[igreenlee]

If the father of the bride does not feel comfortable around the mother of the bride how should the seating be handled at the wedding ceremony? The father has remarried and I am the mother of the bride and am single, but will have an escort for the day. Would my escort go to the pew where I will be seated earlier with other guests and await my arrival? Also my son is an usher so would it be appropriate for him to escort me (mother of the bride) down the aisle?

If my former spouse is comfortable being in the front pew with me would his wife also go down earlier and be seated similar to my escort?

Last question when it comes time to ask who gives this woman to be married to this man, even though we are divorced we are both her parents so would it be acceptable for my former spouse to say "her mother and I do"?

Thanks,
Iva Greenlee

[firmbeliever]

Hi Iva,

I am no expert,but I found the following on the net.

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http://ourmarriage.com/html/ask_fran...vorced_pa.html
Seating Divorced Parents

Dear Fran:
My parents divorced recently. I'm not sure where they should be seated during the ceremony. Neither have remarried, and they are on speaking terms. My dad is going to walk me down the aisle. When he sits down, do they sit together or on different pews? Also, when the pastor asks, "who gives this woman to be married to this man," can he still say, "her mother and I," or does he have to say, "I do", since they are divorced?
Anna H.

Dear Anna:
It is certainly proper for your father to sit on the front pew with your mother, following his walking you down the aisle. When neither parent has remarried and they are on good terms, their sitting together shows a mutual relationship and united front in wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness.

If it happens they would prefer not to sit together, then the parent you are not living with would sit on the second or third pew behind the parent you are living with. If you are living with neither parent, it is usually the mother of the bride who is seated on the front pew and the father who sits behind. As a matter of interest, although it is not the case in your situation, when a parent has remarried, their new spouse is seated with them.

In answer to your question concerning your father's response to the question of "who gives this woman to be married to this man?", it is correct either way he chooses to answer. More appropriately, it is correct either way "you" choose to ask him to answer.
Sincerely,
Fran
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http://etiquette.lifetips.com/tip/12...f-parents.html
Proper Wedding Seating of Parents
When the bride and groom's parents are together, they are seated in the front pew of the church, near the aisle. The bride's parents sit in the left pew and the groom's parents are seated in the right pew.

There are exceptions for certain circumstances. If either the bride or groom has a widowed parent, that parent may certainly invite a guest to be seated with him or her.

It becomes a bit more complicated if the parents of the bride or groom are divorced. The mother and stepfather if there is one, will sit in the front pew as already described.

In the next few pews, the immediate family will be seated. This includes grandparents, siblings, and so on.

The bride or groom's father will be seated in the next pew behind the rows of the mother's immediate family. If the father is remarried, his family will be seated with him. If there are hard feelings in the family, the father's wife may choose to sit elsewhere in the church, and further back.

If the bride or groom is closer to a stepmother or is not on good terms with the mother, the father and stepmother may be seated in the front pew instead of the mother.

Still one more exception is that if the divorced parents get along well and everyone would be happy with the situation, it is sometimes perfectly acceptable to seat the parents and stepparents all in the front pew, but only if all agree to it.
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Hope these help you.. :)

[LearningAsIGo]

Ceremonies are generally a short period, so would your ex be comfortable sitting in the same pew? Maybe your daughter could find out. If not, he could sit behind (second pew) but you should be in the first pew since you're part of the ceremony with the unity candle.

Your escort as well as your ex's wife should be seated prior to the ceremony. If she's uncomfortable being in the same pew as you, she can ask the usher to move her back one.

Your son can escort you down the aisle if that's the way the ceremony is planned (ask the coordinator). Your daughter may want you to wait in the back with her and walk just as the ceremony starts with her new mother-in-law (that's what mine did). If so, you won't need your son to escort you.

Your ex-husband should say "her mother and I" because that's what is correct. You two are her parents, so you both "give her away". My brother walked me down the aisle and said "her mother and I"... because that's who gave me away. ;)

Good luck and don't stress too much! The day will go quickly and most people won't notice the little details of where people sit. :)

[s_cianci]

It is appropriate for you to sit with your escort during the ceremony, typically in the front pew on the left. Likewise for your ex and his wife. And yes, your escort will take his seat in advance and wait for your son (the usher) to escort you to your seat, immediately prior to the start of the ceremony. Likewise, his wife would be escorted to her seat in advance. As mother of the bride, you are the last guest to be seated prior to the start of the processional. And yes, it's appropriate for your ex to respond that "her mother and I" give her (your daughter) away to be married.

[Fr_Chuck]

When my son got married, I just smiled and sat next to my ex. My son wanted it that way so I did it. The service takes only a short time

[lacuran8626]

I would suggest that your ex-husband's wife should be shown to her seat by her husband (your ex) who would then return to the back of the church to await the bride and escort her in. You should be the last person escorted in before the bridesmaids and bride, after the other guests have been seated, and it is perfectly acceptable and customary for your son to seat you if he is part of the wedding party, which he will be.

You and your ex-husband can both be seated in the front row on your child's side of the church. I suggest that you would be seated furthest from the aisle, beside your guest. Next to him on the other side would be your ex-husband's current wife, and he would sit beside her on the aisle. It is perfectly appropriate for your ex-husband to respond "her mother and I" or for both you and he to stand and say, "we do" when asked "who gives this bride". It is also acceptable to skip that part of the ceremony if it seems awkward. I skipped it in my wedding because I felt it sounded a bit like I was going from being my parent's property to being my husband's property, and I'm extremely independent. Then again, I do like the romantic aspect of the traditions and think it's nice in some ways, too.

[shellicasswell]

My gaughter is getting married soon. Her father have not been togrther since she was very little. The seating for the front pew my daughter was told by her "Daddy" that he would sit on the end then his wife then then my mother and father and then me. His wife does not want to sit next to me. The reason for my parents they were a very large part of her childhood.
That hurts me so much and what daddy says goes. She is my only child. He himself has another girl. And his wife has three children 1 boy and 2 girls. One of her girls is getting married in another month. Why take this from me?

[ebaines]

Shelli - you say that the father has had no contact with your daughter since she was very little, so I am at a loss as to why your daughter is putting up with the man's demands. I can see that IF he is walking her down the aisle (is he?) that he would sit in the front pew, next to you (her mother). In a traditional ceremony you are the last one seated prior to the entrance of the wedding party, so you would be closest to the aisle until he sits down after giving the bride away. But since your ex's wife has had little or no interaction with your daughter it is more appropriate for her to be seated in the 2nd pew, perhaps with her children.

One piece of advice - this is your daughter's wedding, not yours and not your ex's, so at the end of the day it is her wishes that should be listened to. What is her opinion about all this?