[Borgat]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over a year now. She has been acting a little funny for a little less than a week now. Today we talked and she came to the conclusion that she wants to start over as friends and move on from there. When I started giving my input, I said that I don't feel that way but she feels that we are just boyfriend and girlfriend and not friends, she feels if we start over as just friends, meaning we won't see each other as often, tell each other we love each other, holding each other etc.

I told her I couldn't just see her as a friend afterwards and she asked me why not, I told her that I've given her my whole heart and everything and I can't just she her as a friend the next day. I can't have the normal friend feelings for her. She even asked me wouldn't I like to meet other people etc...

This went on for a little while when she just gave up and said leave it and I shouldn't be bothered about it. How couldn't I be?

Is she trying to tell me something?

She ended it all that I shouldn't speak to anyone about it but I've been up for a while now unable to sleep and I just can't find any answers for myself.

Please can someone give me some input on this?
What should I do?

[jrb252000]

I think she feels like she wants to go explore what else is out there. It is hard to go back to being friends after you have dated especially if one person is still in love.
Sounds like she wants breathing space but is planning on keeping you on the back burner for a just in case back up.
I would let her go and try to involve yourself in other activities. Only time can mend a broken heart.

[Ash123]

How old are you all?

[thadevilsadvocate]

I'm sorry, but this is bad news for you. Having lost the girl that I considered to be the love of my life, in a very similar manner, I have a very good idea of this kind of situation and what can and may result. In my situation, we were in love and had been together a little over a year, and she suddenly she started wanting to go out all the time. Eventually she told me that she wanted her independence and wanted to be friends with me, and see what happened from there. I told her I wouldn't be waiting for her if she did this, and so I gave her this freedom that she wanted. It lasted a few days, before she had to deal with the realization that she wouldn't have me, and she came back... Only to leave me again, for the very same reasons a year later... which made it more even more painful and harder to deal with because I by that time I had finally been able to put the entire thing behind me and develop complete trust for her again... and I was crushed. This situation hasn't only occurred to me, but I have seen it happen to many of my friends as well... This is not to discourage you, but rather to inform you, that once these thoughts cross her mind, even if she says not to worry about it, the thoughts are still bouncing around in her mind. I just want you to know where this can end up, so you can begin to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.

My guess is that you two weren't necessarily friends for a long time, if at all, before you got involved in a relationship... but lets not even consider that to be relevant right now.

So what is causing her to want to just be friends with you? Well, she could either be bored, not necessarily with you, but with the routine of having a relationship. She could have lost feelings for your... this doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, but over time, she has lost some of the feelings she had for you when you first started dating, as the excitement which takes place during the first year or so of a relationship, begins to wear off. She wants to have the freedom to do whatever she wants, when she wants, and not have to worry about dealing with the consequences. No, just as in my case, you may be giving her all the freedom in the world, but that is not how she sees it. To her, as long as she is still in a relationship with you, she doesn't have all the freedom she wants. It is messed up, but that unfortunate way that some people think.

So, why did she tell you just to forget it and not think about it? Well, she realized the same thing my girlfriend had realized, only your girlfriend realized in a very short period. Sometimes, when you think of something, it seems like a good idea, but then when you actually begin to put it in to action, it doesn't seem so good anymore. The fact that she told you not to tell anybody about it is very shady, but expected. She doesn't want you to tell anybody about it, because then she will have to deal with the consequences of hearing people questioning her choices. I would be very cautious of this.

So, what do you do?

Well, be honest with yourself. She has displayed that she is having some doubts about the relationship, obviously. This throws up a red flag. There are two ways to go about this situation. I often question if I had made my girlfriend take that time to explore her independence for longer than just a couple of days, would she have gotten that need out of her system, and would it have made our relationship stronger? Because obviously she didn't, and that is why she did the same thing a year later. Perhaps if she had taken more time then it would have saved me from the pain I experienced in the end, but you have to be willing to deal with knowing that she is out EXPLORING, and that is something that is hard to cope with. Then, you have to be willing to take her back, and trust that she loves only you... This all coming from the same person, that told you they wanted their independence and to just be friends... that will also be difficult to do... but it could happen. So YOU now have the opportunity, to make the move and tell her that she needs to figure herself out... You will have to be strong through this, and understand that there is a chance that you may never be back together... but then again, would that be so bad, considering she has displayed her doubts already?? And also, you will always be able to know, that you are the one that made the decision, and avoided the chance of spending more sleepless nights, trying to figure out why she up and left you, later on. Your second option, is to just forget about the conversation, in which you will have to be able to totally convince yourself that this never happened, and never bring it up again. But, by the fact that it is bothering you still, it is evident that you won't be capable of putting it behind you, and in all honesty, it really wouldn't be fair to you. In a way, this is as bad as a girl lying to you, considering she is telling you she loves you everyday, and probably told you she loved you fives times during the same day that she brought wanting to just be friends. So, you need to treat this the same way. Say you are getting paid $10 an hour at a job, and your company only pays you 70% of that for the work you do for them... are you going to keep working that job? Much like that, she is only giving you 70% of her heart, when you are giving her 100% of yours to her. This is just a simpler way to look at the situation, but you would leave the job if they were screwing you on your pay... and your heart is far more valuable than any amount of money, so take care of it!

[chuff]

She is trying to put you on the back burner so she can dump all her emotional issues on you while at the same time see other people with, what will basically be your permission. She also is a the worst kind of liar as she tells you not to say anything to anybody because she doesn't want to come off as the bad guy. Well she is, and she deserves your boot to her butt and butt to the curb.

[Borgat]

Thanks for the reply's guys, really helps a lot. I will think of what you all told me and make my decision from there. Just hard to think that she is the one that always wanted me to promise that I won't find someone else and stuff :/

We are in our early 20's, lets say 22 ;)

[thadevilsadvocate]

Keep in mind, promises mean nothing, when they aren't followed up!

[sdawg743]

Thank you all for posting your answers. The same thing is happening to me right now. She says she wants to get to know each other better as friends before we keep dating. She also said she wants to "forget the relationship happened". Does that mean that I should basically never bring it up again?