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    marcus83's Avatar
    marcus83 Posts: 48, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Aug 18, 2007, 11:13 PM
    Moving on, FINALLY! Thanks to all of you
    I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for trying to give me some rational ideas. When your in the situation its hard to see things clearly... I haven't listened to my friends, my family,. anyone! But this many people telling me its over, cut my losses... the idea has really sunk in. I TEXTED HER TODAY... LIKE A JACKASS... its like a weird addiction I have... but I am telling you all that I will man up... as of August 19... NO CONTACT... a month from now, I will get back to you all and tell you how many times she's called me because she hasn't heard from me... I will be doing everything in my power not to call her... like I said, no other girl in my life has ever effected me like this one has... maybe how I "broke up with her" was wrong... but if she ever truly cared... she wouldn't be able to sleep knowing I'm in so much pain. She's an a$$hole... I hope that dog I bought her craps in her shoes again... NO CONTACT. Thanks to all
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #2

    Aug 20, 2007, 06:55 AM
    Keep strong Marcus. The first 30 days are the hardest. Anytime you feel like texting her or calling her or whatever just come on here and vent out to us. It will be MUCH better believe me.
    DougE's Avatar
    DougE Posts: 96, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Aug 20, 2007, 07:59 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
    Keep strong Marcus. The first 30 days are the hardest. Anytime you feel like texting her or calling her or whatever just come on here and vent out to us. It will be MUCH better believe me.

    Glinda, would you say the first 30 days are the hardest if you're the dumper as well? Lol
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #4

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by DougE
    Glinda, would you say the first 30 days are the hardest if you're the dumper as well? lol
    No because when you dump someone you are unhappy in the relationship and have already checked out of it. You are ready to move on.

    Everyone needs to get rid of the idea that the dumper is at home crying. They are not sorry. Doesn't work that way. Have you never broken up with someone?
    DougE's Avatar
    DougE Posts: 96, Reputation: 3
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    #5

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
    no because when you dump someone you are unhappy in the relationship and have already checked out of it. You are ready to move on.

    Everyone needs to get rid of the idea that the dumper is at home crying. They are not sorry. Doesn't work that way. Have you never broken up with someone?
    Yes I have been the dumper quite a few times, and I STILL had strong urges to contact my ex when I did that
    lostlove2's Avatar
    lostlove2 Posts: 28, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Aug 20, 2007, 10:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by DougE
    Yes i have been the dumper quite a few times, and I STILL had strong urges to contact my ex when I did that
    I agree with DougE. You all assume that the person that left you can't possible still love you but that's not always the case. People do make wrong choices sometimes and realize it later. So think the dumper can have a hard time too. And can miss you terribly
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #7

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:09 AM
    Usually the dumper has spent quite some time emotionally cutting the dumpee slowly out of their life. It is a process the dumpee often does not see until they are actually left and then the shock hits them. After a while though, he or she reflects on the signs that were there, that they should have seen but were perhaps denying because he or she was so emotionally invested in the other person. People do make mistakes and every situation is different but I think that the one who leaves has already processed everything long before the one left behind and therefore this is why the one left behind has a major disadvantage and is left trying to hold on while the other has already moved on or at least made attempts to.
    lostlove2's Avatar
    lostlove2 Posts: 28, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane
    Usually the dumper has spent quite some time emotionally cutting the dumpee slowly out of their life. It is a process the dumpee often does not see until they are actually left and then the shock hits them. After a while though, he or she reflects on the signs that were there, that they should have seen but were perhaps denying because he or she was so emotionally invested in the other person. People do make mistakes and every situation is different but I think that the one who leaves has already processed everything long before the one left behind and therefore this is why the one left behind has a major disadvantage and is left trying to hold on while the other has already moved on or at least made attempts to.
    Yes every case is different. I was told that the night my ex left me he cryed all night long and was devastated. And that he was throwing up all the next day at work and had to leave early. Why did he have that reaction if he didn't still love me?
    DougE's Avatar
    DougE Posts: 96, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:48 AM
    My ex changed her number because of me giving her mixed signals, and now she is calling me a lot restricted or from her house phone or job phone, although I haven't heard from her since Wedensday... not a long period I know. But I assume she gets the point as I sent her to voicemail when she called Wednesday
    marcus83's Avatar
    marcus83 Posts: 48, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:52 AM
    Well I don't know what to do, from the first minute I "broke up with her" and then apologized three hours later, wanting her back. The long distance WAS hard! I didn't trust her for some reason, but I still love her, and as I said from day one since she said she wanted space, In the beginning, I called her 10 times a day telling her I love her and I was wrong, she didn't answer. Now 6 months later, I still have breakdowns and say sorry and pour my heart out to her, Now she says things like "we dont know what love is" and we are "incompatible", I try to remind her all the great times we had like a pathetic baby, and she says, "yeah...we had fun, you showed me some great things other guys havent shown me but since we broke up, "there's been a couple people that has shown me different things, and I want that" YET SHE'S STILL SINGLE!!! i could only imagine what they "showed" her... its sick of her to know how deeply I still care and tell me things like that
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #11

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lostlove2
    Yes every case is different. I was told that the night my ex left me he cryed all night long and was devestated. And that he was throwing up all the next day at work and had to leave early. Why did he have that reaction if he didn't still love me?
    My ex did the same thing, I was told (and I believe it to some extent) and there is one answer...

    Guilt.


    Hurting someone is bound to be hard to do unless you are insensitive and basically a bad human being.

    I would find it very hard to do what my ex did to me. Not necessarily that what she did was wrong but she broke my heart and that was inevitable, and might have seemed wrong to me but there comes a time when one has to accept anothers decision however wrong it may seem to oneself. I realised that she was young, that she was going through what I went through at her age and needed to do what she did for those reasons. It seemed wrong because I was hurt and I could not imagine doing the same yet I was not in that position at her age and therefore, I had to place myself in her shoes and try and understand how it was for her. It took a lot for me to get to that point and nearly a year on now, I see a lot more clearly why what happened did happen and for me, the beauty of it all is that I did accept it and I did let go and (for the mostpart) I don't look back in anger anymore.

    Life is too short for that.
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #12

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:57 AM
    I am grateful for having experienced real love and even though it was lost, at least I experienced it and I can't be happier at having that experience. It has a place in the chapters of my life and my mind and heart will never forget that.

    There is always a light at the end of that tunnel, you just have to open your eyes and see it.

    To relate this to the thread, I would say that this is part of the process of moving on. Being grateful for the memories you have but at the same time walking away from the past.
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #13

    Aug 20, 2007, 02:12 PM
    I would say to you Marcus, move on, stick to NC (No Contact) but make sure you know that you are doing it (NC) for the right reasons. Only you know that...
    Lonely Ophelia's Avatar
    Lonely Ophelia Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Aug 20, 2007, 06:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lostlove2
    Yes every case is different. I was told that the night my ex left me he cryed all night long and was devestated. And that he was throwing up all the next day at work and had to leave early. Why did he have that reaction if he didn't still love me?
    When my BF and I fought, he cried every time he sees me whenever he comes home from work or gently touching my face while I am sleeping that will wake me up and sees him crying. I asked him why, and he told me it made him sad to think that he is leaving me. I thought at first he wasn't serious but he was, he left me.

    I know that it is hard for him too , he came back and collected his stuffs four times instead of just once. And although he told me he can't trust me not for a long time (beacuse of our fights that caused his depression attacks) he told me that he wouldn't want me completely out of his life because I am the biggest part of it.

    He starts going to the bar checking out chics, probably to forget the pain. I don't oppose in what he wants to do, besides I am no longer his girlfriend anyway. My only hope is, he might realize one day that there is no better comfort zone than being with me.

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