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    hot-chocolat1255's Avatar
    hot-chocolat1255 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 9, 2007, 06:36 AM
    Is my man gay?
    My boyfriend of 3 yrs has been telling me his fantasies lately in bed he wants me to watch him with another guy. At first I thought it was just a one time thing but that's all he talk's about in bed. He said it turns him on. We used to have sex about one's a week but know it's every day. He loves gay porn not staight porn (man & woman) we are getting married next year. Is he gay?
    happylady123's Avatar
    happylady123 Posts: 209, Reputation: 14
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    #2

    Aug 9, 2007, 07:44 AM
    Well only he can really answer that question. You should ask him about it if you are wondering since you are getting married soon.
    hot-chocolat1255's Avatar
    hot-chocolat1255 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 9, 2007, 07:51 AM
    I do ask him but he gets mad and changes the subject
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #4

    Aug 9, 2007, 07:54 AM
    It may just be a fantasy or it could be more. There are women out there who have fantasies about being with a woman or enjoy girl on girl porn.

    The truth is that if you think he is gay then you should end the relationship and not marry him. That's a pretty big doubt to have going into a marriage.

    Did this just recently start? Did it happen after you got engaged?
    hot-chocolat1255's Avatar
    hot-chocolat1255 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 9, 2007, 08:11 AM
    It happened last year but I got upset so he droped it.But it did happen a lot after we got engaged. I'm just mixed up
    2barnetts's Avatar
    2barnetts Posts: 3, Reputation: 3
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    #6

    Aug 9, 2007, 08:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by hot-chocolat1255
    my boyfriend of 3 yrs has been telling me his fantasies lately in bed he wants me to watch him with another guy. at first i thought it was just a one time thing but thats all he talk's about in bed. he said it turns him on. we used to have sex about one's a week but know it's every day. He loves gay porn not staight porn (man & woman) we are getting married next year. Is he gay?
    Wanting to be with another person in bed with either sex should be a warning sign. Watching two men in a video with you does not mean he is gay, but it could stimulate him thinking of you watching two men with different size penis. Being with another man in bed while you watch is this not considered cheating to you? At least give him credit for telling you now so you can dump him before you get married and then find out. Being a man myself I would think he has gay or is very bi-sexual.
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #7

    Aug 9, 2007, 08:14 AM
    Well maybe its like I said how some people get turned on by same sex coupling. It doesn't necessarily mean anything it may just be a fantasy. Maybe once you both got engaged he felt he could express his desires.

    If you worry that its more he needs to tell you. Maybe you guys should do some counseling before you move forward with your wedding.
    happylady123's Avatar
    happylady123 Posts: 209, Reputation: 14
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    #8

    Aug 9, 2007, 10:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by hot-chocolat1255
    I do ask him but he gets mad and changes the subject
    He shouldn't get mad. If he's avoiding the subject he obviously feels uncomfortable talking about it, and if he is straight he should have no problem with that conversation. If you are having doubts now before you guys are married you should think long and hard about how you are going to feel about it after marriage. If he is gay and hiding it you don't know how long he's going to stay in the closet. It would stink to be married for 10 years or something and have him finally admit he's gay. You don't want that, so I would keep asking and ask him why he has to change the subject. He owes it to you and himself to be honest and just tell you if he's gay.
    giani513's Avatar
    giani513 Posts: 179, Reputation: 47
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    #9

    Aug 9, 2007, 12:41 PM
    How about a "safe" answer... Say you feel that watching him with another man would be like him cheating on you. A safe way for you two to explore this fantasy would be for you to use a strap-on dildo. He can give you oral, he could "receive" from you, or he could hold you and feel what it is like to hold another man... all without a third party.
    iloveLf221's Avatar
    iloveLf221 Posts: 62, Reputation: 5
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    #10

    Aug 9, 2007, 02:08 PM
    Well, if he still has sex with you a lot, but still has fantasies about the same sex, maybe he's metro, or bi-sexual. You should approach him on the subject, especially if you're getting married soon!
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #11

    Aug 9, 2007, 03:09 PM
    Hello.

    From what you said he has had this fantasy for a long time so its not just a new thing that will pass. I think my first question would be has he ever been with a Man. I have the feeling the answer would be yes and he is missing the excitement he gets from it.

    You can't marry him until you have worked past this problem. Im not sure how open you are but if it is a fantasy he has never acted on maybe letting him act it out will show him its not want he wanted and will forget the idea OR it will be everything he ever wanted and you will know he isn't going to be the man you need in life.

    If you can't let him act it out then you need to move on and find a Man that will treat you like the special Lady you are.

    Good Luck
    Dennis777
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #12

    Aug 10, 2007, 06:32 AM
    He may have Bi tendencies but not gay. Gay guys aren't turned on by women. Bi guys get turned on by both.

    But.. fantasies are just that fantasies. We all have them, some we would never dream about acting out on.

    Look at it this way... he's comfortable enough with you to tell this to you. Its not like he asked you to actually do this.

    Incidentally the wife had a fantasy like that. She wanted to see me with like 4 well endowed guys. Its just a fantasy. I never got upset with her about it, she knows I'm straight. Hell I even use that as a way to really turn her on at the right time. No reason to be upset about it.
    LADY_LUV's Avatar
    LADY_LUV Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:23 AM
    Hes Pretty Much Gay
    Ok yea... that's gay a man should not want to watch two other man get their groove on unless he want to join and if so than yea hes gay!:) if my boyfriend evey said some stuff like that to me im out no questions asked cause later down the line i don't want to come home from work and find him and bed with the neighbors husband
    LADY_LUV's Avatar
    LADY_LUV Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy
    He may have Bi tendencies but not gay. Gay guys aren't turned on by women. Bi guys get turned on by both.

    But..fantasies are just that fantasies. We all have them, some we would never dream about acting out on.

    Look at it this way....he's comfortable enough with you to tell this to you. Its not like he asked you to actually do this.

    Incidentally the wife had a fantasy like that. She wanted to see me with like 4 well endowed guys. Its just a fantasy. I never got upset with her about it, she knows I'm straight. Hell I even use that as a way to really turn her on at the right time. No reason to be upset about it.



    That's a lie some gay guy are turned on by women.. and i thought you were supposed to make your fantasies come true. If your having fantasies about your girlfriend being and a pink teddy your not going to ask her to go out and get one? I think you will.. and what do u mean u use it to turn her on so what do u do play with a dildo gayyyyyyy
    LADY_LUV's Avatar
    LADY_LUV Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:32 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis777
    Hello.

    From what you said he has had this fantasy for a long time so its not just a new thing that will pass. I think my first question would be has he ever been with a Man. I have the feeling the answer would be yes and he is missing the excitement he gets from it.

    You can't marry him until you have worked past this problem. Im not sure how open you are but if it is a fantasy he has never acted on maybe letting him act it out will show him its not want he wanted and will forget the idea OR it will be everything he ever wanted and you will know he isn't going to be the man you need in life.

    If you can't let him act it out then you need to move on and find a Man that will treat you like the special Lady you are.

    Good Luck
    Dennis777

    I agree with dennis777 ask him if he ever been with a man and if so run like hell
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #16

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by LADY_LUV
    THATS A LIE SOME GAY GUY ARE TURNED ON BY WOMEN.. AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOUR FANTASIES COME TRUE. IF YOUR HAVING FANTASIES ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND BEING AND A PINK TEDDY YOUR NOT GOING TO ASK HER TO GO OUT AND GET ONE? I THINK YOU WILL..AND WHAT DO U MEAN U USE IT TO TURN HER ON SO WHAT DO U DO PLAY WITH A DILDO GAYYYYYYY
    If a guy is turned on by women as well as men he is Bisexual... not gay.

    And anything you do with you partner that you both like is fair game. If its consensual I won't mock anyone. To many horrible relationships that lead to too much cheating due to too many sexually repressed people out there.


    Incidentally for those women who think they are doing everything they need to by laying on your back and raising your legs once a week and nothing more shouldn't be surprised when he looks elsewhere. And conversely for the guys who refuse to do more than missionary with their women shouldn't be surprised when they stray as well.
    mickey22's Avatar
    mickey22 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Aug 20, 2007, 05:53 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by hot-chocolat1255
    my boyfriend of 3 yrs has been telling me his fantasies lately in bed he wants me to watch him with another guy. at first i thought it was just a one time thing but thats all he talk's about in bed. he said it turns him on. we used to have sex about one's a week but know it's every day. He loves gay porn not staight porn (man & woman) we are getting married next year. Is he gay?
    I would say yes, just ask him
    Ciel's Avatar
    Ciel Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Aug 20, 2007, 07:52 PM
    My concern would be that he is secretly having relations with men now; which has the potential to be more than emotionally harmful to you. In some ways, it sounds like a very roundabout way of actually coming out to you. I wouldn't ignore it. Even if he isn't gay, he is providing several indicators that he is not suitable for you. This makes you unhappy, and I have a feeling it will only get worse. I would strongly consisider not marrying him.
    Matt3046's Avatar
    Matt3046 Posts: 831, Reputation: 128
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    #19

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:08 PM
    If you had to ask? Uh yeah.
    dreamangel226's Avatar
    dreamangel226 Posts: 22, Reputation: 2
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    #20

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:22 PM
    Maybe you should try to have an upfront conversation with him. Tell him that you are confused by his signals and there is no need for him to get upset, you are just trying to keep the lines of communication open. If he becomes defensive, maybe that is a sign that he is hiding something. Bottom line, if you have doubts about something, proceed with caution.

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