[gs mom]

My son's father has never met him, or had anything to do with him other than pay support ordered 12 years ago. Went back to court twice for modification to increase, and he says he's making less money. He cancelled the court ordered health insurance, and has refused to pay any medical bills since he was born. Now I get papers from attorney about him wanting to get to know his son, and how he has faithfully supported him all these years. My son is very upset and does not want to meet him, even after I suggested he should at least try it, maybe go out for lunch, says if he's forced he'll run away. I've made an apt with a counselor to see if they have advice to help him deal with this. I hate to see the happy, well adjusted, honor roll child I have raised alone become insecure, and threaten to run away. My son says he is well adjusted, gets honor roll and has missed nothing not having his father in his life so far, and he wants nothing to do with him now, and he won't see him even if a judge says he has to. IN Florida... ANY ADVICE APPRECIATED.

[ScottGem]

Take your son to the hearing and have him tell the judge how he feels. Hopefully the judge will not force visitation and you won't have to worry about it.

But there is the possibility he will. You need to explain to your son that he will need to obey a court order. He does not have to have fun or even been cheerful. If he wants he can just go meet the father and say nothing and act sullen the whole time. The father will quickly tire of this.

[Megg]

Perosnally, id force him to see his father. What kinds of things have you told him? Honestly, every kid has the right to know they're parents. Doesn't matter what problems have happened in the past. Hes a kid, course he's going to want things his way and cry about it. But in the end he might learn that his dad isn't so bad. Maybe when he's older they will be friends. Do you know what it is like to grow up without a dad? Or be told you can't see him? Sometime's you got to do what's best for the kid if the like it or not. I'd make him see his dad because it's the right thing to do. The father has rights to see his kid.

[Bluerose]

It's unfortunate but his dad might have left it too late. I believe your son is old enough to decide for himself. I hope the judge doesn't enforce this order. I hope instead that, given enough time to get used to the idea, your son will change his mind and want to see his dad. Keep in mind too that your son might be afraid of appearing disloyal to you if he agrees to see his dad. It might be a good idea to encourage him to agree to a few visits and then if he still feels the same then you will support his decision.

[gs mom]

First of all, thanks Scott.. I do agree that every child has the right to know their parents, but the fact that his father chose not to see him, yet live less than 10 miles away was not his fault, nor his choice. I have brought my son to where his father was working, at his request, only to have him tell me "Don't tell him who I am" He watched him playing for about 10 minutes, then had nothing to say. Yes I know what it's like to grow up without a dad, since my father would pick up my brother, but leave me with my mom, "because I was a girls, and he wanted sons". So, I better than most, understand the importance. I have never told my son anything BAD about his father. I have spoken at length to a local pastor on how to handle his questions, and his answer was to never lie to my son. He has simply been told his father has the choice to see him or not, and there is nothing we can do to force him.
Believe me when I say I would have much rather had him taking my son every other weekend or a night or two during the week over the past 14 years. I would have had some extra time. I have had ALL the responsibility, I've cleaned puke, and missed work and stayed broke paying for braces and shoes and toys. Trust me $300 does NOT go far in a month when the orthodontist bill alone is $180 (which is now almost $10,000 due to his overbite inherited from his father) None of which he has paid. I have worked two jobs to make sure he wasn't different because he had no father, and still had the things other children had.
My son gets the mail, knows he gets child support, and knows just how far it stretches. Especially when he gets his hair cut, goes to the movies, or needs something.
I have to wonder though, if the father is simply doing this now knowing that I'll say "Fine, don't pay any more support". 10 years ago, a call was traced back to his house when someone called and hung up on my sons after calling him a bast**d. When his wife calls me a wh*re, as she drives past me on the highway. (They were not married when I had my son)