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divine_rider · Aug 7, 2007, 02:48 PM

I was casually dating a man (Man #1) for about 4 months, we were not committed to each other and it was more of a "booty call" situation than anything else. We had even discussed that if things did not work out we would always be friends.

I had not seen or talked to him in over a month when I ran into him at a restaurant. We had a couple of drinks together and really good conversation. Then he asked what I was doing after and I told him I was going home. He was a little surprised that I turned him down. However, I had started dating a new man (Man #2) about a 2 weeks prior to that. I had an amazing first date with Man #2 and we continue to see each other almost daily and talk on the phone constantly. At this point in my life, I am looking for a relationship and not just a "booty call" situation.

A week later, I was out at a restaurant with Man #2 and some of our friends. Man #1 ended up being at the same restaurant. He talked to one of my friends and he was really angry that I was there with someone else.

My question is: Where did I go wrong? The fact that I had not seen or talked to Man #1 in over a month meant to me that the "relationship" or "booty call" was over. He and I were never committed to each other. Did I do something wrong by starting to date someone else when I had not heard from him in over a month?

Also, I do care about Man #1 and I want to continue to be friends with him. Should I call him to clear the air? If so, what should I say? :confused:

otto186 · Aug 7, 2007, 03:18 PM

It sounds like man #1 was jealous, and might want more of the relationship than a booty call. What you can do is ask him why he is acting this way. Ask him if he wants more than just sex. If he wants to spark a real relationship with you then you'll have a dilemma on which one you want to choose. Or if you just want to be friends with him, tell him that. Most guys want to be the only one in a woman's life even if it is just a booty call. The best way to know what he is feeling is to just ask.:)

divine_rider · Aug 7, 2007, 04:20 PM

Thank you Otto186... your right, the best way to know what someone is thinking is to just ask. I guess I was just feeling like I did something wrong and I am unsure of how he will respond.

Do you think I did something wrong by moving on? Especially since I hadn't seen him in over a month?

otto186 · Aug 7, 2007, 04:22 PM

I don't think you did anything wrong considering the fact that all you thought it was was a booty call, and you hadn't seen him in over a month. If I was dating someone casually and didn't hear from them for over a month I would probably move on too.

Skell · Aug 7, 2007, 04:24 PM

You did nothing wrong. He is the jealous type and its probably a good thing your not further involved with him.

Continue doing what your doing. As long as your honest no one should mind.

divine_rider · Aug 7, 2007, 04:30 PM

Thanks Skell... Do you think that possibly he was hurt and that he did not realize I had already moved on? Part of the reason I am having a hard time with this is that if it had been more of a relationship than a "booty call" I would have never moved on... :(

otto186 · Aug 7, 2007, 04:34 PM

Was the decision to not make this a relationship yours or his? If it was his it sounds like it was his loss.

divine_rider · Aug 7, 2007, 04:45 PM

It wasn't really anyone's decision... we just kind of lost touch. We never discussed that it was over but neither of us contacted the other.

On my part, I guess I have been ruined by the idea that if he wants you he will do anything to see you and if he doesn't call then "he's just not that into you"---so I basically didn't contact him and just let it go.

otto186 · Aug 7, 2007, 04:48 PM

In all honesty I am a man so I know how we are and our jealousy issues can get out of control sometimes. If he is showing jealousy when you aren't even in a relationship it is probably best that you two don't talk anymore. Trust is a big part of a relationship and if he shows a lot of jealousy he obviously wouldn't trust you even if you were in a relationship.

Tuscany · Aug 7, 2007, 04:50 PM

Since you lost touch and you deemed this relationship a booty call, you were obviously not invested in the relationship. However, that does not mean that he was not hoping for something more and now is hurt and jealous that you have moved on.

You have done nothing wrong by seeing someone new. You were not in a committed relationship. That being said I think you should concentrate on your new relationship and let guy #1 cool down a bit. You don't really owe guy #1 anything, and you owe it to yourself and the new guy to give this new relationship your all.

Best of luck!

divine_rider · Aug 7, 2007, 05:04 PM

Thanks Everyone! Basically, I should have communicated my feelings with Man #1 a month ago... then at that point, he could have told me that he was into me to or that he didn't have feelings for me other than sexual. I guess I wasn't ready to hear the answer so I just let it go. Although I still have feelings for Man #1, I have moved on and Man #2 is great!

It is hard living in a smallish town and I hope to not run into Man #1 too often...

GlindaofOz · Aug 7, 2007, 05:05 PM

I think you have figured out already divine rider. I have a feeling you are just looking validation that you are right. I agree with everyone that he got jealous and territorial. He might have thought that whenever you were not with him you were sitting at him by the phone just waiting for his call. Little did he realize you were out there dating another man.

I agree with you as well that if he didn't call for a whole month then clearly he was not that serious about you. It maybe have been wounded pride more then anything.

Good luck with man #2.