[Ch_07]

I've been living with my boyfriend for about 4 months now. Everything was great for about the first week. We had tons of great sex, but shortly after that I realized his sex drive declined significantly. At first I was really upset, thinking he'd gotten bored of it all after only a week, but I quickly realized that it was because he was masterbating that he wasn't quite as interested in sex. After a few weeks we talked about it and he started making more of an effort towards giving me more sex (I have a high sex drive), but didn't cut back at all on the masturbation. The problem is that he masterbates nearly every single day, and it's always the very instant I fall asleep, or hop in the tub, it's as if he's waiting for the chance at every moment. The very worst part of it is that since he masterbates constantly, when we have sex he can only stay hard for about 15 minutes or a half hour (and doesn't c*m), and since I complained about it, instead of stopping when he's losing his hard on, he keeps trying and trying to keep having sex and it really makes it horrible. It's great for the first 15-30 minutes, but after that it's another hour of damn near torture of his trying to f**k me half hard and wanting head (which isn't sexy to me when he's half flaccid). I explained this all to him, as unaccusatory as possible and in nicer words, and he seemed to understand. He told me that he would rather f**k me then masterbate so he didn't know why he was masterbating anyway. He actually stopped masterbating and the sex was fantastic again. We'd both be into it the whole time, and would both actually get to orgasm. That only lasted for a week though. Once I got my period, 20 minutes after my flow started he jumped over to the computer to masterbate, even though we'd had sex an hour before. I got pissed (was offended) and his excuse was that I was bleeding so I shouldn't be mad. I was still pretty offended I mean he could have waited until I fell asleep or something and kept it to himself.. lol. But I let it go. Unfortunately it seemed that during the 4 days of my period he masterbated the whole time, and didn't stop once my period was over. So now were back to the horrible sex. And the worst part is were fighting over it a lot, and now he won't seem to bend on the issue. He says that I'm stuck up, and a b**ch etc. because I don't want him to masterbate but he knows that's not what it's about. I've told him probably a dozen times that I wouldn't care if he jacked off 6 times a day if only he could still keep an errection when he had sex with me. I understand the need to masterbate, I mean I do it to and he knows about it. So now he's calling me a hypocrite, but the funny part is I wouldn't be masterbating myself if he'd give me some good sex. So I'm so lost on how the hell to fix this. The last week or so I haven't been fighting w/ him at all, but unfortunately not fighting w/ him means he tries to have sex w/ me and like I said it sucks horribly. He can tell I'm not into it, but he keeps going to prove a point, that he can masterbate as normal and still f**k me, but he can't.
He's been getting really nasty w/ me over the issue but still constantly assuring me that he's attracted to me and wants to have sex w/ me, but it just doesn't seem like it. Before I mentioned anything about this to him, we hardly had sex because he'd taken care of himself. Now it seems like he's having sex w/ me to avoid the argument. So anyway I am lost, pissed, horney, and unsatissfied, does anyone know anything that could help? I've tried talking to him but every time I do he flips out and doesn't want to talk about it..

[smoothy]

He has issues, serious ones if he prefers spanking his monkey to having a woman who is there and available every day. I think you have two options here. #1 leave him, or #2 get him counseling because he has issues that need resolved.

[Lost_in_NC]

Ok well this is hard to explain I know I am not an expert but try getting to him before he starts to masturbate and you do it for him or you can watch or help. It more than likely that he has a fantasy or maybe he's so used to doing it he doesn't know how to stop. Try these and if they don't work try your other two options starting with counseling if that don't work you may have to leave him. But be honest with him and tell him that having sex with a flacid penis is not your idea of great sex.

[humoryou]

I've been living with my boyfriend for about 4 months now. Everything was great for about the first week. We had tons of great sex, but shortly after that I realized his sex drive declined signifigantly. At first I was really upset, thinking he'd gotten bored of it all after only a week, but I quickly realized that it was because he was masterbating that he wasn't quite as interested in sex. After a few weeks we talked about it and he started making more of an effort towards giving me more sex (I have a high sex drive), but didn't cut back at all on the masterbation. The problem is that he masterbates nearly every single day, and it's always the very instant I fall asleep, or hop in the tub, it's as if he's waiting for the chance at every moment. The very worst part of it is that since he masterbates constantly, when we have sex he can only stay hard for about 15 mins or a half hour (and doesn't c*m), and since I complained about it, instead of stopping when he's losing his hard on, he keeps trying and trying to keep having sex and it really makes it horrible. It's great for the first 15-30 mins, but after that it's another hour of damn near torture of his trying to f**k me half hard and wanting head (which isn't sexy to me when he's half flaccid). I explained this all to him, as unaccusatory as possible and in nicer words, and he seemed to understand. He told me that he would rather f**k me then masterbate so he didn't know why he was masterbating anyway. He actually stopped masterbating and the sex was fantastic again. We'd both be into it the whole time, and would both actually get to orgasim. That only lasted for a week though. Once I got my period, 20 mins after my flow started he jumped over to the computer to masterbate, even though we'd had sex an hour before. I got pissed (was offended) and his excuse was that I was bleeding so I shouldn't be mad. I was still pretty offended I mean he coulda waited until I fell asleep or something and kept it to himself..lol. But I let it go. Unfortunately it seemed that during the 4 days of my period he masterbated the whole time, and didn't stop once my period was over. So now were back to the horrible sex. And the worst part is were fighting over it a lot, and now he won't seem to bend on the issue. He says that I'm stuck up, and a b**ch etc. because I don't want him to masterbate but he knows that's not what it's about. I've told him probably a dozen times that I wouldn't care if he jacked off 6 times a day if only he could still keep an errection when he had sex with me. I understand the need to masterbate, I mean I do it to and he knows about it. So now he's calling me a hypocrite, but the funny part is I wouldn't be masterbating myself if he'd give me some good sex. So I'm so lost on how the hell to fix this. The last week or so I haven't been fighting w/ him at all, but unfortunately not fighting w/ him means he trys to have sex w/ me and like I said it sucks horribly. He can tell I'm not into it, but he keeps going to prove a point, that he can masterbate as normal and still f**k me, but he can't.
He's been getting really nasty w/ me over the issue but still constantly assuring me that he's attracted to me and wants to have sex w/ me, but it just doesn't seem like it. Before I mentioned anything about this to him, we hardly had sex because he'd taken care of himself. Now it seems like he's having sex w/ me to avoid the argument. So anyway I am lost, pissed, horney, and unsatissfied, does anyone know anything that could help?? I've tried talking to him but everytime I do he flips out and doesn't want to talk about it..

It seems to me that if he went AWOL a week after you were together that is a pretty dramatic sign. Clearly it is not about you and he as a couple which means that sex (when you do have it) may not be about making love either.
In any case his habit is long standing and he is trying to figure out how to fit the extra duty sex as a couple into his regimen. I don't think that you can fix it for him. I don't think his being with any woman will.
His sex life is in his brain only not a shared experience.
Many men masturbate for different reasons than having sex with their partner, it does not sound like he fits into one of those categories if he does it when you are available.
It is difficult to break the cycle it sounds like has started in your situation. His feeling guilt or a responsibility to have intercourse when he would rather masturbate (judging by his choices) and your frustration as a result may be a set up.
The fact that it was there right from the start seems to point to what you likely already know; the two choices Smoothy pointed out or live with it.
Ask yourself, in another 4 months if nothing has changed which decision are you going to wish you had made?