[jeremy4719]

I've not been on here in a while... But here is what is going on from my previous posts...

I've been with my fiancé for 1yr 7months (7 months engaged of that).

We HAD a great relationship for first 1yr and 1 month... Then things started going down hill because of her working more. Since then she's gone from having 5 days off, to 3, to working EVERY single day now... The every day work has gone on for 2 months and we've had about 2hrs together total in the last 2 months!! Not to mention no sex in two months! We do talk nearly every day before she goes to bed, but its usually not eventful and she appears eager to get off the phone and go to bed...

This whole thing has worn at me and I'm not sure what to do... I'm not happy at all right now (and she knows it )... She doesn't give me the impression that she is going to make more time for "us"... I fill like I'm single, but yet I have the unhappiness in my life because of this crap... I do love her, that is the ONLY thing that has kept me around this long...

She says she loves me (but doesn't show happy emotion in doing so)...

We are supposed to go on a Carnival Cruise to Mexico in two weeks... I don't know whether I should end this or should I keep on waiting around until she decides to make time for me? I mean I know she is working to pay off some massive bills from the younger days and credit cards... But if you love someone, shouldn't you do more then say I love you? I have pondered breaking up with her many times, but haven't... So if this cruise goes well, maybe that will show me she does love me and that work is just what she is about right now... BUT... If this cruise goes so-so or not well, that might be a sign?

I really hate that things have gotten like this... I wanted us to be great, and I love her... But with no time together and no physical intimacy, I fill I've been pushed (or more forced) to resort to thinking of leaving this...

[chuff]

I'd wait to see how the cruise goes.

[Dennis777]

Hello.

WOW, after over a year of being together and as you said very good when she had a lot of time FOR YOU, your thinking about ending it because she is working so many hours you don't see her. In other words your not getting any sex so your wanting to find some.

I have a good idea why don't you work like she is and help her pay off the bills so you can start spending quality time together sooner.

Dennis777

[nicespringgirl]

U haven't met some other women who work really hard from the beginning to the end!:D

I agree with Dennis, you should work harder and be more ambitious! Don't too much time on mind games now.

P.S. U will not think that she works that hard, if you ask me how much I work.

[jeremy4719]

Are you kidding me?

I'm thinking about ending it because she makes NO time for me... Work, no matter how much, should not take priority over a relationship! It should be clear that if you want a relationship to work, you find ways to see the other person and make them happy. On my side of that (trying to make other happy), I've asked numerous times to just meet up somewhere at a convient time, stop by her place (thats an hour away), etc... None of that is suitable (as there is no time for me)...

I'm working a bit less then her, and am about to take a management job that will equal the hours she works... I being someone that thinks being in a relationship is ABOUT being together (at least some) would make time for her... And yes, sex is a part of the relationship... It's not the only thing obviously, but those that think it isn't important are likely to have failed relationships or marriages... If you think I'm wrong on that, do the research...

I'm going to go on the cruise with her and PRAY, HOPE, WISH, that things are JUST because of her work... I would hate to end something with someone I do love, but being happy is most important.

[nicespringgirl]

And yes, sex is a part of the relationship... It's not the only thing obviously, but those that think it isn't important are likely to have failed relationships or marriages

U can't speak for most people. If you have lived in other countries, e.g. most asian countries, sex before marriage is not encouraged. Asian countries have much lower divorce rates and strict Christian family/couples are likely to get divorced. You need to do the research.
Does she still love you?
What is the reason she works so hard?
Does she do that on purpose so she can avoid you?

[Ash123]

What does she do for a living?

[chuff]

I'm thinking about ending it because she makes NO time for me...... Work, no matter how much, should not take priority over a relationship! It should be clear that if you want a relationship to work, you find ways to see the other person and make them happy. On my side of that (trying to make other happy), I've asked numerous times to just meet up somewhere at a convient time, stop by her place (thats an hour away), etc..... None of that is suitable (as there is no time for me)..........

Does she still love you?

Does she do that on purpose so she can avoid you?

Jeremy's quote from above lead me to the same two questions asked by nicespringgirl so I think that maybe something you should start to consider. Maybe she wants to end the relationship and uses work as her excuse.

[Ash123]

Alpha male 101.
You have to make it clear you have a life and she is welcome in it.
And if she thinks She can live without YOU - then you will make her see the consequences:
And that's a clear statement of the facts... Women don't want a man to fear them.
To obey and respect many of their wishes perhaps -
But egg shells are for chickens...

Enjoy the cruise on your terms...

And let me know what she does for a living?

[Chery]

Sorry about your problem.
It has been my experience that when a woman changes her 'working habits' in a relationship, she is hiding something and being as evasive as possible about it. She obviously did not recently jump into financial problems to work on, she brought them into the relationship and it did not bother her in the beginning.

As busy as she is, does she find the time to acquire and pack the things in preparation of this cruise? Did she plan her vacation time at work, or is she working over-time to be able to take the cruise with you.

How does she react when you ask her for some quality time and/or sex? Does she just give you a smack on the lips and find excuses for being sooo busy?

My suggestion is.. go on this cruise with the main idea of having fun but don't spend extra cash on her. See if she is relaxed and receptive to your needs for a change. I'd even suggest to her that she leave her cell phone at home for a change.

If this works out to your satisfaction and things get better when you return, then OK.. If not and she gets busy again let her know that you are thinking about breaking the engagement. This way you'll know one way or the other where you stand and can plan your future accordingly.

Good luck dear, and enjoy the cruise.

[s_cianci]

I think you should have a heart-to-heart talk with her and lay it on the table. Tell her everything you've said here, about how unhappy you are and that you don't feel that she is making your relationship a priority. Nobody should be working every single day for a period of 2 months, no matter how much debt they may be in. It's not healthy and I'm sure you're beginning to see why it's not healthy. You may need to give her an ultimatum and tell her that, although you don't want to, if things don't change you're going to have to end it.

[nicespringgirl]

I am curious what kind of job that allows her to work EVERYDAY!

[Ash123]

Id like to know that too.

[nicespringgirl]

He said she used to have 5 days off, then 3 days off now WORK EVERYDAY.
SO appreantly the work place is very flexible with the schedule so it shouldn't be a formal company, maybe a restaurant? I don't think you are allowed to work that much. EVEN IT IS A CHINESE restaurant you can work 6 days the most.:D
He didn't say who many hours she works in a week, maybe she only works half day?
...
??
http://www.kinneybrothers.com/FLASH%...S/confused.jpg

[GlindaofOz]

I see a few problems here. Let's put aside for the moment the idea that she is using work as escapism. The truth is that neither of you seem to have the skills to make a relationship work when time and finances are tight. Considering THAT is lacking I would be concerned about what would happen inside of a marriage.

My other concerns is in regards of her hours. I would also be suspicious of that considering that most jobs (other then law enforcement or medicine) do not allow employees to work over a certain number of hours because it is against the law. There is no way she could be working all day long every singe day. Which may also explain why she does not want you dropping by her work.

As it sits right now - without any additional information - both of you appear to be quite miserable inside of this relationship. You need to sit down with her and figure out what is going on. Both of you cannot continue on in this relationship with your heads in the sand refusing to address these problems.

[Terri Diegel]

Hi, The way I look at it is... if you've only been together this short of time, how is it going to be when you get married. Especially since you go months without sexual or emotional intimancy. It's okay to work and pay off debt, but if she can't make time for you then I would say she is either taking your relationship for granted or she is no longer interested. It must be pretty bad for a guy to say he's not getting enough quality time, usually it's the girl saying that. I would sit down and have a serious talk with her and prepare myself for the worst. I'm sorry to say that but as a female it doesn't look good.

[jeremy4719]

I'm back...

Well tonight she actually broke it off with me on the phone... I'm hurt and sad... I do though think that at some point, I'll be OK with it... Things with her were going down hill and even though I love her, that wasn't going to be enough... She simply doesn't know how to make a relationship work...

The reason she gave me for breaking up is that I made her feel like sex was mandatory... That almost made me laugh... We had sex (when things were good) maybe twice a week and it was always consentual and enjoyable... The part that really bothers me is that this is an obvious result of her troubled past... She had lots of problems with people picking on her and Might have been fondled or something by a grandparent in the wrong way as a kid... It really hurts me that I'm the result of years of pain she's suffered...

So there it is... We broke up (she initiated it)... She is going to meet me in a week to return the ring... This is really hard because I do have feelings for her, but I guess its meant to be this way...

[Chery]

If she did have a past that won't let her go, she could have been open with her 'fiance'. In a relationship where marriage is brought up one should reveal inner feelings enough to be understood.
I well understand that a past of any type of sexual abuse can make a person distance themselves from intimacy because they don't have a healthy attitude towards it.

When she comes to pick up her stuff and give you back the ring, mention the thought of therapy to her to help her in her future, and wish her the best.

I wish you all the best, dear, and hope you find someone who does not bring heavy baggage into the relationship.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[GlindaofOz]

I'm sorry to hear that but as I said it seems that both of you were not happy.

There is a lot on these forums about surviving a breakup. One of our members even wrote a survival guide! You can get through this. It sounds as if you too just weren't right for one another. Sometimes in the beginning it can seem as if it is so right and as time drags on it can become apparent that it just will not work.

I would say it is better to see this all now as opposed to a few years into marriage. Good luck. If you need any help or support during the first few painful months of breakup we are all always here.

[talaniman]

Important to know the whole story
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1677215
Neither was happy, or compatible or ready. And no, do not go on that cruise given the turn of events.