[pinky5]

Hi. I am married and we have a 5 yr. old son and one on the way. We live in a small town which I hate. I have a relative who lives a street down and tells me how to live my life and how I should take care of my son and she spies on me all the time. Sometimes I think she bugged my house. My husband's a mama's boy who will never grow up. His mother also tells us how to live and what we should do. She babies him infrount of the family. And I believe she does it to upset me. I don't get upset because she's the one who looks stupid. My husband yells at her every time. And tells her to get a life. That's the only time he will ever yell at her though. In his eyes, she does no wrong. But of course, I do do every thing wrong. I swear he would choose her over my son and I any day. And I understand the whole mother-in-law thing, but I think its worse than that. She is a good person. She just does things to upset me on purpose. I really believe that I don't love my husband any more. I want to leave him so badly. I don't have a job or any money to support myself or my children. I can't even afford day care. I just don't know what to do. I just want to be happy and I'm not. My husband use to be fun now he doesn't want to do anything. All he does is work. We only see him like 3 hrs a night. Hes not a family man at all except with his family not with me or my son. He talks to his mom like 5 times a day. He won't even call me back when I call him at work. I'm just tired of living this life and I don't want to live it no more.

[otto186]

If you are unhappy then I believe you shouldn't stay, but that is just my opinion and opinions don't always mean anything. Being unhappy for a lot of years can cause damage to you mentally. Have you ever sat him down seriously and just told him how you feel? If he knows how serious the situation is he may change his ways. He may not realize he is neglecting you the way he is. As far as the mamas boy issue, lots of people have problems with their inlaws, but this sounds like a bad problem. No one has the right to interfere with your life and the way you raise your children. Have you told her how you feel about her actions?

[JoeCanada76]

I think you need to have a heart to heart with this man. Tell him how you feel and what you think. That his family is with you and his son and that those should be his priorities and you do not feel like he is meeting them. The less time you spend with each other and the more the mother law intereferes the more likely this marriage will fail. It needs to be worked on by both partners and at some point the mother in law needs to be told to butt out or else. Tough love here is needed. Of course, this is just my opinion. I also think counseling is important. If both of you want it to work then this should be an option before jumping the gun on leaving.

[jrb252000]

I would have to agree with trying the counseling. Marriages can fall into a rut so quickly. Next time your family or in-laws make suggestions let them know that you thank them for the advice but you feel comfortable with how your house is running. Maybe you all can try to set one night a week for family night, or find a family hobby that everyone can enjoy.

[stonewilder]

I think you need to have a heart to heart with this man. Tell him how you feel and what you think. That his family is with you and his son and that those should be his priorities and you do not feel like he is meeting them. The less time you spend with each other and the more the mother law intereferes the more likely this marriage will fail. It needs to be worked on by both partners and at some point the mother in law needs to be told to butt out or else. Tough love here is needed. Of course, this is just my opinion. I also think counseling is important. If both of you want it to work then this should be an option before jumping the gun on leaving.

I think this is a good answer. I know things are hard but you must realize that being a single parent is very hard too and can be very lonely as well. As with your husband working so much I think you should be thankful for that because it takes a lot of money to support a wife, a child and one on the way. At the same time though it is time your husband gets winged off mama's tit and start acting like a man with a family that needs him.

[Kattalover]

I don't mean to be mean, but I can't help wondering why you're having a second baby if you are so unhappy with your husband and your life.

I'm also wondering if maybe your pregnancy has something to do with your current emotional state.

[Dennis777]

Hello.

There had to be Love when you started so the key is to get the spark back. The first thing is to look inside yourself and see if you can get the spark back. If you can't then walk away from the relationship. If you can then lets keep going. Next talk to his Mom like she is your mom and ask her for help. She might be a pain but when it comes down to reality she wants her grand kids happy and that means helping you get back the spark. Next you need to start working on him. Its not going to change over night so start doing all the little things that you would have years ago. Sexy Notes in his lunch box (or whatever he takes to work) Maybe have his mom watch the kids so you can have a nice romantic dinner. Just remember if he sees that spark in you he will get it back. If he doesn't see the spark its never going to work.

Good Luck
Dennis777

[pinky5]

I don't mean to be mean, but I can't help wondering why you're having a second baby if you are so unhappy with your husband and your life.

I'm also wondering if maybe your pregnancy has something to do with your current emotional state.

I wanted my son to have a brother or sister. If I'm going to have kids, I would rather have them with the same father. Its more for my son. And I really want another also.

[pinky5]

I would have to agree with trying the counseling. Marriages can fall into a rut so quickly. Next time your family or in-laws make suggestions let them know that you thank them for the advice but you feel comfortable with how your house is running. Maybe you all can try to set one night a week for family night, or find a family hobby that everyone can enjoy.

We were doing councling, but he decided to stop going. He doesn't have time to do stuff with the family.

[stonewilder]

I wanted my son to have a brother or sister. If I'm going to have kids, I would rather have them with the same father. Its more for my son. And I really want another also.

Now I'm wondering who's being stupid and selfish here! It's sounding like you just want to have a bunch of kids so your future ex can pay child support while you sit on your a** and let him and us tax payers support you.

[momincali]

As badly as I feel for your feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, I have to say that they are still, only feelings and too many families fall apart because mom and dad weren't happy. What happened to commitment? For better or worse? Yes, I agree that this guy is probably not the best choice, yet you chose him. There was something about this guy that you just could not live without, what was it? There was something about this guy that you wanted to have not just one baby but two with him. His mother is not ideal, I agree, but you knew that before you married him. She's entitled to her opinions but it doesn't mean you have to do what she suggests.

Believe me when I tell you I feel your pain, especially in regards to her because I have one of those myself. However, I've found that the best revenge is showing her how happy I am with her son and that now he belongs to me, not her. I thank her profusely for her concern but I tell her as kindly as I can with a smile on my face and holding her hand that these things are between my husband and I and we will handle it accordingly. I tell her that I have all the confidence in my husband that he will be the provider not only of finances but wisdom to resolve any issues we have. What did I just accomplish with that? I told her to mind her own darn business and just raised my husband up which made him happy and made he and I seem more like a team and not him and her! Your son needs your husband under the same roof. Your unborn child will need the same. Talk to your husband, not just about the problem, but in general. Communicate even if you think he's not listening. Become his friend again. Flirt with him. Make his favorite meals. Act as though you were trying to get him to marry you all over again. I know because of the circumstances it may be strained but it can be done if you do it faithfully. Eventually, it will change. The effort you put into it is all for your kids sake, but in the end will benefit you all. Above all, if you are a believer in God, pray, boldly and without fail.

[talaniman]

Because he will not go to a counselor, doesn't mean you can't go and get benefit from it. As unhappy as you are now, I would wait until after the child is born before you make any major decisions right now. Can you not count on your own family for support? I'm really not seeing a lot of honest communition, or working together here, and they are both essential for a relationship.

[pinky5]

Now I'm wondering who's being stupid and selfish here! It's sounding like you just want to have a bunch of kids so your future ex can pay child support while you sit on your a** and let him and us tax payers support you.

IF you have nothing good to say, stay out of my damn business! I am asking for people who actucally care not someone who is retarded. You don't know me. Don't ever write to me again I want just two kids. Now why would I get a divorce, have another kid with someone else. I want my children to have the same dad. Not that having two different fathers is bad. I just think it would be easier. Go to hell!

[jrb252000]

It is sad to say but bringing in another child to a unhappy and seemingly loveless marriage is only going to make matters worse. Kids are very keen on stuff like this. I hope you all work out your issues for the kids.

[pinky5]

As badly as I feel for your feelings of unhappiness and disatisfaction, I have to say that they are still, only feelings and too many families fall apart because mom and dad weren't happy. What happened to committment? For better or worse? Yes, I agree that this guy is probably not the best choice, yet you chose him. There was something about this guy that you just could not live without, what was it? There was something about this guy that you wanted to have not just one baby but two with him. His mother is not ideal, I agree, but you knew that before you married him. She's entitled to her opinions but it doesn't mean you have to do what she suggests.

Believe me when I tell you I feel your pain, especially in regards to her because I have one of those myself. However, I've found that the best revenge is showing her how happy I am with her son and that now he belongs to me, not her. I thank her profusely for her concern but I tell her as kindly as I can with a smile on my face and holding her hand that these things are between my husband and I and we will handle it accordingly. I tell her that I have all the confidence in my husband that he will be the provider not only of finances but wisdom to resolve any issues we have. What did I just accomplish with that? I told her to mind her own darn business and just raised my husband up which made him happy and made he and I seem more like a team and not him and her! Your son needs your husband under the same roof. Your unborn child will need the same. Talk to your husband, not just about the problem, but in general. Communicate even if you think he's not listening. Become his friend again. Flirt with him. Make his favorite meals. Act as though you were trying to get him to marry you all over again. I know because of the circumstances it may be strained but it can be done if you do it faithfully. Eventually, it will change. The effort you put into it is all for your kids sake, but in the end will benefit you all. Above all, if you are a believer in God, pray, boldly and without fail.

Thank you so much. You answer was great. Its so nice to see that people do care. I did want another child with him because I think my children need the same father. Not that I think having differ fathers are a bad thing. I just want my kids to have the same dad. As for staying with him for the children, I really don't agree on that. Because I have to do it for myself also. I really do want my children to be happy, but I need to be happy too. Thank you so much for your help. You were very helpful!

[pinky5]

Because he will not go to a counselor, doesn't mean you can't go and get benefit from it. As unhappy as you are now, I would wait until after the child is born before you make any major decisions right now. Can you not count on your own family for support? I'm really not seeing a lot of honest communition, or working together here, and they are both essential for a relationship.

I do understand where you are going with this. I just so angry with everything that goes on in my life. How he talks to me, ignores me, doesn't do anything with his son, so many more reasons. I would just feel weird going to the counselor by myself. I can't count on my family. My family has problems of their own. I understand we do have to communicate. That is something that we do lack on. Thank you for caring.

[s_cianci]

Are you sure that your mother-in-law does things purposely, just to upset you? That might not be her intention at all ; it may just be her nature. You sound like you truly are unhappy in your marriage and want out, but what's the alternative? Divorce, custody battles, disputes over visitation, child support and alimony that may or may not get paid, disputes over the marital home and assets. An almost guaranteed reduction in standard of living for you and your children and limited opportunities for you to relocate away from the small town that you hate so much and make a new life for yourself (due to visitation), not to mention ostracism from the neighbors and relatives (yours as well as his ; don't forget the "small town" mentality.) I'm sorry, but I don't really see any compelling reason for you to leave this marriage and I think doing so will create more problems than it will solve. Some marriage counseling may be in the cards as a means of hopefully improving your marriage but I really don't think leaving is an option at this point.

[momincali]

Oh Pinky, I know you think that staying with him for the kid's sake is not the answer but I can see how much you love your kids, and doing something for them, will feel like it's making you happy too. Maybe not in the beginning, but it will. I'm not walking in your shoes, so I know it's much easier said than done. Your anger towards him is like a poison, but you're not giving it to him, you're taking it yourself. And I know that leaving him will seem like it will relieve you from that anger, but in reality, it will only follow you. The only difference is that now, you will angry because your children are in a broken home, because he was too much of a jerk to work things out. Life isn't easy and rarely fair, but when kid's are involved, we as parents have to suck it up, for them. YES, by all means, a parent's happiness is important, but it's not the do all end all. I can read it in your posts, you're a good mom, you want to do the right thing, but he makes it soooo hard. It's even harder when like you told Tal that you have no family to depend on either. Can I ask you, do you go to church? My husband was kind of in the same boat. He only had 2 brothers and the one he got along with most passed away. He felt so alone and lonely. Even with me around, I was his everything, but you still need that person, those people who are your support system in addition to your spouse. He found that when we began going to church. They became his family. Blood didn't matter at that point. They were and still are so supportive of us both. It's a great feeling and then you get to be there for someone else and then you know why you became a member of that church. Whatever you decide, I do wish you strength and wisdom and all the best.

[pinky5]

Oh Pinky, I know you think that staying with him for the kid's sake is not the answer but I can see how much you love your kids, and doing something for them, will feel like it's making you happy too. Maybe not in the beginning, but it will. I'm not walking in your shoes, so I know it's much easier said than done. Your anger towards him is like a poison, but you're not giving it to him, you're taking it yourself. And I know that leaving him will seem like it will relieve you from that anger, but in reality, it will only follow you. The only difference is that now, you will angry because your children are in a broken home, because he was too much of a jerk to work things out. Life isn't easy and rarely fair, but when kid's are involved, we as parents have to suck it up, for them. YES, by all means, a parent's happiness is important, but it's not the do all end all. I can read it in your posts, you're a good mom, you want to do the right thing, but he makes it soooo hard. It's even harder when like you told Tal that you have no family to depend on either. Can I ask you, do you go to church? My husband was kinda in the same boat. He only had 2 brothers and the one he got along with most passed away. He felt so alone and lonely. Even with me around, I was his everything, but you still need that person, those people who are your support system in addition to your spouse. He found that when we began going to church. They became his family. Blood didn't matter at that point. They were and still are so supportive of us both. It's a great feeling and then you get to be there for someone else and then you know why you became a member of that church. Whatever you decide, I do wish you strength and wisdom and all the best.

Thank you so much. I really like talking to you. Its like talking to a mother that really cares. If you knew everything that goes on in my home, which I only wrote some of the few, nothing like cheating or bad like that, people would understand more. I just chose to write a few things. To be honest, I really do love him, I just wish things would go better with us. I mean sometimes I think about how it would be so nice to have my own place with my children. But then, I think about how lonely I would be without him. Then sometimes I think, someone could treat me a lot better. I don't know. I'm just so confused. You are a really great listener.

[stonewilder]

f**k you! IF you have nothing good to say, stay out of my damn business! I am asking for people who actucally care not someone who is retarded. You don't know me. Don't ever write to me again *itch! I want just two kids. Now why would I get a divorce, have another kid with someone else. I want my children to have the same dad. Not that having two different fathers is bad. I just think it would be easier. Go to hell!

I think I hit a nerve,I wonder why... HA!