Don't know what to do.

HistorianChick · Dec 10, 2008, 08:59 AM

Christmas was always my favorite time of year. Snow, lights, presents, carols... all that good stuff.

I've been in relationships and have lost loves - including a fiancé who left me at the altar - but the one relationship that I miss most is my Dad.

He passed away 5 years ago last month. Above all, it is the one thing that tarnishes this time of year.

The first year that he was gone my family and I knew that we couldn't just do the same-old-same-old family traditions, because they would never be the same. So, we made new ones.

In my opinion, holidays are not about what we've lost, but about what we have. What we've been blessed with, not what we have had taken from us. When we can look at a holiday without the person that we love beside us and know that its going to be all right, that holidays are still full of cheer and goodwill, and feel truly blessed to be with the ones that care for us and make us feel whole, THAT is when the holidays become real again.

I hope that you are able to find that reality - I'm not saying the pain goes away, but it helps refocus on what really matters.

southerngalps · Dec 10, 2008, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Both you gals are awesome in my book! You two deserve the happiness that you will soon find. If I was around you, I would give you both a huge hug. God bless ya both :)

Thanks, you're sweet ;) happy holidays!

starbuck8 · Dec 10, 2008, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

thanks so much, starbuck. it's kind of ironic...he passed away in september, but he did leave me with a precious gift, and didn't even know he did. i have a baby boy on the way.

crazy hah??

i can imagine how you feel at christmas time. what a horrilbe memory! you are strong! and you have all of us here too! ;)

I'm glad you have that precious gift that he gave you for Christmas. I'm sure he will also be right there celebrating with you, and will leave many memories behind for you and your son. I wish you a very peaceful and Happy Christmas! Take care of that little one. I know his Daddy is giving an extra hand to help you through. :)

southerngalps · Dec 10, 2008, 09:49 AM

Another tear :) you are sweet. I know he will be watching over us. Happy holidays to you too! Xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

wolfgangqpublic · Dec 10, 2008, 10:54 AM

Well, I was involved last Christmas, and not this Christmas. But I've always seen Christmas as more a family event as that was the context it has been in for most of my life. In fact, my ex and I did not see each other on Christmas at all. New Year's (where we did spend time together, and which has much less of a family component) may be harder. But who knows what opportunities lie around the corner... there appear to be a few.

friend4u178 · Dec 10, 2008, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

it's kind of ironic...he passed away in september, but he did leave me with a precious gift, and didn't even know he did. i have a baby boy on the way.

crazy hah??

WOW... so sorry to hear of your loss southerngalps , I'm sure your little addition to the family will be very special :)

I lost my father a few years ago at this time so I have mixed feelings at this time as well.

I always look up at the stars on Christmas Eve and without fail there is a Star which shines brighter than the others. I always feel that is him looking down and saying it's OK , I'm in a better place.

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 06:19 PM

I really think Christmas is great in some ways but it can be so hard for people.

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems guys.

I wish all you guys the merriest of Christmas (es)

starbuck8 · Dec 10, 2008, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

WOW............so sorry to hear of your loss southerngalps , I'm sure your little addition to the family will be very special :)

I lost my father a few years ago at this time so I have mixed feelings at this time as well.

I always look up at the stars on Christmas Eve and without fail there is a Star which shines brighter than the others. I always feel that is him looking down and saying it's ok , I'm in a better place.

I'm sure your Dad is making that star shine extra bright just for you M, and I bet he's happy that you notice it! :)

TrueFaith · Dec 10, 2008, 06:57 PM

I always think back at the good times.

yeah it sucks. But what we have to remember is to not make it all good.

because there was a reason why they left or you left.

just to get some perspective.

best thing I do. Is I use christmass day just to focus on myself :) OK yeah and my family and loved ones sure
but I leave my Xs totally out of my head =)

as a gift from me... to me

Fr_Chuck · Dec 10, 2008, 07:00 PM

Yes, after spending the last 10 with my now EX wife for the holidays, often her larger family there, This will be a loney one, going to spend it most likely on here ( guess that is sad) my online family.

friend4u178 · Dec 10, 2008, 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by starbuck8

Comments on this post
starbuck8 agrees: Batman's a softy...I knew it! ;)

Ssshhhh... I have my tough persona to uphold :rolleyes:

frangipanis · Dec 11, 2008, 01:58 AM

Silent Night always brings home to me what Christmas is about.

to everyone here who have all touched someone's heart in a special way throughout this past year,

wishing you a blessed and Happy Christmas*

Silent Night Greeting RiverSongs Christmas Cards Greetings

DazT · Jun 27, 2009, 10:31 AM

It has now been 15 months since me and my ex have broken up. In March last year, we decided to completely break up and I went through a spell right through to July of not seeing her or talking to her until I bumped her into one night. I started seeing her again in September for a few weeks and nothing until March this year again when I stupidly started seeing her again until May.

Now I haven't heard from her since May when we ended it again.

I know I shouldn't keep going back to her because hot and cold does not describe this girl. She is very immature I guess the way she wants me back so much and then when we're seeing each other again, she's not interested. I guess that hurts the most and I'm emotionally confused.

Psyle · Jun 27, 2009, 12:00 PM

I know what you're going through. It seems as if when you're apart she can't wait to see you, then when you're together for awhile she can't wait to get away from you.

All this is doing is playing with your heart because you're constantly trying to figure out what the heck she wants.

I suggest sticking to the no contact like you did before, only now recognizing that when those feeling come back and she tries to contact you, remember what happened last time and that it'll most likely turn into her not being interested.

talaniman · Jun 27, 2009, 04:41 PM

she wants me back so much and then when we're seeing each other again, she's not interested. I guess that hurts the most and I'm emotionally confused.

Sooner or later, you will figure out that cutting all contact with her, will allow the confusion to end.

DazT · Nov 22, 2009, 02:59 AM

Threads merged, yet again.

Hello all,

Its been a while but dazt is right back on amhd..

Basically, last I heard from my ex was that she had got a boyfriend.. so I beg for her to come back to me, knowing that it would never work. She told me she was happier with her new boyfriend that she was with me, so I did the right thing and told her I had to accept that and move on.

So last night I bump into her at a birthday party.. we don't make any eye contact but she tells one of my mates to tell me that she has broken up with her boyfriend.

What sort of a mug would I have been to have spent the night with her, so I tell my mate that she had her chances.

Next thing I know, she snogs 3 different boys, all in front of me..

My heart is crushed once more..

ROLCAM · Nov 22, 2009, 03:34 AM

Your decision had been made.
You should ignore whatever she does.
This is really NOT your business.

zippit · Nov 22, 2009, 03:39 AM

Her actions shows you made the wise decision you should have laughed your a** off at her and walked with your head high..

amicon · Nov 22, 2009, 04:34 AM

Don't let her childish behaviour upset you. She had her chance and she blew it.

redhed35 · Nov 22, 2009, 04:44 AM

You asked her back even though you knew it would never work... somewhere in your head you have suffered enough... you need to tell your heart that...

She has moved on... she is not crushed..

You need to take a leaf out of her book and move on... today,instead of moping and feeling sad and hurt,go out into the world and live!

There are always other girls and other relationships,it may not feel like that now,but I can assure you,the sooner you say goodbye to the ex girlfriend and start no contact,you will feel more empowered and stronger... make a decision today,that she no longer has the power to hurt you... YOU are in charge of your heart,head,mind, body and soul,and no else can dictate by their actions how you will live your life.