[MrsJoseph06]

I know this will be kind of long but I really apprechiate you read it and give me some advise I'm at my wits ends!

I went to the Dr. last week and she basiclly told me I need to have a baby ASAP! Let me give you a little history first. I have endometriosis, Overian cysts, and a heart condition. I have been dealing with all this since I was 16 I'm now 19. I got married last November. Anyway my endometriosis is coming back! My Dr. wants me to do another round of Lupron. I did it when I was 17 and it worked great but now that I know all the side effects of it and the problems associated with lupron I don't want to go there! My husband agrees! So here is my delema! We need to have a baby very soon! If I don't do the lupron my endo will just continue to get worse! And my chances of having a child will also go down. So that's part of my delma!

Secondly, we currently live in a 1 bedroom apartemnt our rent is 1295. Our lease is up September. We live in So. Cal. Where we live it is just crazy expensive! We both work for my Dad's construction company and we hate it! How ever we make pretty all right money and we know how much were making here.

We want to move to the moutians in Big Bear. My husband is very talented with fixing things we were a mechanic for awhile and a mechinest, and has been in construction for awhile. We think he could get a job pretty easily how ever we have no idea what he would get paid. I'm an Office Manger and I'm really good on a computer. I don't know what kind of job I could find but I would be willing to do what ever. Rent up there is significantly cheaper!

My question is do we chance it and move to Big Bear where we will be happy but don't know whaty kind of money we will have. Or stay here be misrable? I just don't know what to do! I'm scared that I'm not ready to be a Mom and all that's intelled with that! I could really use some advise! Thanks so much!

[rankrank55]

In my opinion, if you feel like your not ready then you are probably not. It also sounds as if you are borderline financially stable. In a perfect world you could just wait until you are 100% ready to provide for a child emotionally, physically, financially... the list goes one. Since you don't really have the option of waiting you can either try your hardest to become ready and go for it or you can wait, try to conceive and if that doesn't work you could adopt. It just makes me skeptical about having a child if you are not FULLY ready. I hate that you are in this situation hun.

[MrsJoseph06]

Thank you!

[rankrank55]

Your welcome, hopefully some others will give you their opinion as well.

[alkalineangel]

First of all, I'm sorry you are in a situation like this I understand how hard it is...

Now I also agree with rank, that if you are not emotionally ready to be a mother, you probably shouldn't be, but I understand the urgency. I suggest searching deep wothin and find out if you just aren't ready to handle a child or are just a little scared... if it is the latter, welcome to being a first time mom... we are all scared at the beginning... it is a huge task... but worth it.

Now as for the financial situation. I have always been a firm believer that happiness is more impt. Than the money. It sounds like you may/may not take a cut in pay, but will also take a cut in your living costs as well.. so it may just balance out. If you feel financially stable... you will be fine. You are never "where you want to be" financially when it comes to kids... you just kind of make it happen... I think that the move may be good for you if it will make you happier, but I don't know you personally, so I can't tell if it would suit you... talk to some friends... see what they say. Good luck...

[jrb252000]

You may want to wait for a child then. Even if you become infertile there are other options. I feel for your situation. Take care of your own health first.

If you want try to look on job boards such as monster.com or other type search engines to see what jobs are available. You can also go to salary.com and pick a job you could do (such as office manger) and put the zip code for BigBear in there to see the average salary. There are also apartments.com and forrent.com to see different apartments and prices in that area.
I used to live in S. Ca so I feel your pain. Good luck to you.

[crystalbivens]

If you wait till your ready 100% like rank said your never going to have a baby, Somehow when you get pregnant and that baby comes you realize you are ready.
Since time is running short for you it's time to consider weither you want children or not then everything else will fall into place.

[buggage]

I suggest that you look else where for your living situations. There are many many places that you could go to, where he would get very good pay for his skills(provided he is a dedicated worker, and is willing to have jobs that he may not always love) with rent that is reasonable. In life, especially when first starting, we don't always get to love where we are, and what we are doing. Especially when it comes to construction, you have to move where the work is. However, if you are willing to sacrifice and work hard, you can get to the point where you CAN go where you love and do what you love to do. I am just talking from my own personal experiences. We got married at 19, and pregnant right away.He had a job at Rite Aid making 6 dollars an hour, working 40 hours IF we were lucky. We started living in his mom's house with his mom, sister brother and his brothers family. It was crowded and tense(especially since his mom had to walk through our room, to get to hers. Talk about uncomfortable.) We finally moved to my home town(where I never wanted to return) and my husband had to take a job working for a fast food restaurant. It was DEFINITELY not what he wanted to do, but he did it, and we survived on his low wages. He went with a good attitude and worked hard, and got a management position. Then we got a job offer in Utah. We moved( 9 1/2 hour drive from where we were before) that job didn't pan out, and he had to take a job in construction. He didn't want to do it, but he took it. Once he got use to it, he started to love it and took pride in his work. He had to be away all week long, and was only home on weekends. After 8 months of this, we looked else where for work, and moved to AZ. We lived there for a year, before moving back to Utah, as work was dying out in AZ. All in all, this will be the 8th time I have moved in the last 4 years. Not at all my ideal. My point in telling you this isn't to say " tough, that is life". Not at all, my point is to encourage you that no matter the situation you find yourself in, you can always make it work. Its not always the ideal situation in the beginning, however, if you keep going your situation will get better. Because you will gain experience and knowledge as time passes. Your work will become more valued, you become more experienced with money management, and come to appreciate things in a different light. After starting at only 6 dollars an hour and living with his mom(hah), he now makes 15 building houses, and we two amazing children and have a beautiful 2 level 3 bedroom home with a yard for 575/month. To others, this may not seem like much. But to us it's a great deal more then ever before and it seems like a palace. So, keep your options open, don't set your sites on just one place. Look in other areas, research every thing deeply, send out lots of applications, research price of living and wages and really look into all your options before choosing one. Once everything gets settled in, if you feel confident in your situation, then you can start your family with confidence and security. Also, when you are not stressed over your circumstances, conceiveing often happens more quickly.

[MrsJoseph06]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this! You have no idea how much you all helped me! You help calm my worries! I have been so stressed that I have been making myself sick! There is just so much going on right now and it is great to have some reassurance.

I'm scared to have a child just because its such a life changing thing! I have not done much in my life! I have spent the last 3 1/2 years in bed sick! I missed out on high school and I was just looking forward to some time to travel and just experience life in general! But on the other hand both my husband and I have been in the opinion that we would rather have kids now than never have them at all! I know we could have a kid it's just scary you know! If we wait and I can't conceive a child I would be kicking myself for the rest of my life!

Were actually going up to Big Bear this weekend so wish me luck! I hope we can find jobs!!

[jrb252000]

Good luck to you. I would also try to see if they have a paper online and you can check the want ads.

[MrsJoseph06]

Yea I did it's the best place to find classified ads! I just want to thank everyone so much for your advise!