of money or prospect of a financial payoff in staying with this guy will result in happiness. He is using you and you are enabling it to happen. You have yourself and a child to worry about and take care of. In reality you have 2 children, your husband and your child. You owe it to yourself and your child to do better. There are plenty of men out there that aren't looking for a free ride, aren't leeches, and will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. And just to play devils advocate, let's say by some chance your husband makes it big. What makes you think that he is going to give you any of what he gets financially? Takers rarely become givers. Stardom will more than likely go straight to his head, and once he is done getting what he wants from you, he will leave you in the dust. I'm not being down on you, I'm just giving an outside viewpoint so that you can prepare yourself for what is about to come.

Readers digest version: Ditch the leech and find yourself true happiness with a guy that is going to love you and not chase any women, and use you as a free ride.

[Homegirl 50]

You're not a starter wife, you're a doormat. And you guys are also teaching your son that women are doormats and men can use them.
If it were just you, I'd say "if you're stupid enough to stay in a situation like that, it's on you" but there is a child here that is getting a very poor example of relationships and morals.
You're a mother. Act like one and look out for the best interest of your child.
Leave this clown!

[nicespringgirl]

He is nothing but a loser!
I think you should start packing for him, and leaving all his stuff at the door.
U keep the house the child and any asset, cash and equity.
It's time for this loser to start his "bright future".

[Homegirl 50]

He is nothing but a loser!!
I think you should start packing for him, and leaving all his stuff at the door.
U keep the house the child and any asset, cash and equity.
It's time for this loser to start his "bright future".

Great advice

[buggage]

Ok, basically you are his sugar momma, and he just lives off you like a leech. He uses your money so that he can stay home and pursue a dream. Do you know how many people actually make it in hollywood? Not that simple. Besides, do you really think that living that kind of live would be all that grand and exciting, for you OR the kid? Hollywood relationships never last. You'll be seen as the poor foolish wife that the actor hubby runs around and cheats on all the time. Not to mention all the photographers in your every aspect of life, pics of your child being taken and smeared all over the news. He'll sleep around with who ever, whenever(as he already does) and doesn't care what he might be bringing home to give to his wife. It sounds to me as though you are in denial and somehow think that you don't deserve better, and that you should just be grateful to have this young hunk who will one day be "famous", you should be grateful he even stays with you. You are only a victim if you ALLOW yourself to be a victim. Be a better example to your kid. Dump the loser. If he does make it famous one day, you'll still live pretty well off, thanks to child support. But I honestly think you'll have to be hard pressed to get a penny out of this guy, even if you stayed with him.

[Dennis777]

Hello.

I hope you really don't think staying with this looser is making things better for your child. Kids know when your being honest with each other, they know if there is Love around them. So don't use the child as the reason your with him.

Do yourself and child a big favor and dump this jerk and make him do it on his own. If he is the big star you think he is then he will make it on his own. Get your own life so your child can grow up in a home with Love. In time you will find your Mr. Right and he will add to your life not take from it.

Dennis777

[Chery]

islandkitti, you've received advice from good people here, and we all mean to help you and your child.

This and only this should be your main concern. Try your best to find babysitters or good day-care providers for your child and send the father off as soon as possible.

Whether he makes it in his career or not, should not be your main concern. There are some good people on this site that can give you some hints on what to invest in if you are looking for financial security. But I would not waste it on this guy.

I'm sure that the future 'glamor' of having a 'famous father' for your child is not all it's thought to be (Just ask the mothers of Boris Becker's kids , as one example - maybe not the best - they made the money though).
In other words, don't dish any more out to this guy, learn from the best and start collecting - even if it is just a signature on some legal papers obligating himself for his child's future.

Next step is to find someone who is there for you and your child, not the other way around.

Good luck, and keep us updated.


We all know it is going to hurt like hell, but I promise, you'll survive and will heal. We all do somehow. We will stay with you all the way, girl.

[Edensmimi]

This is the exact reason why I do not tell many people in my world about his stardom. Beleive me, he's been groomed his entire life for entertainment. He's just too talented and has sooo many different projects happening for it NOT to go in that direction.

Look, don't be "his fool" not meaning you are a fool, but it appears that is how he is treating you. Truth be known he is probably mocking you behind your back to all his other "wannabe" buddies. You are worth more than that, you have a child and yourself to care for. I am sure you are a smarter woman than this. People often use others as stepping stones to get to where they want to be, and IF they ever reach the top and cross over the bridge to success all the stepping stones below that bridge will fall fast into the deep hole he has kept them in while walking all over them to get HIMSELF to the top. This is just my opinion and I hope that you will see there is no use in staying with a man who doesn't love you and pursues other women. What happens if the guy brings AIDS home to you from one of the other women, who is to care for your child then? Him? I wouldn't want this type of man raising my dog. Get out, and make a better life for you and your child.

[talaniman]

A divorce and an order for child support will go along way for you, and your child, if he does make it big. If he doesn't, he still will have that child suppport over his head and rightly so. And you will be free to be happy.