[idefix]

Hello
I'm 22 and I am in a relationship for two and a half years now; I have this very intelligent and gentle boy as a boyfriend. We have different nationalities and live in different countries - I'm romanian, he's french; we 're students, we're normal people, we're both ambitious and hardworking. We've met during a summer project and my boyfriend came very often in the country since then. We thought we had a strong, reliable connection, we thought we were in love. After one year, we broke up for three months, and meanwhile I realised I was in love with a very close friend of mine, but there were no chances for me and that friend to be together so I dropped it.
Few time after, we - me and my french bf- got back together and tried to rebuild what we had. Few months after that, his dad committed suicide, and that brought us closer, but afected him and his family in a very bad way. I moved to france, for us to be together, and got closer to his family. They're all wrecks, even after one year now. I never dealed with such a situation before, nor even observed. My boyfriend is getting more and more depressed and blocks himself, and me, from simply living and enjoying life, as good or bad as it is.
I really care for him, but I'm not sure I love him, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to be supportive but it works less and less, and I'm afraid of getting depressed, too. We both are getting worse, and relationship is going down, and I wish I could stop it, but I can't just run away and live him in the mess he is today. It's bad if I stay, bad if I leave and sometimes it's getting insane; it started to affect my studies and probably a great deal of my life. Please, if you've been in a similar situation, please tell me about your xperience, maybe it will help to find a solution, or at least help me find the patience to help my boyfriend.

[jrb252000]

It sounds like your boyfriend needs some counseling... dealing with the lost of a love one is a very traumatic experience. I would offer a supportive ear and offer to go with him.

[idefix]

It sounds like your bf needs some counseling...dealing with the lost of a love one is a very traumatic experience. I would offer a supportive ear and offer to go with him.

I thought of that, but he sais that it is wrong counseling lead his dad to suicide.

[jrb252000]

I would find another counseler that deals with grief/depression. You are the clear minded one in the relationship right now. Trust your judgement if you see he is getting worse or you feel no improvement is being mind find someone else.
If not maybe just find a support group... sometimes local area hosptials and or clincs have them and that way if he talks about some of it he will being the process of healing. In the meantime be supportive and let him know you are there for him and want to help him.

[idefix]

I would find another counseler that deals with grief/depression. You are the clear minded one in the relationship right now. Trust your judgement if you see he is getting worse or you feel no improvement is being mind find someone else.
If not maybe just find a support group...sometimes local area hosptials and or clincs have them and that way if he talks about some of it he will being the process of healing. In the meantime be supportive and let him know you are there for him and want to help him.

Your advices are useful, thank you. THe problem is, what to do when support really doesn't work anymore? I don't have any resource of patience left, and to avoid a crisis that would've been only destructive, I took few days "off" so I can be able to think clear. What if this will happen in the future? What if I won't have the strength to avoid a crisis in the future? What if I'll mess things up and affect him even more? The situation is really difficult and I'm starting wondering if it wouldn't be better to stop being as supportive as I've been for the past year now?

[sGt HarDKorE]

Well let him know how his depression is hurting you, and that if he wants to continue to be with you happily, then he should see a counsillor, or else you will not be able to handle the stress.