[Treeny]

I am homeschooling my 15 yr ols son. I started towards the end of the year last year.
Now that school has started again { Break is over}
I am having a hard time getting him to work for more than an hour a day.
He is doing beter than he was in the public school and getting good grades.
I told him that in public school you sit for 7 hrs and work,
Why can't you just keep working for at least another hour or so.
It is like pulling teeth to get him to sit for 1 hour!
Did I make the wrong choice to home school him?
Also I am worried about him socially I try to make subjestion as to making friends,
And joining the youth groups at a church and he said no thanks I have friends, he does have a few, but how is he going to meet new people?
I just can't seem to motivate him I ask him to go with me to work out for physical fitness and he don't even want to do that. I tell him that if he don't do all the work I have for him for the day that he is not going anywhere, and then I feel guilty because he don't go anywhere or do anything any way, and when a friend does call him to do something I am so happy for him that I end up letting him go. I say OK but tomorrow you are going to finish that work he says OK. Then the same thing happens the next day.
It's a constant fight and he says that's all I do is nag him and its true because he won't compromise. HELP!

[retsoksirhc]

It sounds to me like your son is in charge. If you say you're not going to let him go out, then don't. Since you've been doing it, he knows you don't really mean anything you threaten him with, and he's just going to do what he wants because he knows that he can get away with it. It you want him to listen, you have to follow through with what you say you are going to do.

[Tuscany]

My best friend growing up and his brothers and sisters were all home scholed. As a public school teacher I find home schooling a great alternative to the regular classroom setting.

It is important that you set up a schedule for the day. Post it, stick to it, and be sure that your son sticks to it too. Post the schedule where you both can see it and follow it each school day. If your son has difficulty sticking with it reward him for each milestone. For example 1 hour of work = 15 minutes of freetime or something similar. Give him choices as to what he wants to do as a reward and then give it to him.

Loving Educaiton At Home is a great organization that can give you more information.

[Treeny]

Does either of you have teenagers?
Ret you said it sounds like he is incharge, Did you read the part about him not going anywhere or doing anything? The reason I let him go?
Any comment for that?
The advice from tuscany sounds like what you would do with a 5 yr old.
Oh well thanks for trying

[J_9]

Treeny, I don't know about Ret, but I do know that Tuscany is a teacher. So, listen to her.

Now I will quote you, and I have 3 teens and a 5 year old okay...

I tell him that if he don't do all the work I have for him for the day that he is not going anywhere, and then I feel guilty because he don't go anywhere or do anything any way, and when a friend does call him to do something I am so happy for him that I end up letting him go.

So, you give in. Instead of making him to his work, you let him go.

I say OK but tomorrow you are going to finish that work he says OK. Then the same thing happens the next day

Of course it's going to happen the next day. You let him the day before because you "feel sorry" for him. He knows how to play you.

It's a constant fight and he says that's all I do is nag him and its true because he won't compromise.

Of course he won't compromise, he doesn't have to. Why? Because you end up letting him go anyway. Why compromise? I know I wouldn't if I knew I could get away with it.

Look, you are the parent. You set the rules... he follows the rules. You need to set up a chart of rewards, as Tuscany, I believe it was, said.

He needs to know that until he accomplishes X, he can't have Y. You need a list of rules and boundaries that he must abide by to get what he wants. For instance... going to the gym and working out could be the homeschool version of physical education. He goes for 2 hours a week and when he does that, he gets to go to the movies on the weekend (just an example). Rewards and discipline. It is still school, no matter what building it is in.

FYI, my children are 20, 19, 13, and 5. So I have been there, albeit never homeschooled and never will. But I do know the boundaries of the parent-child relationship.

[retsoksirhc]

Does either of you have teenagers?
Ret you said it sounds like he is incharge, Did you read the part about him not going anywhere or doing anything? The reason I let him go?
Any comment for that?
The advice from tuscany sounds like what you would do with a 5 yr old.
Oh well thanks for trying

Yes, in fact, I did read that. If he doesn't want to go out, then he won't. If you're using not letting him go out as a punishment, and he doesn't want to go anyway, then in my opinion, that's not a very good punishment. If you're letting him go because you feel bad about it, then you're not following through. Maybe he's not motivated because he doesn't see that his parental figure follows through with what she's doing, so why should he?

So in summary, yes, I did read that part. Did you read what I said? The part about how he probably knows from experience that you won't follow through with his punishment for not doing his work, so he doesn't feel a need to do it? Because if you at least keep an open mind while reading my reply, you could respectfully disagree with me, rather than implying that I didn't read your question ebfore answering it.

[Treeny]

J, I guess I was hoping for more understanding as it is hard whe nyou have a teenager that you worry about emotionally, socially exc. It sounded like it was more blaming then advice from rec and as far as tuscany she may be ateacher but we already have had our differences on onother subject.
Im in a bad mood any way so I gues that may have had something to do with my reaction.
I really am a nice person and don't want to come on here for negativity.
When you put someone on ignore list can they still rate your answers to other people?
Thanks for your advise I usually do fallow through with my punishments but he has been pulling at my heart strings.

[retsoksirhc]

I didn't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, I just know that it can be hard to look at your own family objectively. You always want to make them happy because they're your family. I may be wrong, and that's just my opinion, but I just wanted to make sure you at least considered it. After all, you know yourself and him a lot better than I do.

[Treeny]

Sorry ret was not in a good mood.
Your little boy is adorable!

[J_9]

Treeny, I can understand not being in a good mood. But really it is no reason to take it out on the posts above. They were really good posts.

You really need to set some rules and boundaries with your son. He needs to obey them or pay the consequences. If he does not follow the rules of homeschool, it may be time to go back to a brick and mortar school where he will get the education he needs.

[retsoksirhc]

Sorry ret was not in a good mood.
Your little boy is adorable!

Actually, that's me :)

I don't have kids, I'm a little too young for that. At least, I think so. I just turned 21 a few months ago.

[Fr_Chuck]

You need a room set up with a desk and a set schedule, most home school can be done in about 4 to 5 good study hours not counting PE and arts and music.

So you have a set time for each class and just make him do it. You are the teacher he is the student. You write up a lesson plan for each day and the week, and follow it as much as possible.

He has no choice, you tell him to read this, or fill this out or do this lesson, and he has to do it.

[Tuscany]

Does either of you have teenagers?
Ret you said it sounds like he is incharge, Did you read the part about him not going anywhere or doing anything? The reason I let him go?
Any comment for that?
The advice from tuscany sounds like what you would do with a 5 yr old.
Oh well thanks for trying

I know J-9 already pointed this out (Thanks J) but yes I have children. They may not be mine by blood, but every student that I teach touches my life, therefore I am invested in seeing them succeed. I teach middle school and high school, so I guess I am around teenagers quite a bit. And in the summer I don't take a break for too long because I also co-direct a 3 day eventing horseback riding camp for young adults.

That being said, I firmly believe what J-9 said is correct. You need to remember that you are the adult and he is the child (even at 15 they are still children). Every child needs structure and having a schedule and sticking to it is a great way to start. Once you are both used to the schedule it will flow and just become a way of life. My 15 year old students have a schedule when they enter the classroom. Each one knows what to do and what to expect throughout the class. This decreases the chances of outbursts and fear (every one likes to know what to expect) about what is coming next.

I am not saying that the schedule is the only way to fix your problem. But I am offering you an option to try to improve your day. I will say again Loving Education At Home (LEAH) could help you, as could many other homeschooling programs throughout the USA.

[Treeny]

Up date,
Things are going a little better he is getting back on track again.
My husband leaves x amount of work on each subject a day and He has to do what he leaves weather it takes him 1 hr or 4hrs. It seems the more I nag the slower he gos, so I have been, trying not to say much like you know you have to do this and that, he knows the night before when my husband tells him what the plan is for the falowing morning.
One day he did it all but 1 thing and I dident say any thing until he asked me to take him to his friends house I said no you dident finish all your work, he gripped about it and went and took a shower watched TV, I thought he wasent going to do it and then after awhile he finished it. I think with him at this age he wants to feel like he is a little bit incontrol and the less I say the beter.

[Tuscany]

Glad to hear that things are improving.

[nicespringgirl]

15 yr-old, it's time for him to go to school with other kids.

[Wondergirl]

Just out of curiosity, why is he being homeschooled? Is this his first year of it?

[Tuscany]

Just out of curiosity, why is he being homeschooled? Is this his first year of it?

This is a great question. Most children that are homeschooled start earlier in their education. Often while they are still in elementary school.

[Treeny]

The answer to the question, why at 15 is it his first year, Yes it is his first yr,
Our options were send him to the school that is now full of gang members,My son was not doing well the first yr of high school at all.I seen him change for the worst, grades drop, and he said he would rather sit in in school suspension then walk the halls and go to class.He started getting iss all the time,I think he was doing it on purpose.He made comments to me that made me know he was having trouble but would not say out right that he was in some way being harassed. He said that black people are more perdjudise than white, The last straw was when there was a shooting gang related at the school. Private school which we can not afford or move which we tried but no houses are selling here, we are still contimplating moving. We are living pay ck to pay ck and paying for college for our 18 yr old
A lot of people around us were resorting to homeschool so we investigated it and thought it would be a good idea. My husband and I are able to help him with most of his work if he needs it and when we can't my sister is a teacher and helps, also there is a tutor if you need it through the program. The work is not the probleam it's the motivation, but its coming along we have to do what we have to do to get him through.
My husband is more strick than I, we have our debates he won't allow open book test,
But the instructions say he can he just can't have it for the self help tests. He don't get the
Books for either, my husband said he wants to make sure he is learning it and not just skating through. He has to get through 16 books to get a diploma and he has finished
4 so far working through the summer and half of the last school year. He has to complete
4 more before the end of this year so we are trying to keep a pace and stay at it.

[Tuscany]

As a teacher I can honestly say that the dynamics of the school environment are changing drastically. It does not matter if you live in the city or in the suburbs, violence, gang activity, drug use and truency are all things that every school has to deal with to various degrees.

As stated earlier I think that when done properly homeschooling is an outstanding alternative to the traditional classroom setting. I do think that your husband is correct however, it is important to make sure that he is not just skating through; especially if he is planning on going on to college. Moreover, many homeschooling organizations offer social outings that allow homeschooled children an opportunity to socialize with children their own age. I would look into that as well.

Best of luck!